Pwnage of Morons

BBWAA: Dustin Pedroia's not the MVP, we just like the idea of him winning

2008-11-30T18:35:00.000-08:00

That's exactly what why he won. The real MVP was Joe Mauer.

Dustin Pedroia
.326/.376/.493
26 win shares

And a lot of his power is fake considering he hits in a ballpark that has a 1.589 doubles factor, the highest by quite a lot (For more on park factors, read here). It also has the fifth highest runs factor in baseball, and second in the AL.

As far as the real MVP goes...

Joe Mauer
.328/.413/.451
31 win shares

A very good catcher put up these numbers in a ballpark with the third lowest runs factor in baseball as well as the worst in the AL.

There's no contest. Fuck the BBWAA.

And just for shits and giggles,

Let's take away half of Petunia's Fenway doubles, and I'll even be nice and assume that those lost doubles were still hits...

.467 SLG

And if you make 2/3 of those lost doubles flyouts, which they probably all were...

.458 SLG

God I hate Fenway Park and the weenies who make a living off it...

Mike Francesa: 20 years of making a living being an idiot

2008-10-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

On WFAN earlier today while dropping off Hannibal at Mosholu Pkwy, Mike Francesa essentially said:

The Mets have collapsed 2 years in a row, and David Wright has shown that he is tentative. He hasn't shown me that he's capable of being a leader for this team. And don't gimme the bullpen. This team has choked from start to finish.

OK, well, I guess David Wright really has sucked the past two Septembers. It's all his fault.

David Wright
September 2007
.352/.432/.602
20 RBI
0.69 WPA

September 2008
.340/.416/.577
21 RBI
0.71 WPA

Seriously, how does Francesa get away with this garbage? David Wright has added to the Mets' chances to win each September. And overall, if you want to go by clutch, in 2007 David Wright hit .324/.413/.618 in high leverage situations. In 2008, he hit .324/.420/.477.

"Don't gimme the bullpen..."? You don't believe that the bullpen bears the brunt of the responsibility for their collapse? The Mets' bullpen cost the team approximately 1.72 wins in September according to WPA. So, in other words, with a better bullpen, the Mets win about 2 more games and they win the Wild Card! David Wright is the last person to blame for this.

You don't even need WPA or Leverage Index to prove this. The Mets' bullpen had an ERA of 4.25 for the season, good for 23rd in MLB. Their bullpen is horrendous. David Wright isn't. David Wright kicks ass, and hopefully someday he kicks yours, Francesa.

People more deserving of MVP than Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis

2008-10-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of hearing these guys being talked about as MVP candidates. Sure, they both had very good seasons, but I will list 2 players who make better choices.

Joe Mauer
.328 BA (led AL)
.413 OBP (essentially led AL, Milton Bradley's was higher but with many fewer PA)
139 games caught, 4 DH
Threw out 36% of attempted basestealers
4.88 Win Probability Added (led AL)

A catcher who wins a batting title, leads the AL in OBP, throws out 36% of attempted basestealers, and was first in the AL in WPA? I think you have to give it to Mauer. If you take Mauer off the Twins, they score about 43 fewer runs (this is, of course, assuming they have an AVERAGE catcher replace him), which means the Twins would definitely not get to the one game playoff without him. Youkilis had about the same number of BRAA but he plays first base, a much easier and offensive position and his WPA is about 2.5 lower. This is without even considering the luck with which Youkilis hit this year. Youkilis was 12th in the AL with 29 HR, but was 96th in standard distance per home run. To hit that many HR while hitting the ball that weakly, that's some serious good fortune right there.

Grady Sizemore
.876 OPS (first among AL centerfielders, Hamilton's was higher but he only played 111 games in center)
38-5 in steal attempts
.909 ZR (4th in AL, but just .008 away from 2nd with 360 more innings played)
3.48 WPA

He probably shouldn't get it, but the numbers he put up this year are pretty impressive. He was worth about 45 BRAA (higher than both Youkilis and Pedroia), add in his plus defense at a tough defensive position, his high WPA, and you got yourself a serious honorable mention.

