Typical YES Broadcast

I don't know about you guys, but I can't stand the YES Broadcasts anymore. Michael Kay has an annoying voice, and is an idiot. Singleton overanalyzes. David Cone, John Flaherty, Al Leiter, and Paul O'Neill all sound identical and you have to listen to them talk for a few seconds to figure out who they are. Oh, and don't worry, they'll give you plenty of opportunities for you to identify them. Too many. The scouting reports aren't scouting reports. It's more like a MySpace profile. It sucks.

Well, here's the transcript from Saturday's game, it was just unbearable.

Michael Kay: Well here's Dan Giese to start tonight's game, and you can see his numbers. Now, let's take a look at the scouting report for Dan. Take it away, David.

Screen: Dan Giese expert scouting report which is totally relevent to the substance of his pitches and/or style and no one else could tell you this
-Will he be good today?
-Picker
-Free Ballin'

David Cone: Alright, Michael. Dan Giese! Will he be good today? Well that depends on a lot of things. Does he throw good pitches? Does he have confidence that he can throw good pitches? Picker! That's right. He's a nose picker. That's what keeps him going in life. And of course, "Free Ballin'!" He does not wear a cup. He loves that freedom. That's why he wears a patch of the American Flag on his crotch and plays "I been lookin' for freedom" by David Hasselhoff when he comes in.

Bottom of the first
Michael Kay: Leading off here is Johnny Damon. Now, David, as an amazing former pitcher, how do you go about the first pitch to a guy like Johnny Damon here?
David Cone: Well, Michael, you want to throw a strike to Damon because leadoff walks are killers, but you also don't want to throw him too good a strike because he's a good hitter.
Michael Kay: And there's a strike to Damon, just like you thought! And we see Thompson going to the rosin bag. David, as a former fabulous pitcher, did you like using the rosin bag a lot?
David Cone: Well, Michael, the rosin bag is a great tool. Get that hand dry, get that grip that you need so you can have your command. It's a Godsend.
Michael Kay: And Johnny Damon breaks his bat again, but gets a nice bloop single! David, as a former superb right hander, didn't it really bother you when you broke a hitter's bat and still gave up a hit?
Random person walking past booth: No, pitchers love when weakly hit balls fall for hits. Shut up, you fatass.
David Cone: Oh it killed me, Michael. As a pitcher, you're really in the game. You just made your pitch. You executed real well, and it winds up looking like a line drive in the box score. It's certainly frustrating.
Michael Kay: Now, another thing. Johnny Damon used to be on the Royals. You were a Royals' fan growing up. Didn't that Chris Chambliss home run ruin your childhood?
David Cone: Oh indeed it did, Michael. That was a great Royals team, I still can't believe that ball went over the fence.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back (on phone with Douggy Bombs): That's another drink, Douggy. Michael Kay just brought up the Chambliss HR to Cone, again.
Douggy Bombs: Hehe, good.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Are you sure you want to keep drinking? We're only in the first inning. And you're facing Randy Johnson tonight.
Douggy Bombs: You just answered your own question.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Yeah, true. He's a dick and he sucks. Drinking can only help matters.

That's basically what YES Broadcasts are like...ALL GAME. They never shut up. It's infuriating. Gary Cohen's a Met weenie, but honestly, watching SNY Broadcasts is more tolerable to me.