Thursday, August 30, 2007

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



























Billy Wagner blows a save...
Jose Reyes has fallen under a .300 BA, a .370 OBA, a .440 SLG...
Pat "the Bat" Burrell continues ripping the Mets new assholes...
St. Patrick's Home for the Elderly resident and soon-to-be AARP member Jamie Moyer shut the Mets down...
Yankees beat Daisuke Matsuzaka, Josh Beckett, and Curt Schilling...
Derek Jeter has now hit 6 of his 9 home runs off Red Sox or Mets...
ARod continued to drive Sox fans out of their minds with hatred...
Yankees help knock overachieving Okajima's ERA up...
Jason "C stands for crap" Varitek makes a throwing error leading to 2 runs and ARod laughing his ass off in the dugout, caught on NESN for all Sox fans to view...
I overheard Red Sox fans screaming about the Youkilis-ARod play in the 7th inning for the totally wrong reason, further strengthening my idea of typical Sox fans being fake fans that know jack shit about baseball...

The smile on my face says it all, foo!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

We're overdue for another excitement update

Jose Reyes has excited us all to the tune of his line of:

.297/.368/.436
114 OPS+
.297 eqA
9 HR

Meanwhile, Jimmy Rollins has bored us by going:

.288/.339/.517
118 OPS+
.292 eqA
23 HR

And Hanley Ramirez has put us to sleep with his line of:

.332/.389/.557
149 OPS+
.325 eqA
23 HR

Now, we all know that Philadelphia's field, Citizens Bank Park, is a hitter's park, but even so:

Jose Reyes (2007)
on the road: .289/.365/.429, 4 HR

Jimmy Rollins (2007)
on the road: .292/.354/.495, 9 HR

And now, Reyes is better as a leadoff hitter because he gets on base more. However, if Rollins was used right, he would be more valuable because his power advantage over Reyes outweighs the OBA advantage Reyes has.

As far as Hanley is concerned, it's not even close. He's so much better than Reyes offensively. He needs work on his defense, but defense is easier to fix than offense. So, all you Reyes schlong lickers out there, realize something: he's not even the best SS in his division.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Tim McCarver is still never right

During today's Dodgers-Mets game:

David Wright is one of the best 2 strike hitters in the National League.

Really?

David Wright (2007)
0-2 count: .128/.150/.205 in 39 AB
1-2 count: .070/.086/.088 in 57 AB
2-2 count: .160/.169/.240 in 75 AB
3-2 count: .375/.615/.750 in 56 AB

He's been great in full counts. Sucks in every other count. McCarver truly is the legendary man who is never right.

B.A.'s offensive outlook on upcoming Yankees-Tigers series, game 2

I managed to get my anger out by putting a big loan shark behind bars while avoiding capture by the MPs. Of course, the client stiffed us. Hannibal has turned the A-Team into the C-Team. C being for cheap, charity, and crap. But anyway, that just piles onto how fucking pissed I am about how this week has gone for the Yankees. Second time this week the Yankees have lost an extra-inning game. Fucking Magglio Ordonez and his .383 BA/BIP. And his PrBA of .297. And his PrOPS of .898. The guy has always been a very good hitter. There's no doubt about that. But come on, NOTHING will go wrong for him this year. It's not even like he's knocking the cover off the ball. Only 18.4% of the balls he puts in play are line drives. Well below a lot of other hitters. He and Curtis Granderson lead the AL with their .137 OPS over-performance. I mean, you can talk about how Posada's getting lucky and all that shit, which is partially true. But at least Posada is 5th in the league in line drive percentage at 22.7%. Ordonez isn't even close to the top of the league. His check swing little piece of crap over Cano's head extending inning for Guillen to drive one over the wall in left made me wanna drive my mohawked head of iron through the concrete wall. The Yankees never catch a break this year. That's why their fucking Pythagorean win/loss is 6 games better than their actual win/loss. And if they do catch breaks, it's always in bunches. That's what happened when they were OPSing .953 as a team over that one stretch. They were finally catching some breaks in addition to hitting well (they were all hitting HRs like crazy in that stretch too). Ugh, anyway. Here's the outlook for game 2.

Yankees facing Jeremy Bonderman
Bonderman after his fantastic start, like last year, has sucked in the second half. In his last 35.1 innings, he's surrendered 7 homers after allowing just 13 in 119.2 innings. His control's been erratic, too. 15 of his 40 walks on the season came over those 35.1 innings. Righties and lefties are pretty similar against him in terms of BA and OBA but lefties hit for better power off him. Righties are .270/.312/.393 off him while lefties are .270/.317/.468. The IsoP of .198 jumps out at you, as he's allowed 14 HR, 22 2B and 2 3B to lefties in 344 AB this year. This is no anomoly. It's historically true as well that lefties own him, as from 2004-2006 lefties have a .276/.340/.464 line off him. So, tonight, Giambi, Damon, and Betemit should start, and of course Abreu. This should strengthen a team of guys who have .319/.388/.505 line in 188 AB off him.

