Joe Torre's thinking in the dugout

B.A. recently invented a brain reader, sucka! I know what you thinkin'! I like Big Brotha, foo!

So yeah, I used it on Joe Torre, and here's the input that the mind reader received:

Alright, Pettitte’s done for the night. Who do I go to? Um, Mariano? No, he only comes in for save situations which happen once every lunar eclipse. I don’t get why a 37 year old closer has issues when he doesn’t pitch for 3 weeks. Alright, um, Proctor? Yeah, no question. I haven’t finished destroying his arm yet. And I’ve only brought him into 39 games so far this year. That’s just not enough. No question. I need to work him more often if I want him in triple digit appearances by the end of the year. Though he has issues with location sometimes because his arm’s as dead as Mike Lowell’s schlong from over-pleasuring the Green Monster (yes, Mientkiewicz told me about that). After him, let’s see. Myers? Yeah, no question. He’s a great LOOGY (lefty one out guy), despite location problems, no question. He always gets the lefty I bring him in to face out, especially Ortiz, with his location. Alright, who else? Paul Quantrill? Yeah, that sounds like a good guy to bring in after Myers with his good location. No question. Then we’ll go to Scott Proctor. Then Kyle Farnsworth, then Graeme Lloyd, he has good location, then Mike Stanton, no question, then Jay Witasick, then Scott Proctor, great location, then Luis Vizcaino, good location, no question, then Dennis Eckersley, no question, then Lee Smith, then Scott Proctor, no question, location, Scott Proctor, no question, no question, good location, Scott Proctor…

I turned it off at that point. I'd read enough to determine how Joe Torre's mind operates on a plane not even Einstein could ever fathom being within the same vertical vicinity of. Brilliant man, I gotta say.