The best news I have ever heard in my whole life

MIKE MYERS DESIGNATED FOR ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only better news that I could hear would be the following things:

1. David Ortiz tests positive for HGH, the clear, the cream, and dangerously high cholesterol due to bacon fat (does that mean what I think it means?)
2. Jonathan Papelbon turns into Rick Ankiel
3. Fenway Park collapses and the team is forced to play their home games in Yankee Stadium. Let's see how Mikey does in the double and HR categories away from Fenway.

Hell, even with Fenway Park's help, he is and will continue to come back down to earth. This butthole leads the league in fence-scraping, cheapo, piece of shit home runs as you can see there. Even though his batting average is still .305, his OPS and SLG are down to .847 and .491 from the ridiculous .992 and .595 it had been (as late as June 2nd, the same day he knocked out Douggy Bombs with his concussion knee). And there's no hope for him either. He always sucks in the second half power-wise and is still 51 pts above his prOPS, which means he will probably keep crashing along with the Red Sox.

Seriously, all they've been doing since early June is ride their overachieved first two months. They were 37-17 after that June 2nd game. They are now 68-44. They have been barely a .500 team since. Fuck the Wild Card, I want the division. I'll settle for the Wild Card, but I fucking want Boston going down. I hate them and their stupid fans so much.