Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Not loving it

Shut down by Matt Harrison.

Owned by Marlon Byrd.

How is this team 9 games over .500? They look like the goddamn Mariners.

Derek Jeter, kill yourself.

Bases loaded, one out, 15th inning of World Series Game 7. Your bullpen is empty. You have to win now. Mediocre flyball will win the game with the outfielders playing in. Due up: Captain Clutch

Derek Jeter: Alright, here we go.
(first pitch outside, Ball one)
Derek Jeter: Sweet, maybe he'll walk me in. 1-0 count, baby.
(second pitch high, Ball two)
Derek Jeter: Alright, 2-0. 2-0, bases loaded, one run and they go home, I think I'm going to see a meatball here.
(third pitch comes in, it's a meatball)
Derek Jeter: Ooooo, meatball baby! Hmmm, should I take a real swing and drive the ball in the air to win the game??? Nah, what's the fun in that...let me try and inside out it through the right side of the infield.
(groundball to second base, flips to second for one, back to first, double play)
Derek Jeter: Hmmm, that's the 41st GIDP for me this year if you include the playoffs. Maybe I should try hitting differently...nah. It's just been 2 years worth of bad luck.

Derek Jeter refuses to ever put a good swing on a ball, especially in hitter's counts. Derek, home runs are good. They help the team. So do doubles over the outfielders' heads. Can you ever, like, try that approach instead? You know, the "not suck and make 2 outs every time I swing" approach?

Derek Jeter: Nah, you know what my struggling means? I need to try and slap the ball to right field even more. Whenever a right handed hitter is struggling, the answer always is...slap it to right field, hit a lot of ground balls, and don't keep your weight back.

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