Even though I hate both Pedroia, and Youkilis, I will give them credit. They both had excellent seasons. I don't think that either of them are truly this good, but whether they are or not shouldn't matter for this one season. They still are not the most deserving candidates.

Yayyyyyyy

2008-09-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

Not that last night matters at all, but it's nice to see a guy with legitimate MLB starter stuff pitch instead of Rasner. As I said, I like Rasner, but not in the rotation. Aceves, although he only had 2 K, he had 12 groundballs to 8 flyouts, didn't give up a whole lot of hard hit balls, and in his other outings he had struck out more guys. So he has legitimate solid stuff. Nice to see what we can do with this rotation next year.

Bye bye Rasner, Hello Aceves

2008-09-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.

I like Rasner as the spot starter/longman, but I do not like him in the rotation. The more opportunities you give him, the more likely he is to be without his command, which he is 100% reliant upon.

I wish we could see Hughes again, but Aceves ain't too bad.

Alfredo Aceves (2008 minors)
140.2 IP
114 K
27 BB
2.62 ERA
0.98 WHIP

Throws 91-92. Cutter, curveball, occasional slider. I like his stuff.

Congrats, Alfredo.

Sickening

2008-08-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

Does it make anyone else just puke their guts out to see Dustin Pedroia with a .325 BA and an .862 OPS? Interesting numbers to look at here...

Dustin Pedroia's 2008 Hit Location
Pulled: 175 AB - .457 BA/.794 SLG
Up Middle: 267 AB - .288/.382 SLG
Oppo: 64 AB - .328 BA/.422 SLG

Force this piece of shit to hit the ball to center or go oppo on you. This guy clearly loves to open up and rip everything to left field. He has a combined .298 BA and .390 SLG on balls he wasn't able to pull. DON'T LET THIS LITTLE DIPSHIT PULL THE BALL.

And Robbie...come on. What are you doing leaving the ballpark early to avoid answering questions about the botched DP attempt? Everyone thinks that it's nonchalance, but Cano's style is very smooth so when he screws up it looks nonchalant. Jeter, A-Rod, and Girardi all backed you up in their interviews saying the same things. Why the hell did you run? Once again, just as it looks like he might be heating up and ready to play well the rest of the season, something goes wrong and then to top it off he runs away like a pussy instead of standing there to take the heat like a man. I hope he left for some other reason, but I doubt it. Girardi and Jeter ought to sit him down before tomorrow's game and set him straight.

In other news, Hughes had a good outing the other day, getting back on track in Scranton. 6.1 IP, just 2 ER and 7 K. Back to hitting 93-94 mph on the gun again. I hope we get to see him again before this season's over. At this point, he's not going to learn anything new by pitching at AAA. Bring him up now and let him work on stuff up here. The Yankees aren't going anywhere. Maybe, since Joba will be reactivated soon, have Hughes start a game with an 85 pitch count or something (which hopefully gets him through 5 innings), then have Joba come in to finish the game and go 4 innings.

Done

2008-08-28T07:51:00.001-07:00

It's not even worth bitching about how this season sucks anymore. It's not worth putting up numbers and hoping that the law of averages will even everything out (BA w/RISP, Cano's absurdly low BA on line drives, Pettitte's xFIP). It's over. Forget it. Just hope and pray that those cunts don't win another World Series. Posts from now on will be more about the kids in the minors, acquisitions the Yankees should or should not make, etc. 2008 is a lost season, just have to accept it. You can't make the playoffs EVERY year. Look at the cunts. They didn't make it in 2006 and they looked TERRIBLE during and after that 5 game sweep. Look what happened the next year. Just hope and pray that the Rays or Angels can knock them off should they reach the playoffs or that the Twins (even though I don't like them aside from Morneau and Mauer) manage to steal the Wild Card and keep the Red Sox out of the playoffs.

Fucking Fuckity Fuck Fuck FUCK

2008-08-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's times like these I wish I wasn't a baseball fan, let alone a Yankees fan. Johnny Damon drops 2 routine flyballs, one of which loses the game. What in the name of hell is going on? It's just one freak/sloppy/pathetic loss after another and it's really really fucking annoying.

