Sunday, June 17, 2007

Add another pwn'd moron to the pile

Well, let's see the list of morons that we've pwned so far on this blog:

Kenny Williams
Joe Morgan
dumbass Mets fans
Gerry Davis
irritating college fucks

Add Tim Brown to the list with this this gem.

I'm going to rip this apart, FJM-style. Let's start from the top:

Every afternoon it is was as new as it was going to be, this baseball thing, life in L.A., in Dodger Stadium, surrounded by people who believed he's not very good at this.

Juan Pierre is not good at his job (baseball) and you're not very good at yours (writing a sentence correctly) either.

Juan Pierre is not a good leadoff hitter, capable center fielder or wise investment. He's not a winner.

That is what they are sure of.


They are right.

And when I told a scout I still wanted to like Juan Pierre the player, he told me, "Don't."

When I told him I couldn't dismiss a player who worked longer, cared more, played harder than all but a handful of others in the league, he said, "Seriously, don't."


This is why you are churning out poorly written, imbecilic articles and he's scouting for a MLB team. He knows what he's talking about.

Apparently, we don't like Juan Pierre anymore. He doesn't hit for power and he doesn't get on base. He takes odd routes in the outfield and, when he and the Dodgers are lucky, covers the mistakes with speed. He throws poorly.

Yes, Juan Pierre does all of these things. That's why he sucks. Why are you writing this article?

I don't care. I like to watch him play. I like him on base, when he is. I like his first seven years after the All-Star break, when he's batted .318, when his on-base percentage is .361. I like a player who runs hard, no matter what, every time.

Talk about trying to find a silver lining in his stats, I think this is more telling:

Juan Pierre (2001-2007 eqA, OBA, OPS+)
.256, .378, 89
.235, .332, 65
.272, .361, 98
.276, .374, 107
.256, .326, 84
.255, .330, 81
.242, .310, 65

His only decent years were 2003 and 2004 when he had OBAs of .361 and .374 and eqAs over .270. Aside from that, he's terrible. Stop trying to argue that he's good in some sort of sophisticated, intangible way.

He is a slap-hitter on a team that does not hit home runs. He is a base stealer on a team that does not take many pitches. He is a center fielder between a near-rookie in right and a near-40-year-old in left. There have been better fits.

Worse, said the scout, "He's one of the reasons they're not very good."


YES, HE'S RIGHT!!! WHAT IS IT ABOUT JUAN PIERRE SUCKING THAT YOU DON'T GRASP??!!

Through June 14 last season, his first and only with the Chicago Cubs, he was batting .241, his on-base percentage was .283 and the Cubs were losing a lot. The fans there didn't like it and Pierre, in center field, and Jacques Jones, in right, heard about it.

"I loved him," Jones said. "He was awesome. He kept me going."

Screamed from the bleachers, shouted from the newspaper racks, the criticism hardly touched Pierre, Jones said. He finished batting .292, with an on-base percentage of .330, with 204 hits. He showed up early every day, played all but about six innings all season, and turned away from the babble, right through to the miserable end.


Juan Pierre credentials
-awesome at blocking out all of those nasty people who tell him he sucks at baseball and continuing to suck proudly

For this he gets $9 million a year. NINE MILLION DOLLARS. That is off the charts. Jose Reyes, and you all know my feelings about him, but he is 10 times better than Pierre and Reyes is making $2,875,000. I know Pierre's been around longer but the Mets got a huge bargain with Reyes and the Dodgers are idiots. This past offseason might go down as the one with the most numerous retarded signings.

Anyway, since we're on the topic of Reyes, I found it rather hilarious yesterday when Reyes was caught stealing down 6 runs, hit into a double play, and was Wang's 10th strikeout victim. And I got to watch it in person. That fucking rocked.

2 comments:

Douggy Bombs said...

never mind that on the K, he twice got down on his knees - pun definitely intended - to swing and miss at sinkers. bee-yoo-ti-ful.

-douggy bombs

B.A. Baracus said...

Indeed. I also got to do something I'd been wanting to do for a while: jeeringly chant "Joooseeeeee Jose Jose Joseeeeeee!!!", which is what a bunch of people in my section were doing after Posada threw his ass out.