The Yankees have to win this game. They own Bonderman. They have Wang going, although he's on the road which concerns me a bit. The Red Sox are playing the embarrassingly bad White Sox and raping them. The Mariners and their overachieving by 7 wins seem to get every damn break going as far back as Gerry "Blumpkin" Davis's awful call back in May that fucked the Yankees over. They have to win the next three games. It's going to be tough to win Monday with Mussina going, although I read in the Post that he thinks he found a solution in his last bullpen session. I hope so, because Mike Mussina in his last 2 outings has been retire-when-you-get-back-to-the-dugout-after-Torre-takes-the-ball-from-you bad. Let's go Yankees.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

B.A.'s offensive outlook on upcoming Yankees-Tigers series, game 1

I didn't bother writing one for game 3 because I was so fucking pissed about the first two games I couldn't think rationally. I never wanted to see backup catchers die painful deaths as badly as I did after the past two games. And watching that 467 year old loafer, Garret Anderson, who flies open on every swing and sucks, hit that 3-run homer...no words to describe my anger. Anyway, back to business.

Game 1, Yankees face Andrew Miller
Good News
Miller's just coming off the DL from a hamstring injury. Being 6'6", he not surprisingly is like a young Randy Johnson and a current Daniel Cabrera in the control department. In his major league career, here are his numbers:

Andrew Miller (career, MLB/minors)
69.1/80.0 IP
4.67/2.59 ERA
43 BB, 69 H (1.615 WHIP)/26 BB, 72 H (1.225 WHIP)
58 K/65 K

This guy ain't no Joba Chamberlain. He walks a lot of guys, and he's hittable, since he's allowed close to a hit per inning and does not have an astronomical number of strikeouts.

Bad News
This guy owns lefties. Lefties in 50 AB are .140/.233/.180 with just 2 doubles, no homers, and 20 strikeouts. A strikeout rate of 0.40/AB! You see, Mike (Myers)? THOSE are the kinds of numbers a lefty specialist puts up. Anyway, here's what I'd do with the lineup. You HAVE to Shelley Duncan and Andy Phillips in there. I'm sure Torre starts Phillips regardless but he MUST get Duncan in there. I'd put Betemit in for Cano just to give him a day off against a tough lefty, but he got half a day off in the slaying on Tuesday, and Betemit is absolutely useless as a right-handed hitter. In his career, he is .233/.280/.354 with 61 K in 195 AB. That's a strikeout every 3 AB basically. Horrible. Giving Cano the day off against Bedard last week seemed like a good idea until I realized how terrible Betemit is right-handed. The guy is purely a left-handed hitter. So, anyway, I hope Torre reads this or another person close to Torre tells him this. If he had Shelley Duncan in the lineup on Monday instead of Johnny Damon (this ain't Monday morning QB'ing either, the righties all hit Moseley hard that night), he could have given the Anaheim bullpen a nice souvenir and the Yankees could have had that game won early.

But, we got a great outing from Pettitte last night. Some big hits off Lackey. And another overpowering inning from Joba Chamberlain. Especially sweet to see him strike out that little piece of shit, Orlando Cabrera. He fucking sucks. Anybody who wants to give him credit for being a decent offensive player needs to realize that this is the first season he's had an OPS+ over 100. And he's still got time to drop, too. And he should have more throwing errors, but Casey Kotchman catches everything and has probably saved him numerous times. Games 2, 3, and 4 outlooks will each come at some point before that corresponding game.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Seriously, Fire Mike Francesa

Mike Francesa is at it again, just shooting his mouth off:

Melky Cabrera, he's made a couple great catches, but, the guy's not that good of an outfielder.

As I've said before, fielding stats are definitely iffy, not as effective as offensive stats. However, when looked at collectively, you can get an overall picture as to how a player has done defensively. And let's look at this:

Melky Cabrera
.911 zone rating (3rd among AL centerfielders)
3.18 RF9 (2nd among AL centerfielders)
10 assists (1st among AL centerfielders)
14 FRAA

The guy has played pretty effectively. And just watching him, he has made a bunch of nice catches. The only criticism I have for him is how he plays balls in the gap that are not catchable. Instead of conceding that he can't catch it, he'll keep going after it, and then the ball will go to the wall and he'll take longer to get the ball back in than he would if he just tried to cut it off or head to the wall to get it back in more quickly. However, that doesn't outweigh the fact that he gets to a lot of balls and has thrown out a lot of runners, leading to fewer runners even trying. We really should get on this. Fire Mike Francesa would be an awesome blog. Honestly, I don't care about Chris Russo. Russo at least doesn't try to come off as a know-it-all. I fucking can't stand Francesa, though. I really wish he'd get fired.

Monday, August 20, 2007

B.A.'s outlook on Yankees' offense for games 1 and 2 of Anaheim series

Good news, Bad news, with the more significant news coming first

Game 1, August 20 - Yankees facing Dustin Moseley

Good News:
Dustin Moseley has been awful in the second half, especially in his last 5 outings. In his last 22.1 innings, he has allowed 33 hits, 9 walks, and 20 earned runs for an ERA of 8.07 and a WHIP of 1.883. Over these 5 outings he's had an exactly 1:1 groundball to flyball ratio. On the season it's 1.73, so he was clearly better when he was coming out of the pen in the first half. This second half for him has been disastrous.