Even Jose Molina has a .711 batting average on line drives. Derek Jeter? .726. Cano? .611. Fucking dammit. If he had normal luck, he'd have 14 more hits and about 3 more doubles just going by career norms on line drives, which would put him at .295/.331/.433. Anecdotally though, I've seen him robbed of about 6 or 7 doubles (because some of them have been deep/well-hit flyballs on which guys have made absurd catches on and some have been rocket grounders down the lines that have also had great plays made on them) which would put him at something more like .302/.337/.447 for the season.

Kevin Youkilis sucks. The fact that he has a .320/.388/.579 line for the season is a fucking joke. Suddenly at age 29 he goes from being a decent hitter to a monster? Bullshit. You know what his numbers would be if he didn't have hurricanes or massive humidity helping his flyballs out of the park?

.295/.366/.478 with 13 HR

Where do I get those numbers you might ask? Here:

08/19/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Cabrera, Daniel BAL 5 Oriole Park ... PL 425 111.8 34.2 102.6 109 -8 5 0 428 30
08/17/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Marcum, Shaun TOR 4 Fenway Park JE/L 416 103.5 31.5 84.3 84 29 3 0 383 0
08/12/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Rupe, Josh TEX 5 Fenway Park ND 436 111.9 32.2 96.9 98 10 -1 0 427 29
08/12/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Francisco, Frank TEX 8 Fenway Park ND 398 108.0 29.9 120.1 81 3 -1 0 396 30
08/02/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS DiNardo, Lenny OAK 8 Fenway Park PL 375 104.4 29.1 125.6 73 1 0 0 374 30
08/02/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Eveland, Dana OAK 1 Fenway Park JE 349 96.3 36.1 124.7 90 5 -1 1 345 16
07/29/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Lackey, John LAA 9 Fenway Park ND 371 101.6 35.8 127.6 98 -1 3 0 369 30
07/19/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Saunders, Joe LAA 2 Angels Stadi... JE/L 417 104.7 33.8 94.5 96 21 2 1 392 1
07/18/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Lackey, John LAA 2 Angels Stadi... ND 412 106.7 36.1 126.0 107 15 2 1 394 30
07/12/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Liz, Radhames BAL 3 Fenway Park PL/L 390 96.9 38.8 109.4 104 38 2 0 351 0
07/09/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Reyes, Dennys MIN 8 Fenway Park ND 407 101.0 42.7 107.4 129 40 6 0 362 2
06/22/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Parisi, Mike STL 13 Fenway Park PL 384 102.1 41.7 105.9 127 10 2 0 371 10
06/22/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Pineiro, Joel STL 7 Fenway Park JE/L 343 96.2 51.6 119.1 151 48 1 0 294 0
06/14/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Lincoln, Mike CIN 10 Great Americ... PL 408 105.0 36.4 79.3 109 5 6 4 394 14
06/12/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Sarfate, Dennis BAL 7 Fenway Park PL 359 99.2 37.6 119.4 102 -2 1 1 360 16
05/18/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Torres, Salomon MIL 7 Fenway Park JE/L 362 94.1 34.2 126.8 79 30 -2 0 333 3
05/10/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Perkins, Glen MIN 2 Metrodome PL 383 106.0 27.6 121.7 69 0 0 5 377 30
05/08/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Verlander, Justin DET 5 Comerica Par... JE 362 107.2 42.8 118.6 139 -22 -6 5 386 30
05/07/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Galarraga, Armando DET 6 Comerica Par... JE/L 361 97.0 30.5 118.4 71 16 -2 3 344 3
05/07/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Galarraga, Armando DET 4 Comerica Par... ND 405 106.2 37.7 119.6 114 11 -3 4 393 30
05/05/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Bonderman, Jeremy DET 4 Comerica Par... PL 390 100.7 38.5 121.2 108 22 0 4 365 29
05/04/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Wheeler, Dan TB 7 Fenway Park JE 416 114.4 31.8 89.4 99 -15 -9 0 440 29
04/22/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Weaver, Jered LAA 5 Fenway Park JE 368 104.4 32.6 113.2 89 -14 -3 1 386 29
04/14/08 Video View Youkilis, Kevin BOS Betancourt, Rafael CLE 8 Jacobs Field PL 352 97.0 43.0 124.2 118 20 -10 4 338 7

