To substantiate what I said earlier

Youkilis actually has hit this well before...in NCAA and his last bit of time in AAA ball when he was 26 years old, which means it's somewhat less impressive (great looking numbers post-age 25 are suspect). Youkilis in his 5 years in the minors had this line:

1407 AB - 30 HR/.444 OBA/.441 SLG

He gets on base a ton. I am perfectly willing to give him credit for this. It's super-valuable, especially when hitting in front of Ortiz and Manny (at least he should be their number 2 hitter, I think I've seen him hitting 5th in the lineup too). He's a very disciplined hitter with so-so pop. The latter is what's driving me nuts. He has fucking so-so pop and yet he's slugging .561 right now (17 2B and 8 HR, one being an incredibly fluky inside-the-parker). This is a little ridiculous. Mike Lowell is also swinging on another planet right now with 15 2B and 10 HR adding up to a .573 SLG. Just goes to show you how things just refuse to go wrong for those Bostonian fucks. Gotta love their home/away splits:

Blowell (2007 home/away): 1.027 OPS/.856 OPS
Pukelis (2007 home/away): 1.057 OPS/.924 OPS

And Pukelis' OPS on the road is definitely luck (projected OPS is .866 and actual is .987) and no worries, it will go down. The big difference between home and away for both of them demonstrates how Fenway Park is a shithole-haven for crappy hitters to revitalize their careers. Let's look at some other great home/away splits:

Kevin Pukelis (2006 home/away): .844 OPS/.774 OPS
Jason "I'm a bullshit captain, a huge prick, and I have a surname that sounds like a pathetic, bankrupt technology company" Varitek (2007 home/away): .910 OPS/.729 OPS
Mark Loretta (2006 home/away): .787 OPS/.622 OPS
Kevin "Cowboy (take it) Up (the ass)" Millar (2004 home/away): 1.017 OPS/.689 OPS
Bill "No one will ever remember I won the 2003 Batting title" Mueller (2004 home/away): .992 OPS/.638 OPS
Johnny Damon (2005 home/away): .837 OPS/.780 OPS (Though I will give him more of a pass since he left that overly bearded asylum for assholes and morons.)

I fucking hate ballparks that favor hitters like that, especially shitty ones. I also hate ballparks that have classless dumbass fans fill up 80% of the seats. I strongly prefer parks that help pitchers in this ridiculous live ball era.

Fenway Park Park Factors:
2003 - 105/104
2004 - 106/105
2005 - 101/101
2006 - 102/101

Yankee Stadium Park Factors:
2003 - 96/97
2004 - 96/97
2005 - 103/102
2006 - 95/96

Over 100 favors the batters. Under 100 favors pitchers.

Come on, Yankees. Pull off another 1978.

Kobe Demands Trade...Backs Off....Shaq Backs Kobe....Pigs Fly!

Stephen A. Smith: You're still under contract with them. Are you saying right here, on this show, that you want to be traded?

Kobe Bryant: Yeah, I would like to be traded, yeah.

A few seconds later...

Stephen A. Smith: Are you saying now emphatically, regardless of what they done, you want out of Los Angeles?

Kobe Bryant: Yeah. I would like to be traded...as tough as it is to say that, as tough as it is to come to that conclusion. There's no other....there's no other, there's no other alternative, you know? They obviously want to move in a different direction in terms of you know rebuilding, I wish they would have, you know, told me that, you know, prior to me resigning with the team.

Shortly after, the nail in the coffin...

Stephen A. Smith: Is there anything that the Los Angeles Lakers can do to make you change your mind and decide that you do not want to be traded?

Kobe Bryant: No

Stephen A. Smith: Nothing?

Kobe Bryant: No

Convincing enough, right? Kobe is demanding a trade! Holy shit! This is big news. I wonder if Isiah is giving Mitch Kupchak (Lakers GM) a call right now. Wow, I can't believe this!

Later though, Bryant talked to Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio and seemed to reconsider.

"I'm so tired of talking," Bryant said. "It's tough. I always dreamed about retiring as a Laker. I just hope and hope that something can be resolved. Something can be figured out. Just something so I can stay here and be in this city and be with the team I love."

Wait a mintue? Didn't Kobe say earlier today that under no circumstances would he change his mind about demanding a trade? All of a sudden, he flip-flops as much as John Kerry did in the 2004 presidential debates?

"When Phil and I spoke, he was optimistic and determined that we'll both be back," Bryant told Patrick. "Phil is somebody I listen to. I lean on him a lot. He assured me things are going to be OK. Things are going to be all right. Don't go full bore just yet. Take a deep breath and let us work these things out and everything will be all right. Which was very encouraging.

I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to be here for the rest of my career. It was encouraging to hear that."


Confused yet? Great. Things get even better.

Earlier in the day, Bryant said Buss masterminded the trade of Shaquille O'Neal -- and Shaq later confirmed Kobe's account.

