Fuck Fenway Park

Fenway Park is a piece of shit

As if this wasn't already known. But let's take a look at it from a statistical point of view.

The Yankees, this year, hit 46% ground balls, 19% line drives, struck out 15% of the time, walked 9% of the time, and hit fly balls 10% of the time.

The Red Sox, this year, hit 42% ground balls, 18% line drives, struck out 16% of the time, walked 11% of the time, and hit fly balls 12% of the time. Considering the Yankees hit liners or grounders 5% more of the time, they should have a somewhat higher BA/BIP. But.......

Red Sox BA/BIP
.315

Yankees BA/BIP
.318

What can this be attributed to?

*drumroll*

That irregularly shaped, dilapidated, pile of green shit. Come hit at Fenway Park! Make friends with the Green Monster, which has been sprayed with the semen of mediocre hitters since 1912!

On the road, Yankees' BA/BIP was .341 approximately. The Red Sox had a BA/BIP of .325. So basically the difference was made up big time at Fenway. With that in mind, let's have a quick talk with free agent Mike Lowell.

B.A. Baracus: So Mike, you're a free agent. What do you think your value is?
Mike Lowell: Well, B.A. I'm an amazing hitter as I've told Joe Morgan. I hit .324 and I drove in 120 runs. It's all because I'm amazing. Whatever A-Rod gets, I should get at least 80-90% of that contract since I hit for a higher batting average and I drove in about 80% of the runs.
B.A. Baracus: That's pretty funny. Almost as funny as your 97 pt difference between home and away batting average.
Mike Lowell: SHHHH!!!!!! Not so loud! GMs like Kenny Williams wouldn't know that! He'd be too stupid to look that up. He'd see "World Series MVP". "120 RBI". "Age 34", which apparently would be attractive to him. I would miss the Green Monster, but who cares. I just needed him for one year. I love the Green Monster. I do, but for $20 million, I'll go play increasingly poor defense, make Joe Crede look like Mike Schmidt, stuff Uno's Deep Dish down my throat every night and take Ozzie Guillen calling me a "fatass faggot" everyday for all I care. I got what I wanted out of the Monster. On road trips to Boston I'll show him my gratitude.
B.A. Baracus: You don't think the Monster will feel used? He gave you a .373 home BA this year, a .993 home OPS, 13 of your 21 home runs and you're just going to go for the dollar signs?
Mike Lowell: You know how much the Monster gets? He could care less. This year it was me. Next year it can be Bobby Kielty for all Greeny, hehe I call him Greeny, cares. Monster just wants dick. It's been catching on.
B.A. Baracus: Apparently. You guys just get gayer by the minute.
Mike Lowell: And we're damn proud. Next year if the Sox win, Papelbon's going to do his gay Riverdance routine with just a red sock on. Red Hot Chili Peppers style.
B.A. Baracus: You guys have reached the bottom of the gay sewer underneath steaming piles of shit...and yet you continue to dig deeper.

As Douggy Bombs said, everything associated with the Boston Red Sox is gay and stupid.