The last 2 numbers are the distance the ball should have gone in normal atmospheric conditions and the number of parks in which the ball would have been a home run around MLB. And as you can see, about 11 of his 24 home runs were helped massively by the weather conditions. That 294 foot flyball that turned into a 343 foot home run is really laughable. So, subtract 11 hits, 11 home runs, from his totals, and there you have it. He's having just about the kind of season you can expect out of him. The lucky homers he's hit this year make all the difference in BA/OBP/SLG. His averages on grounders and liners are normal (.256 and .750 respectively). They are right around where they should be. It's all due to the bullshit home runs. He's such a prick, why does he get to have all the luck on his side? Matsuzaka as far as I know is not a prick, he just sucks and doesn't deserve to have 15 wins and a sub-3.00 ERA because of how terrible his peripherals are.

Ugh, I'm done. I needed to vent, and now I'm just too fucking sick of going over how things keep going wrong. Pricks/players I don't like all getting lucky and having phenomenal seasons and players/teams I do like all sucking. MLB 2008. Welcome to hell if you're a true baseball fan. MLB 2009 better be less full of bullshit so things even out. Hughes, Joba, and IPK are all healthy and pitching the way they're capable of. Cano hits .340 with a .960 OPS. Youkilis has the worst weather conditions ever in every game which causes him to hit .260 with a .710 OPS, changing those "YOOOUUUUUUK!!!!!!!" cheers to "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!". Matsuzaka gets absolutely shelled and knocked out of games by the 3rd inning every start for the first 3 months next year to the tune of a 7.83 ERA.

Now THAT would be nice.

What I want to do right now...

2008-08-19T18:41:00.001-07:00

The baseball gods, the hideous AJ Burnett, Daisuke Matsuzaka (who once again got away with putting 11 men on base in 5 innings), that little fucking piece of shit Marco Scutaro (who joined in with the baseball gods to rob Cano of another double), and everybody I hate (which just about includes everyone on the planet) are in the line of fire...

Die you motherfuckers.

(I'm not an angry person...)

Unfortunately the baseball gods didn't die in that nuclear blast...

2008-08-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

As I've already written, the Yankees season has been insanely frustrating. Underperformance, bad luck, injuries, etc. Nothing going their way. On the other hand, Daisuke Matsuzaka once again gets away with murder. His line from last night:

7 IP
5:5 K/BB
6 H
0 ER

HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? HIS STUFF FUCKING SUCKS. He walks the ballpark and doesn't strike out that many people to go along with it. He allows a lot of fly balls, too. He pitches in Fenway Park. How on earth does he have a 1998-2003 Pedro Martinez-like ERA? Pedro was legitimately unhittable. He struck out like 20/9 IP and never walked anybody. Matsuzaka SUCKS. If he had enough innings to qualify, he would have the 5th worst xFIP in the AL, right nearby his knuckleball-throwing buddy. Seriously, why are those 2 guys getting away with not being very good? Baseball gods, can you please explain to me why just about everything has to go right for the Red Sox but everything has to go wrong for the Yankees? Can you? And don't give me David Ortiz and his wrist. Blowell, Pukelis, and Petunia all hit way over their heads while he was out or sucking. And Manny wasn't too shabby either before they traded him. Fuck Youkilis. Hitting .322 with a .963 OPS. Are you kidding? Since when did he become mid-80s Don Mattingly? And also...why are you pricks making my favorite player hit .260 and OPS under .700? I wouldn't care if it was Pat Kelly doing what Cano is doing right now. It's the expectation of .300+, .840+ OPS, .850 ZR and he is underperforming in all aspects right now. For the longest time he wasn't letting his offensive struggles bother his defense, now it is.