"I believe Kobe 100 percent," O'Neal said when reached in Los Angeles. "Absolutely. There's no doubt in my mind Kobe is telling the truth. I believe him a thousand percent."

Woah! Did Shaq just back up Kobe? This has been one fucked up day. Does this mean they are like screwing each other? I guess we'll know for sure if Kobe has to buy his wife another expensive diamond ring.

So what the hell is going on? No one seems to know for sure except the superstar himself. One thing is for sure though, if Kobe truly demands a trade to the Lakers, Isiah Thomas better be ready to do whatever is necessary to bring the whiny bitch to New York. I don't care if he has to blow Mitch Kupchak in the process. Anything it takes Isiah. Bring Kobe to NY.

Kobe has a trade kicker in his contract that will add $9.5 million to his total contract value, a cost to be absorbed by any team that acquires him. Thankfully, absorbing contracts is what the Knicks do best.

Yes, it's a huge longshot at best. The Knicks have some good young talent (Curry being the biggest piece, the one guy we'd try to keep in any Kobe deal to re-create a Shaq-Kobe kind of thing), but let's be real, other teams can offer more in that department.

Kobe wants NY though. The endorsements are there and he'd be playing on the biggest stage. The two serious threats the Knicks would face in the Kobe Bryant sweepstakes are the Celtics (very good young talent to offer along with the 5th pick in the draft) and the Bulls (top-notch prospects and probably the most attractive destination for Kobe since the team would be a contender with him and he'd still be playing in a huge market).

Still, if there is any truth to this Kobe wanting to leave crap. Isiah better do everything and anything he can to try to get him. I don't care if that means offering Quentin Richardson, Jamal Crawford, David Lee, Channing Frye, and the 22nd pick in the draft for him (Lee is my favorite Knick, but this is Kobe we're talking about, the best wing player in the game right now). If the Lakers want Curry, I'd gladly trade him for Kobe (although I wouldn't add much to that, definitely not Lee).

Anyway, should fun to see how this plays out. Odds are this day will produce a whole lot of nothing. The Lakers will find a way to satisfy Kobe (not that way you sick bastards) and he'll probably stay in LA. Still, we can't dream, can't we?

Pure absurdity

Yankees lose again, this time because of a steal of home plate and a continuing lack of offense from a nearly-unchanged lineup that scored 930 runs last year.

Mets win because of 2 balks by their former closer Armando Benitez. Delgado homered to win it, but still, two fucking balks.

Red Sox win because Kevin Youkilis is hitting better than he has ever hit in his entire life.

Can it get any more annoying?

I think the only way I can stop this is by going in to pitch so I can fucking nail Youkilis in his ribs with a fastball. I'd go headhunting but his scumbag goatee is too fucking big to allow the fastball to hurt enough. Also, I would love to come in to pitch against the Mets so I could fucking kill Reyes with a fastball right to his head. Did you see his fruity dancing in the dugout last night?! Or his trot home after the balk that was clearly mocking Benitez? Someone needs to fucking knock him out. I hope Reyes suffers some sort of career ending injury someday soon so Mets fans won't have his "excitement" to jerk off to. I wouldn't even care if the player they got was better than Reyes. Just someone who isn't sucked off for any minor thing he does and doesn't act like a fucking 6 year old brat in little league.

And Torre continues to piss me off

Yesterday he brings in Vizcaino who manages to pitch out of a bases loaded jam by striking out Frank Thomas and then after a walk in the next inning, induces a double play and a weak popout. He is actually pitching well. Gotta figure it's worth letting him take the 7th inning, too. You don't want to eat up 3-4 guys in your bullpen for this game. Wait, he was pulled?! Why might you ask? Why in the name of all that is holy, sacred, blessed, stoned, shitfaced and mildly retarded? Because Joe Torre said so and he knows best. He's going to bring in Ron Villone (speaking of holy and sacred, Jesus himself had to be responsible for repairing this guy's left arm and shoulder after Torre used him in like 148 games last year because only Jesus could repair the destructive results of Joe Torre bullpen management). Villone comes in and sucks, then Myers comes in to continue his tradition of lefty specialist suckage. And guess what, we have then used 3 pitchers from the bullpen for the night. Brilliant, Joe, just brilliant.

Of course there are those who defend Torre to death with shit like, "He managed the team to 4 World Series in 5 years along with 2 other trips to the World Series and the AL East title in every year but 1997! And he made lots of brilliant, gutsy moves that paid off"

Let's break down some of Joe Torre's "brilliant, gutsy" moves in the World Series Championship years:

1. 1996 World Series, Game 5:
Top 9th, runner on 3rd, 2 out
Doesn't pinch hit for Pettitte so he can pitch, who flies out, and then allows a double to Chipper Jones to lead off the bottom of the 9th. That was gold.

