Tuesday, June 12, 2007

This stuff is really deep, man…

Hey everybody! Some poetry! A collaborative effort from Mets fans infatuated with Jose Reyes, dumbass broadcasters like Morgan and McCarver, and obstinate old people. I personally found it to be very moving and awesome.

Baseball is a rollercoaster of emotions
Never mind those statistical notions
Grittiness and heart determine it all
Much more than hitting one over the wall

Stolen bases are the greatest things ever
Swiping a base, always a worthwhile endeavor
Don’t look at a run expectation table
It’s nothing more than a harebrained fable

Jose Reyes’ triples and SBs are so exciting
They make jerking off oh just so inviting
Forget that several shortstops are just as good
They don’t give me nearly as much wood

I hate big sluggers who get on base
They couldn’t beat a cripple in a footrace
Who cares about a high on-base average?
Let alone all the pitching that they ravage?

Isn’t smallball simply the best?
Experts like Morgan and McCarver acquiesced
Watching smallball teams is so much fun
Even though they seldom score a run

Fuck these people in their assholes
I hope Satan devours their brainless souls
Then shits them out into a sea of fires
And disembowels them with a pair of B.A.'s pliers

Doesn’t that poem just nail baseball right on the head? It’s so moving and totally right at the same time. OK…maybe they’re wrong about everything they wrote, but it’s still awesome. The last stanza kind of doesn’t fit in with the rest. I don’t know why it’s in there. Maybe a bad edit. OK, I’ll admit it, I wrote that. But that’s it! Everything else was not written by me…fuck, you got me. I confess, I wrote this whole thing to mock these morons. After all, isn’t this my job since I write for a blog called “Pwnage of Morons”? Yeah, I thought so. Thanks.

NOTE: I do realize Jose Reyes is a very good player. His on-base is about .400 and his stolen base percentage isn’t bad, but the over-hype he gets and the reasons for which he gets it drive me nuts.

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