Bad News:
Dustin Moseley can be tough on lefties. Lefties are performing at .222/.289/.359 clips with 19 strikeouts in 117 AB versus righties who are killing this guy at .331/.380/.455 clips with just 15 strikeouts in 154 AB. And in Moseley's last 5 outings, a lot of the damage done against him has been by Mike Piazza, Mark Ellis, Detroit's heavily right-handed lineup, Mike Lowell and Manny Ramirez. So the Yankees will need to stack their lineup with righties like Andy Phillips and Shelley Duncan. And I just checked the Yankees' lineup for tonight. Phillips is in but Duncan is not. Come on, Joe...

Game 2, August 21, Yankees facing Kelvim Escobar

Bad News:
Winning this one will not be an easy task, considering Mike Mussina doesn't throw harder than Tim Wakefield anymore and the fact that Kelvim Escobar is pitching in Anaheim. In Anaheim, this year, he has a 2.07 ERA and a 1.126 WHIP. He has also pitched well on the road, but it makes sense that he's been less effective on the road because of how much of a pitcher's park Angel Stadium is.

Good News:
If I were to put this lineup together, unlike tonight, I would get all the lefties in there for tomorrow's game. The .258/.317/.388 clips for lefties versus .220/.276/.300 for righties (and the obviously higher IsoP by lefties) would help explicate that thinking. However, I might consider starting Jose Molina over Jorge Posada because Posada has abysmal numbers against Escobar in his career, and he can use every offday he can get considering how he couldn't get a day off in the first half. I would also be ready to...yes, that's right, I am actually saying this...play some smallball. Escobar has allowed 15 stolen bases in 17 attempts and Jeff Mathis only 3 for 22 throwing out runners this year. For his career he's just 6 for 37. So, the Yankees should "have larceny on their minds" as Ken Singleton would say.

I'll give my outlook on Game 3 tomorrow.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Fielding Bible

The Jeter-hating in The Fielding Bible, by John Dewan, pisses me off. No, Jeter doesn't have the best range in the world, blahblahblah...

But come on, in one section of this book which was entirely about why Adam Everett is a million times better than Derek Jeter defensively, Bill James saying:

In one way of looking at it, it makes intuitive sense that Derek Jeter could be the worst defensive shortstop of all-time.

is a ridiculous claim to make.

Granted, from 2000-2003 Jeter had some bad years in the field:

Derek Jeter (zone ratings)
2000: .811
2001: .789
2002: .803
2003: .791

Alright, these were kinda crappy years in the field. His FRAA were also very far in the negative (in the -20s). But, this quote was talking mostly about his 2004-2005 seasons, when he won the Gold Gloves. Now, Jeter in reality did not deserve the Gold Gloves that he won, however, he was certainly not BAD.

Derek Jeter (2004/2005 and league ranks)
.847/.830 (6th of 11/5th of 10) zone rating (and by the way, John Dewan created this stat)
4.46/4.76 (8th of 11/2nd of 10) range factor per 9 IN
96/96 (5th of 11/5th of 10) double plays
6.9/6.0 (3rd of 11/5th of 10) fielding win shares
-5/+13 (would require too much looking up individual players' pages for a currently lazy B.A. Baracus) FRAA

He played shortstop certainly better than adequately by all of these metrics. Fielding stats are definitely not perfect, but that's why I look at all of them to try to give you a total picture. And after doing so, anybody who tries to tell me that Derek Jeter is the worst defensive shortstop of all time can go screw themselves.

PS It's kinda funny, while Everett's 2005 zone rating was .873, Adam Everett was worth all of 0.2 win shares more than Jeter on fielding, had the same number of double plays, had a lower RF9 (4.39), had 11 fewer fielding runs. Yeah, Everett's a MILLION times better. *picture B.A. doing jackoff gesture*

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I think we should start a new blog: Fire Mike Francesa

I listen to the show for a few minutes in the hopes that maybe he'll say something stupid thinking that he's smart, and he does. In response to a caller talking about how he doesn't think the Mets are underperforming, he goes:

You don't think the Mets are underperforming? Beltran? He's not having a bad year? Chavez has been out for 2 months. Delgado? You don't think he's underperforming? Alou? He missed two months.

And I of course cannot convey to you in writing the pretentiousness amplitude of his voice's sound waves that physicists have yet to determine a way to measure. Then the caller said something that made me smile:

I think Beltran is one of the most overrated players to ever come to New York.

And of course Francesa brings up last year and his year in 2004 (including his absurd HR output in the playoffs that year). But, has Francesa ever realized, maybe that is Beltran overperforming? Overall, if you look at the Mets last year, they had so much go right, offensively.

Carlos Beltran: .275/.388/.594, 156 OPS+, 41 HR
Carlos Delgado: .265/.361/.548, 134 OPS+, 38 HR
Jose Reyes: .300/.354/.487, 118 OPS+, 19 HR
David Wright: .311/.381/.531, 136 OPS+, 27 HR
Jose Valentin: .271/.330/.490, 112 OPS+, 18 HR
Paul Lo Duca: .318/.355/.428, 105 OPS+, 5 HR (but 39 2Bs)

Beltran had a career year. Valentin gave much more than expected. Delgado declined slightly, but wasn't too far off from his career norms. And the guy was 34. It was reasonable to hope but not expect him to repeat his 2005 in Florida (by the way, stupid but fun trivia question: Delgado is one of only 4 players to hit .300 with 30 HR and 100 RBI in both leagues, who are the other three? I remember 2 of the other 3 as I write this). Even Lo Duca gave them above average offense as a catcher. Now look at them this year:

Carlos Beltran: .260/.336/.490, 118 OPS+, 21 HR
Carlos Delgado: .254/.331/.438, 104 OPS+, 18 HR
Jose Reyes: .303/.373/.453, 120 OPS+, 9 HR
David Wright: .309/.398/.523, 144 OPS+, 22 HR
Jose Valentin: .241/.302/.373, 80 OPS+, 3 HR, 51 games played
Paul Lo Duca: .267/.310/.355, 78 OPS+, 5 HR and just 13 2Bs

Reyes is doing what you'd expect. Power down, but walk rate up, which is what you want. The last thing on his mind should be 20 HR. Wright is doing exactly what you'd expect, as well. Beltran is giving you about what his career norms are, also. Last year was the exception, not the rule. Delgado is 35 years old and obviously declining. I've seen him get blown away by so many fastballs this year just to give you some anecdotal evidence. Valentin came back down to earth and hurt himself on the landing. Lo Duca's too tired and banged up from failed rape attempts on 14 year old girls to provide above average offense anymore. And please, try to understand this people...ENDY CHAVEZ IS A FUCKING FOURTH OUTFIELDER. One great catch does not elevate him above that status. Quite frankly, the numbers he'd put up offensively would, in reality, not be much more valuable than Shawn Green's output, and all Mets fans hate Shawn Green. He'd play better defense, but that's it. And Moises Alou, come on, he's 40 years old and hasn't played a full season since 2004. He's obviously still a good player, but, his missing 2 months...is this an absolute freakish thing that nobody expected to happen?

PECOTA's prediction for the Mets this year was a little pessimistic (86-76, .529), but then again it made sense for PECOTA to not expect Oliver Perez and John Maine (though he's been coming back down to earth lately) to pitch as well as they have. Perez showed in 2004 that he was capable of this, but the guy's been very inconsistent ever since. Maine has never pitched a full season, but he has fairly decent stuff and pitched fairly well in his circa 100 IP last year. But even with that, the Mets are 67-52 (.563), with their Pythagorean win/loss at 65-54 (.546). So, factor in the overachieving of Maine and Perez, and there you have it. The Mets are actually slightly overachieving according to PECOTA. The way I see it, this is the Mets showing their true colors. They were clearly not as good as the 97 wins they posted last year.

The point is, does Francesa do any sort of research? You can't just look at what a guy did in one or even two seasons and expect that's what he normally does every year. He relies solely on what he sees or wants to see or wants to think. And he probably thinks that the Doctrine of Infallibility should not be limited to the Pope on dogmatic teaching. The Mets are not underperforming, fatass. The Mets are simply putting up a record more indicative of how good they really are.

Monday, August 13, 2007

ESPN Sunday Night Baseball Episode 4!!!! Some classic Joe Morgan color commentary!! WEEEEEE!!!!

My inspiration from the Sunday Night game yesterday:

Using your fastball to set up your other pitches. That's real Braves-style pitching.

That was all I needed. Let's do this shit.

In the first inning
Jon Miller: Well, here we go tonight. Braves versus Atlanta here at Citizens Bank. Two NL East rivals. Battling for the division with the Mets. That's been quite a division race, wouldn't you say, Joe?
Joe Morgan: Well, Jon, the key to winning your division is to find ways to win games. You're not going to win your division if you lose games. Losing games is bad. Winning games is really good.
Jon Miller: Very well put, Joe. (to himself) We need a fucking Hall of Famer to tell us this shit? That was a fucking waste of time. I could have ordered bacon fat soup for my appetizer in the time it took him to speak meaningless crap.


When the Braves are pitching
Jon Miller: The pitch...and there's a beautiful breaking ball on the outside corner for strike three! That pitch was set up perfectly by those preceding two-seam and four-seam fastballs.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: (to himself) I think this would be a hard thing to say anything dumb about, even for him.
Joe Morgan: That's great pitching right there. Fastballs to set up your other pitches. That's Braves-style pitching right there.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: (to himself) Guess not...(out loud) Yup. Andy Pettitte, Mike Mussina, Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez, probably 95% of all MLB pitchers, none of them ever use their fastballs to set up their other pitches.
Joe Morgan: That's right. Only Braves pitchers do that.
Jon Miller: (after finishing a hot dog wrapped in a twinkee) He's being sarcastic, Joe.
Joe Morgan: I know...wait, WHAT?! SHUT UP! YOU DIDN'T PLAY BASEBALL!!! Dave Concepcion!!! Uhhhh...Ken Griffey!!! Uhhhh, uhhh...1976 Reds greatest ever!!! I won 9 MVPs! I broke the color barrier!!! I invented small ball!!! I'm way better than Craig Biggio!!!
Medic: (to himself) Dammit, I can't even finish a fucking $15 beer before he launches into one of his anxiety attacks...(out loud) You're definitely getting the next round of beers, Smart Stat Guy. And get me some weed, too, motherfucker.