2. 1998 World Series, Game 1:
Starts Ricky Ledee in Left Field instead of Spencer.
Ledee hits a big 2 run double and draws a big walk off Kevin Brown in the game. This was a genius move? Left fielders for the Yankees in 1998 were all pretty ordinary aside from Shane Spencer's 67 video game at bats. And at by that point, the video game had been turned off. So he puts in Ledee, an unproven player at that point, who has proven to be terrible, and got lucky.

3. 1999 World Series, Game 3:
Starts Chad Curtis in left field instead of Ricky Ledee who actually had been hitting pretty well in that postseason (3 doubles, a grand slam, 3 walks). Curtis had never had a hit off the Braves' starter that night, Tom Glavine. Curtis got a ball in the air to right, the ball was carrying ridiculously well that night, and it found its way into the right field seats. And then he hit probably the longest HR he ever hit in his life off Remlinger to win the game in the 10th. Great move by Torre? It worked, but not everything that works is necessarily a genius move and is sometimes a dumb move. And in this case, starting mediocre-to-bad Chad Curtis instead of hot-hitting Ricky Ledee was a dumb move. Oh wait, now I know why. Lefty vs. lefty! Even if the lefty is OPSing 1.500 against the southpaw, the righty (who is 1 for 197 with no walks) will get the start because Torre knows in his own mind that lefty vs. lefty = bad and lefty vs. righty = good.

Those are the ones that stick out the most to me. But the general idea is this: Joe Torre did not win these championships by great managing, he won because he had an offense that put up OBAs over .360 in 3 of the 4 championships (.354 in the other year) and a pitching staff that boasted above average to good ERAs in all four championships. If I were manager, I think just sitting back and letting these guys handle all the shit would be the intelligent thing to do. You know? That's just me. I don't think even Ozzie Guillen or Dusty Baker could have fucked up those teams.

It just keeps getting worse

Friday night

What would any human being with a brain do in this instance:

Tyler Clippard, your starter, has gone 4 innings, allowed 3 runs, got knocked around a little bit on some pitches up (not to mention that one or two of the doubles he gave up Damon could have caught), but made some big pitches when he needed to in order to limit the damage and did not walk anybody. And even more importantly – Clippard, a young arm, has only thrown about 75 pitches. Here are your two options:

(a) Let him continue because, while his command is not perfect, he is not walking people and would probably benefit from, as Clemens would call it, “grinding it out”. It’d likely help build up his confidence.

(b) Pull him, which basically says to him, “I have no confidence in your ability to get guys out when you don’t have your best stuff.” Bring in Matt DeSalvo, who has never made an appearance out of the bullpen before and considering the fact that, while he has pitched fairly well, has walked 10 people in 17 innings = recipe for disaster.

Logical choice is (a), but leave it to the great genius Joe Torre to choose otherwise. And what did DeSalvo do? You guessed it! He walked 2 people, allowed a single and then a double! Pure awesomeness. Then of course Vizcaino comes in, walks the ballpark and allows 4 ER as well as the first HR of 2007 for the incredibly average/below average hitting Chone Figgins while recording only 3 outs in the process. Another fantastic job by this bullpen.

Another thing I’d point out about Chone Figgins. Over his career he has a .726 OPS. Against the Yankees, it’s fucking .862. I can’t stand seeing his scrappy ass constantly getting on base and being a fucking polyp in the Yankees’ bowel so much more often against them than against any other team because he’s not that fucking good and he’s overrated just like 95% of all fast, scrappy, gritty players. Sportswriters try to prove these guys are just as important as the Thomes and the Howards through the use of annoying clichés in lieu of stats which happen prove the opposite.

And of course, Torre’s move begged the question “Why did you pull Clippard?” for his postgame interview. What could possibly be his reason for doing so?

“Oh it was location. He was all over the place. Getting the ball down to some batters, others not. Yeah, I know it was only 75 pitches, but he had to work hard the whole time.”

I guess all over the place for Torre is throwing strikes, considering he walked NOBODY. Yes, he had a little bit of trouble getting the ball down at times, but come on, everyone has to battle when they don’t have their best stuff. Mussina clearly did not have his best stuff on Tuesday night (Clippard was just missing some spots here and there, Mussina’s fastball wasn’t coming in harder than like 87 MPH!!! Big difference.) and Torre let him go 6 2/3 innings. But Clippard after having allowed just 3 runs in 4 innings, not terrible, gets pulled because his stuff wasn't perfect. Terrible decision. And as far as I know…I mean, I’m a physics major. I do lots of stuff with math and shit. You know, B.A. Baracus don’t like no liberal arts jibba jabba! I don’t bother with that crap because I feel that many of those majors are exercises in futility leading to degrees in irrelevance and misleading, inflated GPAs that prove nothing other than that you are proficient in meaningless bullshit (i.e. Classics, Art History, English, etc. Quite frankly a degree in Advanced Jerking Off Techniques might be more useful. At least the benefits of the degree would be tangible.). Anyway, enough of my opinion on indolent people who feel like wasting 4 years studying inane crap versus something useful. Back to the matter at hand...as far as my knowledge of math in baseball goes…1 pitch doesn’t equal 1.5, or 2.9, or 193.2 pitches, Joe. 75 pitches = 75 pitches = 75 pitches => He’s not that tired (he is quoted as saying he wanted to stay in) => Leave him in = what Torre should have done ≠ what Torre did => Torre is a fucking senile idiot.

