Tim Raines: Hall of Famer?

Reading a series of e-mails between Jayson Stark and Peter Gammons is not exactly my idea of fun on a Sunday night, but I got about 3 more months before all the fun starts again. So I'm forced to grab at straws.

You can read the whole thing here, but here's the long and short of the e-mails traded back and forth between the two. Odd numbered e-mails are from Stark to Gammons and even numbered e-mails are vice versa.

E-mail #1:
I initially was not sure about Tim Raines' HOF candidacy, but the more I reviewed his case, the more I became convinced he belonged.

E-mail #2:
I have a problem with Tim Raines because a bunch of people who call themselves experts never voted him higher than 5th in MVP voting. He never led the league in anything. He doesn't have a big dick like beautiful, rugged, godlike, amazing Jim Rice. He's like Bert Blyleven. He just doesn't give me orgasms.

E-mail #3:
Um, ok. But I don't think MVP voting should be that important. And no he didn't lead the league, but he did finish in the top 5 a lot. That means something.

E-mail #4:
Well, ok. He was a really good player. But he wasn't as good as Koufax over that short period of time. And he certainly has nothing on my hot loverboy hero Jimmy Ricecakes.

E-mail #5:
If Raines weren't fucked by collusion and labor strife, he would have gotten a good deal closer to 3,000 hits. If he were at about 3,000 hits for his career, we wouldn't be having this debate. You know he reached base more times in his career than Tony Gwynn? They had identical OBPs.

E-mail #6:
Ok, you got me. I'm gay for Rice but not for Raines. Raines probably deserves to be in, I'll give you that. He gets my, Peter Gammons' vote, but he still doesn't get my dick's vote.

E-mail #7:
Your dick has a vote?

E-mail #8:
Why do you think Jim Rice keeps getting votes every year? My dick votes like other Red Sox fans vote for Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon to represent the Sox at the ASG.

E-mail #9:
Well I guess that explains your wife's unhappiness and her need for male escorts.

By the way, those last 3 e-mails are not made up. You may think I'm just over-the-top and that I'm kidding. I'm not. That's exactly what Gammons wants you to think...

Seriously though, Raines is a borderline Hall of Famer. Jim Rice is NOT a borderline Hall of Famer. He was a valuable player, but he shouldn't even merit discussion because he simply wasn't good enough. Looking at his numbers, the following two things discount Jim Rice immediately:

1. .320/.375/.546 at home, .277/.330/.459 on road
2. Fenway Park was his home park

Those two facts alone should explain his exclusion from the HOF in my opinion.

Raines. Debatable? Yes. But using Jim Rice to explain your reason for excluding Raines? Ok, Peter. Stop drinking that Mirabelli defecation flavored cool-aid and shut up.

OK seriously, Boston fans need to be shot

Red Sox fans are such fucking pieces of shit. They're not Red Sox fans. They're Yankee haters. Their enjoyment of sports is based purely on jealous, vindictive hate. Anyway, this waste of an internet page written by people whose "mothers we wish had had medical plans that included abortion" (words of the great George Carlin), links an article talking about how NEW YORK fans are classy because a Red Sox fan got assaulted in Yonkers after Angels-Red Sox ALDS Game 1. Of course, when you read the article, you find out that the two assailants were from PENNSYLVANIA and that they were only in NY for a construction job. Way to leave out important information you fucking New England smegma-devouring piece of shit.

Oh yeah, and Red Sox fans are certainly ones to talk about being classy. They don't derisively chant the opposing pitcher's name every single fucking time he gets into a jam. They don't start victory riots that kill girls because police had to fire a pellet gun. They don't throw bottles at cops and force the police to arrest almost 40 of them. No, they're classy, classy people. They also are very knowledgeable of the team and the game. They know their shortstop in 2004 was Nomahhhh. And Manny was always on the Red Sox, right? So was Schilling. Kevin Millar still plays first base, right?

And the players are very classy, too. They don't engage in excessive celebration. They don't show up the pitcher. They don't shoot their mouths off like little bitches.

I am willing to bet that most of these bandwagon faggots have no idea who their second baseman was last year. Mark Loretta?! Who the hell is that???!!! And Edgar Renteria?! WHO??!! Orlando Cabrera? Those guys were never Red Sox! Oh yeah, and Jeter swallows!!!! GAY-ROD!!! GAY-ROD!!! Yankees suck! Yankees suck!

That is about as intelligent as you'll see these Sox fans get. And while they like to talk about the Yankees being gay, Pedroia (who jumped into Big Floppy's arms and looked like he was ready to be humped) and Papsmear (who did Irish stepdancing in his fucking underwear on the middle of the baseball field) on the other hand are totally cool and awesome dudes. Let me see if I get this straight. Jeter, who bangs hot women like Jessica Biel and Jordana Brewster, is gay. A-Rod, who's married with a daughter, is gay. But Pedroia who goes for a cockride on David Ortiz after hitting a fence-scraping home run, and Papelbon who does Riverdance in his underwear, skin-tight underwear at that, in the middle of a baseball field, are awesome and amazing. OK, I just wanted to make sure I understand who's gay and why.

I don't think I'll ever be able to express in one post, or hell, in any finite number of posts, my hatred for the Boston Red Sox and their fans. So just expect these to keep coming every time I come across more of these third rate products of broken condoms.

Love for the Red Sox impedes rational thinking

From FJM last night:

It finally happened, you guys!!!

Joe Buck, bottom 6, Red Sox' diminuitive caucasian 2B Dustin Pedroia at the dish:

"He's a lot like David Eckstein -- he makes the most out of what he's got."

Finally. Someone pointed out the superficial/wrong.

Pedroia, in 2007, his 23 year-old rookie year: .317/.380/.442. .292 EqA.
Eckstein, Cherry Picking Best Ever Result in Every Category Throughout his Entire Career: .309/.363/.395. .274 EqA.

Eck's career SLG is .362. His career high in doubles is 26. Pedroia had 39.

But hey. They are both short. And white. So that's something.

Buck's right, KT. Take Dustin Pedroia out of that puke-colored, 5 century old, populated by overly hairy, obnoxious dirtbags who think chanting a player's name like "Rooooo-ger, Rooooo-ger" is funny, take their shoes off to count beyond 10 and can't name anybody other than Ortiz, Ramirez, and Varitek in starting lineup, piece of shit haven for hitters who would suck if they hit on the moon, he IS David Eckstein.

Dustin Pedroia (career):
Home: .334/.391/.482
Away: .265/.335/.365

David Eckstein (career):
Home: .297/.367/.375
Away: .276/.336/.350

There you have it everybody. If you take the unfortunately most probable choice for AL Rookie of the Year out of that ginormous-green-eyesore-ought-to-be-dynamited-piece-of-shit, he is David Eckstein. That's right everyone. Dustin Pedroia is David Eckstein. David Eckstein is Dustin Pedroia. By the way, Pedroia ought to shave that retarded chin goatee. You're like 5'2", 70 pounds soaking wet and look like you're 10. Growing facial hair won't make you look more badass. It will make you look more like a pussy because you're a pussy who's TRYING to look tough. And even more annoying is his swing. It looks like a drunk beer league softball player's swing. That ridiculous load-up followed by the war hack. The only reason it works at all is because of Fenway. I want Fenway to be burned down to the ground, or I want the Red Sox to suck so terribly for the next 100 years that all their bandwagon cumsumers all kill themselves, or I want the Red Sox to keep getting off to hot starts every year, giving their dumbass fans hope, and then collapsing in August/September every year so I can call out the bandwagon fans who will claim they don't care after bragging about AL East standings 15 games into the season.