Later on in the game
Jon Miller: Well, the Phillies take the lead over the Braves behind a Ryan Howard 3-run-homer. As you said, Joe, the Phillies find ways to win games...often with long balls. Howard, Utley, Burrell, Rowand, and Rollins are all big HR threats, especially in this ballpark. What's your opinion on this, Joe, the Hall of Fame 2nd baseman/#1 analyst on ESPN?
Joe Morgan: Well, you're right, Jon. Hitting home runs helps you score runs. And you want to score more runs than the other team. If you score more runs than the other team, you'll win the ballgame. That's Philadelphia-style baseball there.
Jon Miller: ......(stunned)
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: .......(stunned even while drunk and high)
Jon Miller: So, the Phillies are the only ones who ever try to outscore the other team?
Joe Morgan: Correct.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Joe...have some weed. Maybe if you're high, you'll actually make worthwhile comments.


By the way, kids. I do not condone drug use. However, I do suggest to get Joe Morgan to smoke some weed in the hopes that it either:

a. makes him a better analyst
-OR-
b. gets him fired, which Fire Joe Morgan has been trying to do for over 2 years now.

Either will do.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Godfucking dammit

The Yankees never fucking sweep a series. And often they win the first two, or they win the first three, then they blow the last game. But they need to fucking sweep series and they haven't. The Twins, the Angels, Toronto a few weeks ago, Kansas City two weeks ago, Chicago, and now Toronto again. And even more frustrating, as I was discussing with Douggy Bombs just a few minutes ago while I was running from the MPs, Wang fucking sucks on the road. I love when my observations are backed up by stats:

Chien-Ming Wang (2005-2007)
Home: 3.22 ERA, 1.180 WHIP, .252 BAA (2.77 ERA, 1.103 WHIP, .234 BAA this year)
Away: 4.45 ERA, 1.416 WHIP, .291 BAA (4.45 ERA, 1.414 WHIP, .300 BAA this year)

And these splits don't include the game he pitched tonight. CockpenisshitgodmotherfuckingdammitgonadslickingturdandsemendevouringFUCK.

Infuriating. And to add to that, Atlanta loads the bases with NOBODY out in the 9th against Wagner down by one run. And Wagner walked Chris Woodward who was pinch hitting with the intention of giving himself up to get the runners to 2nd and 3rd. At that point, all you have to do is HIT A FUCKING FLYBALL. But no, Francoeur grounds out to Wright who gets the force at home. Then Andruw Jones, who is a fat useless piece of shit this year, grounds into a 4-6-3 double play to end the game. Luckily I was quick enough to the remote that I changed the channel before Gary Cohen started masturbating while singing "Meet the Mets".

It's just one game, obviously. So it's nothing to get too pissed about. But still, Wang needs to figure out how to get the goddamn ball down on the road.

A new HR king…and nobody cares...

Do you? Does any sensible person care? Well, yes, some do…like me. I care because it’s an absolute disgrace that a record achieved by a man who was one of the best pure hitters and biggest HR threats during a very pitching oriented era, and had to endure racism throughout his career, has been broken by a shameless piece of shit like Barry Bonds. Now, Aaron has also not been considered the true HR king sometimes because he did it in many more at bats than Ruth, which is true. Ruth is the greatest HR hitter of all time, bar none (and don’t give me “Mark McGwire’s AB/HR ratio is lower!” Fuck Mark McGwire for obvious reasons). However, nobody else compiled that many HR. The guy was a HR machine year-in and year-out for almost 20 years. And he wasn’t just a HR hitter, he was an awesome player. I mean, for his career, he was:

.305/.374/.555
156 OPS+ (15 seasons above 150, that’s nuts)
1402 BB/1382 K
.326 eqA
76 FRAA
210.7 WARP3

Watching Bonds hit that HR last night was about as sickening and revolting as it could get. And the bastard got to do it in San Francisco in front of all his idiot fans. I hate Mets fans, but I wish that the Giants had to go to Shea again this year so Bonds could possibly get some harmful objects thrown at him, though I bet that pussy (and yes, I’m sure he has one now since the more severe side effect of excessive steroid use is total disintegration of male genitalia and the creation of a vagina) wouldn’t play. Congratulations, Barry. Enjoy your tenure as HR king that nobody gives a shit about that won’t last longer than 6-7 years because you’ll either be dead or ARod will overtake your ass.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Random bit of comedy I'd forgotten to put up here a while back

This conversation is sort of a prequel to the first episode of ESPN Sunday Night Baseball at Fenway Park. Jack Bauer and I, while we were casually killing terrorists, were talking about how Miller and Morgan were sucking off David Wright after his HR off Clippard back in May, and we had some funny lines going back and forth that I can't remember, but this excerpt was fucking awesome, which went something like this:

B.A. Baracus: (as Joe Morgan) JON! DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT JOSE LIKE THAT! I LOVE HIM AND HIS EXCITEMENT AND HIS RUNNING TOO MUCH AND HIS FAKE 20 HR POWER HE DOESN'T HAVE FROM LAST YEAR IN A WAY YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND!

Jack Bauer: Hahahaha

Jack Bauer: (as Joe Morgan) It was like Pinocchio kept tellin' lies, Jon!

B.A Baracus: LMAO

B.A. Baracus: (as Joe Morgan) And, man, it wudn't his nose that was growin' lemme tell ya!

AIM convos that the three of us have could be a hilarious blog in and of itself.