Typical conversation with Mattingly in middle innings:

Torre: Uh oh, bloop single. Gotta get the bullpen up.
Mattingly: This is the 13th time this game that you’ve had the bullpen warm up in this game. You’ve probably overworked them already.
Torre: Nah, I doubt it. Get Proctor going.
Mattingly: But he’s thrown 51,849,294 pitches in the past week. Monahan had to use your daughter's Elmer's glue stick to reattach his arm that fell off when you took the ball from him last time.
Torre: Get him and Villone going.
Mattingly: But you destroyed Villone’s arm last year and now he sucks.
Torre: Ortiz is coming up soon, get Myers going.
Mattingly: But Ortiz is 5 for 14 with a 1.018 OPS against him. Lefty vs. lefty only works when the lefty batter doesn’t hit the lefty pitcher.
Torre: Get Paul Quantrill up.
Mattingly: He’s not on the team anymore.
Torre: Let’s get those guys along with Tanyon Sturtze, Tom Gordon, Jeff Nelson, Mike Stanton, Graeme Lloyd, David Weathers, and John Wetteland, too.
Mattingly (thinking to self): Dr. Kevorkian's getting out of jail next week. I think I'll give him a call.

Torre’s gotta go after 2007.

Come on, Giambi...

Giambi tested positive for amphetamines. It's not HGH or steroids, but still. What are you doing?! Don't you know that you're a big time target for drug testing? Really fucking stupid...

And what bothers me also is that there is still no talk of the possibility that Ortiz is/was on them. I am not saying that he is on them, but look at these pictures, take into consideration his strange irregular heartbeat, and then tell me you're not suspicious of him at all:

http://www.homeruncards.com/imagesrc/david-ortiz-ultra.jpg (1997)
http://onlineathens.com/images/090705/21746_512.jpg (now)

It's not just fat people, he's massive. Also consider his defense of Bonds and his strange statement about how he might have taken steroids accidentally while drinking protein shakes he got at GNC in D.R. But no mention of him possibly being a steroid guy, because he's lovable Big Papi that always gets the clutch hits and kills the Yankees. Irritating...

From Jail Blazers to Damn Lucky....The 2007 NBA Draft Lottery

Top Stories

1. Oden to Portland

On Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007, the Portland Trail Blazers struck gold. Perhaps its fitting that a month after David Halberstam passed away (author of the classic book "Breaks of the Game" which chronicled the 1979 Portland Trail Blazers), the Blazers walked into the draft lottery with only a 5.3% chance of landing the first pick and walked out the winners of the Greg Oden Sweepstakes.

Just like that, Portland is selling season tickets at a rapid pace. Not only will they have Greg Oden next season (I don't believe for a minute that they would take Durant over him), but, they will also bring back Brandon Roy, who just happened to be the NBA Rookie of the Year this season. It truly is a match made in heaven. Have fun trying to double team Greg Oden next season when he can simply kick it out to Brandon Roy, one of the few players in the present day NBA that can shoot. Not many guards can average close to 17 points per game while shooting over 45% from the field (around 20 guards averaged over 15 ppg last season while shooting above 45%, a bunch of them being point guards and combo guards). For a rookie to do that in the present day NBA is just rare. Roy is the epitome of an efficient shooting guard.

Of course, I haven't even talked about why getting Oden is such a big deal. We all know the details by now. He's been called the best big man prospect since David Robinson and rightfully so. He is everything a center in the NBA should be.

Not only is Oden a game-changing shot blocker the moment he steps on the court, but, he has evolved into a dominant individual defender as well. Anyone that wants to know about his offensive game just needs to watch tape of the title game against Florida where he abused top NBA prospect Al Horford.

The kid has it all. He has been a "winner" at every level so far which should satisfy those that have that requirement.

Either way, Portland is back on the NBA map. Oden, Roy, and company will give Portland a contender for many seasons to come. Watch out for the Blazers. They'll be back relatively soon.

2. Durant Saves Sonics

The SuperSonics will end up with a player who would have gone No. 1 in most drafts. Kevin Durant might even be more than that. The Sonics haven't been able to get a new arena and aren't guaranteed to be in Seattle past next season. Consequently, Durant could help save the NBA in Seattle. Either way, Durant fits Seattle's uptempo offense perfectly and the Sonics should be a fun team to watch again. Getting Durant kills a ton of leverage that Rashard Lewis would have had on Seattle in free agency. The All-Star SF will likely end up somewhere else (hell, maybe the Knicks via sign and trade).

