Friday, July 20, 2007

Mike Francesa is an obese, obnoxious, know-it-all prick

After the YES Network's coverage of the Yankees ended yesterday, it went right to WFAN's Mike and the Maddog. Russo (Maddog) wasn't there, so it was just Fatso. Here are two of the things he said. Let's dissect this fat bastard's comment one by one.

Top pitchers close out games like this. Wang didn't do it today. And he had good stuff. A top pitcher when he has his good stuff makes that 2-0 lead stand. That's what separates a top pitcher from just a good pitcher.

Look, I'm bummed that Wang blew the lead. He was great for 6 innings and it came apart in the 7th inning, when he gave up all three runs in what seemed like 30 seconds. But, Francesa made this sound as if it's the worst thing in the world to blow a two run lead like that. Wang in total went 7 1/3 innings, allowing 3 ER and walked nobody. That's a very good outing. He pitched very late into the game and gave the team an excellent chance to win. I guess Francesa would prefer a guy go 6 innings and allow 7 ER but since his lineup scored 11 runs and the bullpen allowed no runs, the starter did a great job because he was able to "pitch to the score" and "won" the game. Does this make the 6 inning, 7 ER guy better than Wang? Francesa would probably say yes, because he's an idiot.

B.A.: Hey, Mike. Love listening to your show. I heard-
Francesa: We'll be back after this.
(4 minutes of commercials)
(WFAN Mike and the Maddog return from commercial music)
Francesa: Alright, we're back, go ahead B.A.
B.A.: Thanks. I just wanted to ask you about the free agent signing. I heard that Rick Helling is a free agent along with Johan Santana. I think that the Yankees should go after Santana. Do you agree?
Francesa: 20/20 update, with Minko.
(20/20 update, then 7 minutes of commercials)
(WFAN Mike and the Maddog return from commercial music)
Francesa: Alright we're back. And if any of you while listening to this show ever get a midnight craving, there's nothing quite like the Jon Miller Bacon Fat Banana Split, or the Mike Francesa Steak Lard Cannoli. Pick up one of these on your next trip to Dairy Queen after a trip to Paul Lo Duca's 13-and-under Night Club. Alright, so back to B.A.'s question.
B.A.: Yes, thank you.
Francesa: One more commercial break, back after this.
(14 minutes of commercials)
Francesa: OK, we're back. So I'm going to get to B.A.'s question.
B.A.: Thanks.
Francesa: How could you want Johan Santana over Rick Helling? Rick Helling won all 35 of his starts this year. Santana didn't win any!
B.A.: But Helling's ERA and WHIP weighed more than you do.
Francesa: What does that even mean? And who cares? He won those games.
B.A.: Well, his lineup consisted of 9 ARods. Santana's lineup was the St. Paul Geriatric Center Canasta team. And Santana had 24.78 K/9 IP with a 0.1 WHIP. He pitched 31 no-hitters and 6 1-hitters.
Francesa: But did he win those games?
B.A.: If he had any sort of lineup-
Francesa: (loudly and obnoxiously) Answer my question, did he win the games?
B.A.: No, he didn't, but how does that make Santana-
Francesa: There you go.
B.A.: Will you shut up and let me make my point fatso? You honestly would rather take a guy who sucks but gets wins because his lineup is disgusting over a guy who's damn near perfect but loses because his lineup's combined age also weighs more than you?
Francesa: It actually doesn't, I weighed in at 2 tons yesterday. And, yes I would. Because he won the games. Case closed. Show's over. Time for some raw ground sirloin 24 inch subs.

I don't think the Yankees are catching Boston. I think they'll get the Wild Card. But guys, they're not catching Boston. They're 7 games back with 70 games to play. It's hard to blow that kind of lead. And Boston's good! They got a lot of talent on that team. They're going to start playing better baseball very soon. That guy Gabbard is pitching great in Schilling's spot. Manny's very due to get hot, too. Watch out for him.

Francesa's a Yankees fan by the way. But, come on. Boston's good?! I've already written about this, but let's go over everything again:

Youkilis and Lowell - Two guys who were hitting way over their heads for the two-three months. They've been coming back down to earth for a little while and are still due to keep going down because of how ridiculous their starts were.
Matsuzaka - He's pretty good, but he's not unhittable. Yankees have scored a bunch of runs each time he's pitched.
Beckett - This guy feasts on bad teams. Good teams more often than not knock him around. I can't wait to see him have to start against Detroit. Or have to face Cleveland again. What I love about this trade is that the great genius Theo Epstein gave up Hanley Ramirez for this guy and the HMH-taker with the genie beard...and now they're stuck with Julio fucking Lugo. HA!
Wakefield - So hit or miss, and it looks like all his hits came in the first 1.5 months.
Gabbard - 3.38 ERA, 1.19 WHIP in 29.1 innings. Let's hold off on the coronation. A more telling stat is in the 55 innings he's pitched in the big leagues, he has 30 walks. That's terrible. A guy like that is not going to keep dodging bullets.
Papelbon - As pointed out before, he's fragile. Francona has to be very careful with him.
Crisp, Lugo, Drew - Stink like a rotten fish market, or a you-know-what.
Manny - I know his track record can't be ignored, but Manny is 35 and he's never struggled (for Manny that is) for this long. Entirely possible that he's on the decline.
Ortiz - With his knee and my theory that he got off whatever he was taking because of that irregular heartbeat, he's not going to hit for power. And while he hits in Fenway which inflates BA, it's going to come down. He will not finish at .320. I also love how his PrSLG is .511. So take away some of his Fenway Park doubles (Fenway is #1 place to hit doubles this year, and has been #1 for the past 3 seasons) and he's slugging about 120-150 points lower than he did in his previous two seasons.

The AL East title is entirely reachable for the Yankees. Mike Francesa's body fat percentage, weight, and BOC (Blood Obnoxiousness Content) on the other hand, is unreachable.


Douggy Bombs said...

jersey mike (that's a reference to the sandwich place) and his angry french poodle are the reason that people think new yorkers don't know anything about sports. it just goes back to "why do people who know nothing, know it the loudest?"

B.A. Baracus said...

Indeed. I used to like these guys, but after a year of learning a lot about baseball away from NY, I turn on the FAN and I just hear two idiots. One a pretentious fatso, the other just a screaming lunatic (who I admit I find entertaining in part due to his stupidity). I mean, is there a single person on the radio worth listening to?