Monday, August 6, 2007

The best news I have ever heard in my whole life

MIKE MYERS DESIGNATED FOR ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only better news that I could hear would be the following things:

1. David Ortiz tests positive for HGH, the clear, the cream, and dangerously high cholesterol due to bacon fat (does that mean what I think it means?)
2. Jonathan Papelbon turns into Rick Ankiel
3. Fenway Park collapses and the team is forced to play their home games in Yankee Stadium. Let's see how Mikey does in the double and HR categories away from Fenway.

Hell, even with Fenway Park's help, he is and will continue to come back down to earth. This butthole leads the league in fence-scraping, cheapo, piece of shit home runs as you can see there. Even though his batting average is still .305, his OPS and SLG are down to .847 and .491 from the ridiculous .992 and .595 it had been (as late as June 2nd, the same day he knocked out Douggy Bombs with his concussion knee). And there's no hope for him either. He always sucks in the second half power-wise and is still 51 pts above his prOPS, which means he will probably keep crashing along with the Red Sox.

Seriously, all they've been doing since early June is ride their overachieved first two months. They were 37-17 after that June 2nd game. They are now 68-44. They have been barely a .500 team since. Fuck the Wild Card, I want the division. I'll settle for the Wild Card, but I fucking want Boston going down. I hate them and their stupid fans so much.

Friday, August 3, 2007

How to Achieve 1,000 Runs and Actually Be Good At Baseball, Too


Fill this out:



I always love how people think they can play GM and put together a great lineup like *that* by assembling a bunch of guys with high RBI, run, and SB totals, or by talking about how "toolsy" someone is. I also love how others sit there, deep in sabermatric analysis...as if they think Baseball is really just a text-based simulation of Baseball, and not an actual game played on an actual field by actual people with actual bats and gloves, instead of pencils, a sharpener, and the obligatory t-value charts.

Well, wannabe scouts, you're wrong.

Sabermetricians, you're wrong too.

Well here's my side. The third side. The third dimension in the two dimensional plane of reality in which most GMs and fans operate. I like to call this third dimension LINEUP BALANCE. This means, not just assembling a lineup full of good fantasy baseball guys with good stats in 5 categories. This means, not just looking at on base percentage and thinking you can build around this. And even for advanced statheads, this means moving beyond runs created, VORP, WARP, etc. So today, I will take you through building a lineup, and give you the best lineup in baseball today that a team can actually afford.

That said, there are several BASIC principles that every GM and GM wannabe should abide by when deciding what their team needs. I tried to keep things basic so simple scouts and smarty sabermetricians can both understand. The "look fors" I will give you, are very basic guidelines, and the suggested stats I give are "potential" stats, not necessarily prior year stats. It is up to YOU how much of a given attribute you want, within the given range. Don't worry. If you fuck up, it's only your team's season. Oh, wait, you're not an actual GM. So go get your copies of Baseball Mogul, and let's get started with the principles:

***PRINCIPLE #1: YOU SCORE RUNS IN DIFFERENT WAYS OFF DIFFERENT PITCHERS
The most important principle. Some pitchers are prone to longballs. Others are groundball machines. Others are control artists that require utmost patience. Others are so tough to hit that you HAVE to manufacture runs to beat them. Still others need to be battled until they become fatigued. And for all of these types, they come right handed, left handed, throw from different angles, and have all kind of different offspeed pitches that move uniquely. Therefore, you have to give yourself an edge any way possible. You need to be able to do it all. Obviously, there aren't many hitters that CAN do it all, so you'll need to fill different parts of your lineup with different types of players and group like types together to achieve a maximum impact.

***PRINCIPLE #2: YOU WANT A SMALLBALL CAPABLE, BUT NOT SMALLBALL OBSESSED, TOP OF THE ORDER
You will want a top of the order that can get on base while hitting for a decent average, and you don't want too much power here. Too much pop will kill you, as your sluggers won't be batting with men on base. You want hitters that spoil a lot of pitches, have no real holes in their swing, and don't swing and miss very often. Additionally, you want speed, but not reckless speed. You want 30 steal speed in both the 1 and 2 holes, although 20 steal speed is acceptable in the 2 spot, and you want smart baserunners. You want good walk totals from you leadoff hitter, and you'd prefer them in your 2 hitter as well, but your 2 hitter should have a high contact% against pitches out of the strike zone, as well as in general. Both players should be bunt-capable.
LOOK FOR
#1 hitter .280 - .300, 80+ walks, less than 90 strikeouts, 30 SB, between 5 and 15 homers
#2 hitter .300 +, 60+ walks, 20 SB, between 10 and 25 homers, swings and misses less than 10% of the time

***PRINCIPLE #3: YOU WANT A DYNAMIC #3 HITTER, BUT NOT A MONSTER
You will want your #3 hitter to be your most consistent, but not necessarily your best hitter. You want a high average from this spot, and someone that does not hit into many double plays (this is actually very important). You want 15 steal speed, line drives, down on the ball, and again, a low strikeout total and low swing and miss total. You will be counting on this guy to produce in the 1st and 3rd, less than 2 out situation. Furthermore, you want a home run threat, but not someone who is going to hit more than 25 home runs as this detracts from the value of your 4 through 7 hitters.
LOOK FOR
#3 hitter .290 +, between 15 and 25 home runs, between 70 and 85 walks, less than 95 strikeouts, swings and misses less than 15% of the time