3. Too Bad for Boston....Not (Celtics drop to 5th overall pick)

Bill Simmons must be crying somewhere. You want to talk about a franchise with bad luck? Can you say Lenny Bias? How about Reggie Lewis? The Rick Pitino era?

The Celtics have been a mess ever since Red Auerbach handed over the keys to the franchise. After Red's death, one would think that Boston would at least get some luck in the lottery. No chance. The Celtics, with the second worst record in the league, shockingly dropped to the 5th overall pick in the draft. No Oden, no Durant, no Al Horford even.

Why don't I feel any sympathy then for Celtics fans? Quite frankly, I'm glad the Knicks won't have to deal with facing Oden or Durant in the Atlantic Division four times a season. When the Celtics also happen to be the premier franchise in NBA history, its pretty easy not feeling bad for them.

4. Knicks Don't Give Away Oden or Durant!

Had the Knicks given away Greg Oden because of Eddy Curry, I would have had a heart attack...true story.

Luckily, there will be no riots at MSG.....and Isiah can sleep like a baby.

Jon Miller and Joe Morgan really fucking blow

I always knew the above, but tonight was just ridiculous. After Wright hit his HR, ESPN showed the replay about 4 times and Miller and Morgan practically removed Wright's cup and sucked him off the rest of the inning. The Mets then loaded the bases with the great Jose Reyes at the plate and he flew out to end the inning. Of course the focus then goes back to the Wright HR and there was no mention of the men left on base. On the flipside, Maine was sucking and he dodged a couple bullets (including a 3 run homer by about 2 feet down the left field line by Cano) and everything was about how Maine has been so good. Each time the Yankees left men on, it was "the Yankees leave more men on base". Then, out of nowhere, they started talking about Giambi's steroid admission/apology he made a few days ago and what not. And that's all they talked about while the Yankees were up. It was infuriating. And not to mention the fact that no one else came up. Giambi's steroid taking helped the A's win more than they should have, get a bigger contract with the Yankees, and win an MVP he might not have gotten clean. Definitely was the wrong thing to do. However, there was no mention of Bonds, whose steroid-taking aided him in breaking the single season HR record and is currently aiding him in breaking the fucking all-time HR record. And not to mention that Giambi in his grand jury testimony admitted to knowingly taking them whereas Bonds didn't (and his trainer's in jail for refusing to talk). But of course these pieces of shit won't say anything because Morgan wants Barroid to be his boyfriend and that fatass Miller is an announcer for the SF Giants. And another interesting note, of the two teams on the field that night, only one of them has players that were suspended for steroid use. And that just would happen to be the Mets. Then after this the Yankees get the two out hit from Damon for 2 runs with Jeter following that up with the 2 run bomb to put the Yanks up 4-1. (Interesting point I hadn't made about Maine before: he has been pretty lucky. He walks a lot of people and his groundball/flyball ratio is 0.69, a recipe for multi-run homers.) At this point, you can just tell that Miller and Morgan are not enjoying themselves. Any negative they could possibly bring up about the Yankees they did. Any positive that they could bring up about the Mets they did. At the end, for example, he even said, "Mariano Rivera finishes the last inning, and it took him 27 pitches," sounding like it was an insult. "You had to throw 27 pitches to get the last 3 outs, you suck!" *as Miller finishes his large bacon cheeseburger pizza, Aussie cheese fries, jumbo buffalo wings, babyback ribs, and super size 20 piece Chicken McNuggets...with a Diet Coke* Mariano hadn't pitched a whole lot and his command wasn't quite there which why he gave up that meaningless HR to Damion Easley, who I maintain will come back down to the world of less-than-mediocrity (i.e. sucking) very soon. So, Mariano taking 27 pitches is understandable and not necessarily a bad thing since he needs work. Jon Miller - go stuff your fat face with more bacon cheeseburger pizzas, clog your already plaque decorated arteries and shut the fuck up you anti-Yankee prick. Joe Morgan - get together with Reyes and Bonds to have a threeway jack-off session, you anti-Yankee, baseball ignoramus.

I don't think I hate anything as much as I hate the Mets and their fans

The team is a bunch of cocksucking morons who all shave their heads thinking that it's cool to look like a bunch of freshly circumsized schlongs. I've always hated that sort of thing when teams collectively shave their heads (like the Mets) or all grow out a ridiculous amount of facial hair (Red Sox) and look like a bunch of assholes. Here are some but not all of the annoying aspects of this team:

Reyes:

-Incredibly overrated, he's no better or worse than Jimmy Rollins, Hanley Ramirez, Bill Hall, and especially Derek Jeter, who is probably part of the reason that Mets' fans are such phallus-blowers for Reyes. Since Jeter has a lifetime eqA of .305, .384 OBA/.479 SLG in the postseason , makes lots of money, doesn't flaunt like the typical Mets cocksucker, and can get with any hot woman he wants, Mets' fans all hate him and blow Reyes incessantly hoping it will improve his performance. And another thing, Jeter-haters jeeringly call him Captain Intangibles. Yeah, a WARP3 average of 8.6 each year is "intangible". Blow me.

