It gives me great pleasure to report this.
Jimmy Rollins
.001 ExI (Excitement Index), .033 UnDLPoDA (Unnecessarily Dances Like a Prick outside Dugout Average), .028 MMWJkOr (Makes Morons Wanna Jerk Off Rate)
Hanley Ramirez
.001 ExI, .029 UnDLPoDA, .028 MMWJkOr
Edgar Renteria
-.007 ExI, .032 UnDLPoDA, .019 MMWJkOr
Jose Reyes
.989 ExI, 1.283 (New MLB Record!!!) UnDLPoDA, 1.107 MMWJkOr (or about what ARod can slug under anesthesia)
Jose Reyes is amazing. He's so exciting. That's gotta account for like, every win the Mets have. And he always hustles, too. All those other shortstops suck because they're not exciting. But, in case you're interested in actual performance and shit, which you shouldn't be because excitement and energy is what counts, here you go:
Jimmy Rollins
.295 eqA, 9.2 WARP3
Hanley Ramirez
.327 eqA, 9.0 WARP3
Edgar Renteria
.316 eqA, 10.4 WARP3
Jose Reyes
.303 eqA, 9.2 WARP3
Fuck that their actual performance is practically all the same. That shit doesn't measure the essence or the true value of Jose Reyes. I'd take Reyes over those other guys anyday.
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