***PRINCIPLE #4: YOU WANT POWER IN THE 4 THROUGH 7 SPOTS
Self explanatory. Middle of the order, you will hammer crap pitching with these bats. You want a high OBP from your 4-5 hitters, you can accept lower from your 6-7, but you want RBI guys. Your true sluggers - your homer only threats - you want batting 6th or 7th. Your 4th hitter should be your best run producer, and your fifth hitter should be your second best. The 4 hitter should be able to hit any pitch out of the ballpark, and the 5 hitter should be not far behind. In other words, no one in your lineup should have a hole in their swing until the 6 hitter. The 7th hitter doesn't need anywhere as much power as the other 3 (15-20 HR will do here), but should still be a run producer.
LOOK FOR
#4 hitter: .300+, minimum 30 home runs, minimum 80 walks, no more than 10 steals
#5 hitter: .280+, minimum 30 home runs, minimum 70 walks, no more than 10 steals
#6 hitter: .270+, minimum 25 home runs, minimum 70 walks, no more than 15 steals
#7 hitter: .270+, minimum 15 home runs, minimum 65 walks, between 5 and 20 steals

***PRINCIPLE #5: YOU WANT TO TURN THE LINEUP OVER WITH THE 8-9 GUYS BUT YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE JUST LIKE THE TOP OF THE ORDER
These guys, it's OK if they're not speed demons. You want good contact hitters, high average not required, who are capable of situational smallball, but usually won't be asked to do so without a situation presenting itself, and usually won't do it on their own. Additionally, you want more power than you would get from your top of the order - these last two guys are your mistake hitters. And again, you want tough at bats, increasing the likelihood that you get a mistake to hit. These are the guys who typically pound one type of pitch, but are mediocre against the rest. They are specialty hitters who can counter an opposing pitcher's strength with one of their own, and they always have the potential to just randomly have a great year. At least one of these guys, preferably both, should be bunt-capable.

LOOK FOR
These positions are highly subjective. Find guys who do ONE thing well, and put them in there. These guys should all be expected to bat at least .260, and be able to draw 50 walks over the course of a season. 10-20 home runs is desirable as well. Shy away from .220 hitters with high HR totals, as well as .290 hitters with no power. You want these guys to be mistake hitters, but when they get a mistake, you want them to cash it in. Also, believe it or not, you don't want any of these guys to steal more than 20 bases. In fact, in these spots, stolen bases don't really mean a thing. Additionally, avoid anyone likely to hit more than 20 homers. The likely drop in contact (as well as the lost value of having men on base - helping you to multi-run innings), coupled with the fact that many HRs will go "wasted" at the bottom of the order, more than negates the value of the additional home runs.

***PRINCIPLE #6: YOU WANT TOUGH OUTS WHO WILL SEE LOTS OF PITCHES
Self explanatory. The more pitches you see, the more likely the pitcher is to make a mistake. This principle covers every hitter in every lineup.

***PRINCIPLE #7: SOME PHYSICIST WAS RIGHT
For every force, there is an equal and opposite force. A balanced lineup, therefore, is balanced. There are four scales you want to balance: speed, power, contact, and walks. You don't want too much of any one thing, or even too much of all of these. Take speed and power. What good is speed if you have home run threats at the plate and can't run? What good is power if your sluggers are being distracted by stealing baserunners, or, worse yet, the speedy guy gets thrown out and now your slugger's home run is worth one less run? Take contact and walks. What good is great contact if you never swing because you are working counts? And what good is great walks if guys don't move runners around the bases by swinging the bat?

A good lineup has an ample amount of all four of these attributes, in both consistent AND inconsistent hitters, ensuring that the lineup will rarely, if ever, go cold. A lineup such as this will beat flamethrowers, junkballers, no-control Nuke LaLooshes, lefties, righties, knuckleballers, sinkerballers, sidearmers, submariners, etc. A truly balanced lineup has no weaknesses, because somebody in that lineup can beat the guy on the mound, even if the majority of his teammates can't. That's why these guys are grouped together: to heighten the effect, or compensate for the fact someone might be in a slump, while not missing a beat.

Therefore, be creative. Balance the 4 factors. Want more power? Take it away somewhere else. Want less power? Add it somewhere else. Just make sure your lineup, overall, has the ability to do it all. You don't want any powerless guys, you don't want more than 2 "i can't steal a base no matter what" guys, and you don't want ANY free swingers. And you don't want any swing-and-miss types in the top third of your order. Everything else is negotiable.

***PRINCIPLE #8: THE POINTS TO PRESS TO SCORE 1,000 RUNS
The keys are really simple: 1) Lots of doubles. 2) High stolen base%, fewer than 120 team SB. 3) Make your homers count. Avoid solo shots. 4) Play smallball when you're not scoring. 5) Avoid double plays.

Those 5 things combined = 1,000 runs.

***So here's the best lineup ever
This lineup will score more runs than every All Star Team ever assembled. And, I was actually able to pick guys who have good defense while concocting this. And while this may be, at times, an All-Star Team, it's not the names you might ordinarily pick if you were asked to pick the best player at every position in baseball and put them into a lineup. I'm biased towards Yankees, but this is what you'd look for in a lineup that will be good for years to come (IE i focused on young players):

2B Brian Roberts
SS Derek Jeter
C Joe Mauer
3B Alex Rodriguez
1B Ryan Howard
LF Raul Ibanez
DH Jonny Gomes
CF Melky Cabrera
RF Mark Kotsay


This lineup will score runs against all kinds of pitchers, in all kinds of situations. 1,000 runs, in the bank, guaranteed.