-He steals bases and hits triples, wow, I'm blown away by this excitement! How about a little less excitement and a little more consistency in your OPS. In the last 8 months of baseball dating back to last year, he has OPS'd over 1.000 in 3 of those months, in the other 5 months he has failed to OPS over .800.

-The fans' cheer for him is so fucking irritating. An incredibly plaguy soccer chant made 400 times worse. Just when you think something can't get worse, just put Mets fans on it. They could take Rocky V and turn it into Gigli, Brokeback Mountain, From Justin to Kelly, Plan 9 from Outer Space, and Crossroads combined.

Easley:

-Currently has a .306 eqA on the season. He hasn't put up an eqA over .280 since 1998. Goin' doowwwwwwn.

Green:

-Currently has a .315 eqA on the season. His best eqA since 2002's .323 has been .285. He'll fade, too.

"Everybody clap 'yo hands!" *clapclapclapclapclapclap...*:

-This is one of the most annoying, lamest cheers I have ever heard at a major league ballpark. Or the other one that has the same voice babble some crap before he starts a "Let's go Mets" cheer. Since it's so bad already, and knowing Mets' fans uncanny ability to exacerbate the already deplorable, and their usual act of self-gratification after anything Reyes does, why not do this: after Reyes steals a base, or hits a triple, or gets picked off, which has apparently also been described as exciting by some Mets moron (I apologize for the redondancy here, Mets and morons are one and the same), or does an irritating dance that merits a Joel Zumaya fastball between his eyes in his next at bat, play, "Everybody jack off now!" *squirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirt*..."Joseeeeee Jose Jose Joseeeeeeee..."

How it has suddenly become cool to be a Mets' fan:

-This just further encourages me to remain a Yankees fan, even though watching them this season has been infuriating. Seeing all these bandwagon weenie fuckfaces starting to become Mets' fans just makes my blood boil. The second the Mets are actually good, the Yankees after years of being the much better team take a backseat to these Flushing Fucks. I understand that if the Mets are doing better than the Yankees that there will be more attention paid to the Mets, that's not what I mean. I'm talking about the bullshit that Mets' fans spew like "Yankees suck!" and "Who cares about 26 WS titles? They all came last millenium! Who cares about the past!" First off, the Yankees haven't won since 2000, that is 7 years ago. Not very long. And if the Mets had won 4 world championships in 5 years recently or 26 total, boy would they be quick to turn around on the past's relevance. And if you wanna talk droughts, forget the Yankees' massive single-digit year drought, the Mets kinda have a big one. The last time they won, Ronald Reagan was still president, Sammy Hagar had just joined Van Halen, and the Berlin wall was still up. And before that, the last time they won, Sesame Street hadn't had its first episode yet. And the Yankees beat their asses in the World Series also. That never gets brought up. I wonder if Mets fans even remember if that happened. I think they have an extremely good ability to block out unpleasant experience. And considering the Mets average a playoff appearance once every 6.4 years (Amazin'? You gotta be joking), they kinda need to have that ability. And last year they failed to reach the World Series again because of guys like So Taguchi, Yadier Molina, their own manager being afraid to bring in his $10 million closer in Game 7 of the NLCS and sending up Cliff Floyd in the 9th hoping for a Kirk Gibson, and their own Carlos Beltran watching an Adam Wainwright curveball strike him out. New York Mets. Our Team. Our Time. Keep waiting, schmucks. You bandwagon jackoffs don't know shit about baseball...actually, you don't know shit about anything come to think of it. Enjoy the Mets' winning so you can call up WFAN and engage in a Mets' masturbation orgy with Steve Somers at 2 in the morning since most of you don't need to be up until 11 am to go pick up your welfare checks.

B.A. Baracus gettin' mad...REAL MAD!!!

B.A. 'bout to give you two sets of numbas, foo!

1.
.235 OBA/.308 SLG, 1 BB, 66 AB
.200 OBA/.269 SLG, 1 BB, 52 AB
.354 OBA/.327 SLG, 6 BB, 55 AB
.368 OBA/.258 SLG, 8 BB, 31 AB

2.
.227 OBA/.273 SLG, 0 BB, 22 AB
.286 OBA/.091 SLG, 3 BB, 11 AB
.192 OBA/.087 SLG, 3 BB, 21 AB
.192 OBA/.280 SLG, 1 BB, 25 AB
.095 OBA/.095 SLG, 0 BB, 21 AB

These numbers are:
a. The Chicago White Sox team box score every game
b. what Darin Erstad does every 308 at bats, or check that, what Darin Erstad has done for 85% of his career, but looking really tough the whole time which is what really matters
c. Abreu, Cano, ARod, and Giambi in May, and Damon, Giambi, ARod, Abreu, and Cano over the past week

The answer should be:
a or b

Unfortunately the answer is:
c

This is absolutely ridiculous. In the month of May they've averaged 4.75 runs per game, which does not look that bad, but they've had 2 games of scoring over 10 runs (kinda hilarious but fucking infuriating that they scored 11 runs one game and lost because Kei Igawa pitched like the $46 million dollar barrel of horse manure he has been so far, and yes he shits manure because he looks like Mr. Ed) to bring that average up. In 6 of the 16 games played so far this month, the Yankees have scored 3 runs or fewer. With this lineup, it's fucking terrible. Giambi and Damon are always fucking hurt. Abreu is pulling off the ball so much that he's saying "Hi, I blow!" to Torre (who by the way, I would not be against seeing him gone after this year, he's ruining bullpen arms like it's his favorite passtime) in the dugout on every swing. Cano's nickname is "Little Carew", but right now, "Cano" is short for CanothittoLF. ARod after going absolutely nuts in April has completely disappeared. He is still getting on base, but that's far from enough. Jeter, Posada, Melky, and our good friend Douggy Bombs himself have been the only ones hitting this past month. Seriously, I'm sick of too many guys making outs profusely, and when they do reach I'm sick of runners LOB.

I am not looking forward to the subway series this weekend. The Yankees just look absolutely lifeless and those fucking Metrosexual skinhead cocksuckers just keep winning with everything going right for them right now, enabling their fans to jerk off every night while listening to Gary Cohen scream "It's outta here!!!!!" and watching Reyes be "exciting". Yankees, please, don't get swept and look awful while getting swept. At least take 1, with 2 being preferable. I can't ask for a sweep, but I'd sure as hell take it. Mets' fans have all to gain and nothing to lose...again...because they're imbeciles, while Yankees' fans have the opposite...again.

There has to be a disclaimer on Mets contracts

A guy on WFAN yesterday:

“I just wanted to say that the Mets’ 3 and 4 starters John Maine and Oliver Perez are better than anyone in the American League.”

And Timo Perez was like, the greatest, ever. So was Benny Agbayani. So was Dave Mlicki. So was Alex Ochoa. So was Butch Huskey. And the list goes on...Mets’ fans have blown so many of their team’s players you wonder if Mets’ GMs (Minaya, Duquette, Phillips, McIlvaine, Harazin, etc.) put this into the contract:

DISCLAIMER: We are in no way responsible for the fans of this organization salivating on your genitals and thinking that you are better than you really are or that you really are worth the money we paid to sign you.

As far as the claim made by the unemployed, getting-his-GED, still-lives-with-his-mother caller, let’s analyze this, shall we?

John Maine/Oliver Perez (2007):
179 ERA+ and 128 ERA+
1.252 WHIP and 1.119 WHIP
45 K/27 BB in 50 1/3 innings and 43/14 BB in 42 innings

They’ve definitely pitched so much better than any AL pitchers so far:

Danny Haren (2007):
256 ERA+
0.961 WHIP
48 K/14 BB in 60 1/3 innings

Gil Meche (2007):
240 ERA+
1.190 WHIP
47 K/16 BB in 61 1/3 innings

Tim Wakefield (2007):
182 ERA+
1.146 WHIP
30 K/20 BB in 52 1/3 innings

Josh Beckett (2007):
164 ERA+
1.026 WHIP
47 K/12 BB in 50 2/3 innings

Andy Pettitte (2007):
155 ERA+
1.411 WHIP
29 K/20 BB in 50 1/3 innings (OPS of .705 against him, with it being .587 against him with runners in scoring position, and about a 2-to-1 groundball-flyball ratio explains why he has been so effective with a high WHIP, which will probably go down, and a low strikeout total)

James Shields (2007):
141 ERA+
0.895 WHIP
54 K/10 BB in 60 1/3 innings

Johan Santana (2007):
126 ERA+
1.176 WHIP
56 K/15 BB in 51 innings

Maine and Perez have been very good, but they have not pitched exponentially better than the best of the AL.

Another moron…PWN’D.

B.A. Baracus don't like no Wikipedia/Joe Morgan-Red Sox asskissing jibba jabba!