And just think. That's only hitting. You've still got to put together a pitching staff, a bench, and have good team defense!

Thursday, August 2, 2007

The Great Depression All Over Again: Garnett and Gagne to Boston


















Well folks, I know exactly what you must be thinking...where has Jack Bauer been in the past couple of weeks? It is a very fair question and one that I must ultimately address to stop the rumors from circulating. One rumor, for example, is that I drank scotch for days after finding out that Kevin Garnett was being traded to the Boston Celtics. That is not true at all. It was beer, not scotch.

Another rumor is that after hearing on the radio about Eric Gagne being traded to the Red Sox (and not the Yankees), I drove my car off a cliff while angrily screaming "I HAAAAAAAATE THOSSSSEEE BASTARDDDDDDDDS!" Not true either. Jack Bauer would never destroy his car (or his life for that matter) because of Eric freaking Gagne.

Here's the truth, the Garnett trade obviously was a big blow to any Knick fan. As I pointed out in my "Draft Reactions" post in June, the Ray Allen trade was "a bad move for Boston unless there is a KG trade brewing for Jefferson, Ratliff, and change." As much as I didn't want to believe that Boston would still have the pieces to make that move, I knew it was still possible because of how much of a dumbass Kevin McHale is and the fact that Boston still had Rafliff's big expiring contract to make a deal happen.

That expiring contract, believe it or not, was why I told my brother on draft night (upon realizing that Ratliff wasn't involved in the Ray Allen trade) that Boston could still get Garnett hypothetically. On Monday night, it became real, very real.

Here's the deal, Boston now has a legitimate franchise player in Garnett. Pierce and Ray Allen are all-stars, not franchise guys. A franchise player is a player that will give you a chance to win a game no matter who else is on the floor. Garnett does precisely that.

Depth won't be an issue because Boston has suddenly become a desirable city for NBA free agents. Eddie House was signed by the Celtics yesterday and will give them a nice scoring punch off the bench. 100 year old Dikembe Mutombo might be the next free agent to sign with them. Despite the fact that Dikembe is an AARP cardholder, Mutombo is still a solid rebounder and shot-blocker.

Say what you want, but this was a risk the Celtics had to take. This is why you endure years of losing and rebuilding, to have a shot like this. Garnett, Pierce, and Allen are all unselfish stars who immediately make the Celtics a contender. Can Boston win a championship this year? Yes, they can. I don't think they will because I still believe that the Spurs are a better team and I also think that a healthy Heat team would beat them, but you never know with the NBA. Who knows, maybe Boston doesn't run into either of those teams in next year's playoffs, allowing them to win it all. I don't have to even mention how big of a factor injuries can play.

The point is, the Celtics are going to be good this season, really good. This affects the Knicks big-time because there is now one less playoff spot available. If you remember my Ron Artest article, I pointed out that there was a very realistic chance the Knicks could still miss the playoffs this season because of how much the East is improving and how unproven the Knicks still are. With the Garnett trade, the Celtics are guaranteed a playoff spot (unlike before the trade) which means that there is one less playoff spot up for grabs in the East.

Don't you just love the Zach Randolph trade even more right now? I'd expect Isiah to make another offer for Ron Artest right about now.

I don't even want to dwell too much on my last point. I'd rather not talk about how much it will hurt to see a warrior and competitor like Kevin Garnett wear a Celtics uniform, and not a Knicks uniform. At the same time, its bittersweet because I've wanted to see Garnett in a winning situation for a long time.

With all that said about the Garnett trade, I do want to briefly touch on the Gagne trade.

I'm not a big Gagne fan, really. I've always thought he is overrated. Still, I thought we could at least use him instead of Kyle Farnsworth. I laughed at the notion that the Red Sox were attempting to get Gagne (just like I laughed at the Rangers wanting Phillip Hughes in a potential Gagne trade). I really didn't see what use Boston had for him and I still don't. However, seeing the Red Sox actually trade for him to cockblock us made me think about how pathetic and desperate the Red Sox truly are.

The Red Sox play the part of the fat ass loser that happens to be best friends with the girl (Eric Gagne) you have a crush on. While you (Yankees) have a legitimate shot to get with this girl (because the girl also happens to like you too), the friend knows he has no chance and has been given the "just friends" speech from the girl, but still tries to do anything he can to get with her. Even though the guy should just back off, he actually does whatever he can do to prevent the girl from being with you (breaking a man law in the process).

And of course, you (the Yankees) want to beat the shit out of the girl's friend (Red Sox).

Ultimately, you don't get the girl because that son of a bitch friend of hers does just enough to keep her as a friend while turning her against you. Although that guy won't get any from her (an inefficient solution) like you would have (efficient solution), he effectively prevented you from the right solution.

See, the Red Sox are exactly like that loser. They don't really have anything to gain from the girl (Gagne) except maybe some friendship. However, they did whatever they could to prevent the efficient outcome, the Yankees getting some much needed service in the bullpen (insert "thats what she said joke" here).

The perfect cockblock by the Red Sox. Well played Boston. So, who is the Evil Empire now fuckers?