From Wikipedia in their Joe Morgan article:

Morgan has always been a critic of Houston Astros second baseman Craig Biggio. Although Morgan has never publicly admitted as to why he chooses to criticize Biggio, it is blatantly obvious anytime he calls a Houston Astros game. An example of Morgan criticizing Biggio was seen during a 2006 broadcast of ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. The subject of Biggio being a future member of the Hall of Fame came up and Morgan went out of his way to strongly disagree with Biggio being inducted. Many feel that Morgan has always been jealous of Biggio's success at second base and uses his personal dislike for the Houston Astros organization against him. It should be noted that even though Morgan does not approve of Biggio being inducted into the Hall of Fame, Biggio has better statistics in almost all major categories in 19 MLB seasons than Morgan does in 22 MLB seasons.

I agree with pointing out how Morgan is a big dick. But Wikipedia's wording is very deceptive here and mislead you into believing Biggio is better:

Biggio (career): .287 eqA, 411 SB (77% success rate), 114 OPS+
Morgan (career): .311 eqA, 689 SB (81% success rate), 132 OPS+

You don't compare players of different eras by raw numbers, which I will show are barely different, anyway. But comparing raw numbers is like this:

"Hey, daddy, how much money did you make 35 years ago?"
"$6500."
"Wow!!! I'm making about 2/3 of that just this summer alone by flipping burgers! I should just drop out of school, do this, and make more money than you!"
"Mom is right, you are a retard."

And now to those raw stats, if you're looking just at BA (which I don't care about, but just for the hell of it), OBA, and SLG just look at this:

Biggio (career): .283 BA, .366 OBA, .436 SLG
Morgan (career): .271 BA, .392 OBA, .427 SLG

Biggio is 12 pts higher in BA over his career. That difference is so fucking small, it makes Barry Bonds' nuts post-'roids look big. Think of it this way. Let's say you average about 550 at bats per year (about Biggio's AB/season, it's more like 460 for Morgan because he was a walk machine) for 20 years. By hitting .283 versus .271, that yields a difference of 132 hits, which illustrates Biggio's success to get 1 more pop up that drops/ground ball that gets through/bunt single/whatever per month than Morgan. On base, which is soooo much more important that BA, Morgan pwns Biggio like we will regularly pwn morons. And SLG (less important than OBA, but still quite valuable), Biggio is 9 pts higher. Two things, a. this difference is nothing because it basically means Biggio was able to get one more HR or triple per year, b. Biggio is doing this in an era when our grandparents could probably hit 20 HR...drunk...with arthritis...sitting in wheelchairs in the batter's box. So yeah, Wikipedia...by saying that Biggio has marginally better statistics in almost every major category you're implying that he's better, which he is clearly not.

Now that I have said positive things about Morgan, I will now CRUSH him. As a Yankees fan, it gets annoying watching games that he and Miller cover on ESPN...for example:

August 20, 2006 - Yankees vs. Red Sox
Top 8th
Bases Loaded, 1 Out
Giambi vs. Papelbon

Giambi drives a Papelbon pitch about 400 feet to right center for a sac fly, not missing a HR by much and here's what Morgan has to say:

What a great job by Papelbon to keep that ball in on Giambi's hands so he couldn't hit it out of the ballpark.

If memory serves me right, the ball was not as far in as it should have been...hence why Giambi drove it as far as he did to right center. And secondly...just think about what Morgan said:

What a great job by Papelbon...

A pitcher does a great job when he evades surrendering a grand slam by the skin of his teeth, especially when the pitch wasn't good. That's what I want pitchers to do when they're on the mound. I want pitchers to give up lots of 400 foot flyballs. They're the best. Just like Scott Podsednik's brand of unbelievably exhilirating baseball.

About Us

Hello. This blog is all about what you see in the description. We are big time New York sports fans - Yankees, Knicks, Rangers, Giants, Jets - so do not be shocked when you read posts of us expressing our pro-Yankees/Knicks/Rangers/Giants/Jets outlooks or if you read low blows to other teams (Red Sox, Mets, Patriots, etc.). Keep in mind, however, that while we may hate people/teams on personal levels, we are perfectly capable of giving credit where credit is due. We are very much into statistical analysis which is completely devoid of human emotion. We will also utilize stats that are meaningful. For instance, in baseball, you will not see us describing the effectiveness of a pitcher by talking about his team's ability to score 25 runs for him when he gives up 24, leaves with the bases loaded and nobody out in the 6th inning, and the bullpen gets out of it, or his team's deplorable inability to score runs or field a baseball when he goes 9 IP, 2 runs (none earned), 17 Ks, 0 walks, 1 hit...or in short, those stats called "Wins" and "Losses" for a pitcher. You will see ERA+, WHIP, K/9 IP, K/BB ratio, etc. Also, in my case, you will not see me use Batting Average which is a moronic stat. To show you how stupid a stat it is, Juan Pierre is a career .302 hitter and this guy generates as much offense with his career 85 OPS+ as Limp Bizkit generated good music with a collection of atrociously written songs which have a sound reminiscent of fat 280 pound drunks puking. Maybe they should switch jobs. Maybe Fred Durst is a better hitter and Juan Pierre is a better songwriter. But, anyway. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the pwnage.

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