As Yankees fans we're spoiled, yes. But this is not about feeling entitled to make the playoffs or win the World Series every year. This is about players who should be good all either underperforming or getting hurt and players who suck playing way over their heads. Of course, that happens in every year. But it's the number of players it's happening to. If you look at last year, nobody was DRASTICALLY under their xFIP. And most people who were under it by a close to a run had some other factor in there contributing to it. Carmona was about a run below, but he had a psycho GB% (and even then, it was 3.99 xFIP to 3.06 ERA, he was still good regardless). Shit like that. Brian Bannister was the only one who appeared to get really lucky (3.87 ERA vs. 5.14 xFIP) and guess what, his ERA is 5.36 this year. It caught up to him. This year, Matsuzaka, Saunders, Jackson, Wakefield, Duchscherer, and to some extent Garza are all WAY overperforming.

I wish I could believe that things will even out, but it's been a couple months and things still haven't evened out. Oh well, I guess I'll get through today's work and then go watch the Yankees strand 20 runners tonight. Who knows, maybe the law of averages will overtake Murphy's Law. That would be nice.

Ambivalence

2008-08-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Hard to say how I feel about yesterday. Mussina pitched great, again. Mariano blows his first save of the year, although it didn't really feel like it was his first blown game of the year. He's been off the charts awesome this year, but that sucked...badly. And Girardi, stop overusing Damaso Marte. He's good but I personally don't think he's better than Veras or Edwar.

If I have to listen to Suzyn Waldman and John Sterling babble incessantly about the importance of "ABC" ball I will kill someone. Yesterday, the Twins pick up 2 cheap runs on a single, a bloop double and 2 sac flies. Next thing you hear is, "That's how they do it! They play ABC ball so well! The Yankees don't do that. That's why they're struggling so much and leaving so many men on base."

Now, I'm furious with the Yankees and their inability to ever get runners home. And have expressed it rather irrationally before. However, while it's partially their fault, a LOT of it is due to bad luck. Hitting w/RISP better than how you hit overall is not a repeatable skill. Just take a look:

NYY team batting

2002
w/RISP: .289/.385/.478, 60 HR
overall: .275/.354/.455, 223 HR
Better

2003
w/RISP: .263/.364/.430, 54 HR
overall: .271/.356/.453, 230 HR
Worse

2004
w/RISP: .272/.369/.454, 55 HR
overall: .268/.353/.458, 242 HR
Same

2005
w/RISP: .272/.360/.458, 67 HR
overall: .276/.355/.450, 229 HR
Same

2006
w/RISP: .286/.386/.479, 67 HR
overall: .285/.363/.461, 210 HR
Better

2007
w/RISP: .293/.378/.451, 49 HR
overall: .290/.366/.463, 201 HR
Same

2008
w/RISP: .259/.348/.382, 22 HR
overall: .272/.344/.425, 125 HR
A lot worse

As far as all of MLB goes:

2007
w/RISP: .272/.357/.423
overall: .268/.336/.423

2008
w/RISP: .265/.354/.411
overall: .263/.332/.414

You basically hit the same with runners on as you do with nobody on. OBP is always higher with RISP but that is not a function of offensive ability. In MLB this year, there have been 925 IBBs handed out w/RISP and 1 with nobody on. There's the difference. But batting and slugging averages are virtually the same all over the league w/RISP and overall. The Yankees, while definitely struggling, have also been really unlucky this year. However...

MIN team batting
w/RISP: .313/.387/.461, 23 HR
overall: .276/.335/.408, 84 HR

Yeah, their success is all due to "ABC" ball. It has nothing to do with the fact that they've been extremely lucky and are hitting way over their heads with RISP. John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman aren't very good at broadcasting, and probably aren't good at anything. Except maybe this...

Speaking of that...

LAA team batting (2008)
w/RISP: .293/.371/.441, 28 HR
overall: .266/.328/.409, 116 HR

as opposed to 2007

w/RISP: .284/.355/.397, 24 HR
overall: .284/.345/.417, 123 HR

Annnnnnd...

Joe Saunders
IP: 152.2
ERA: 3.07

and yet...

xFIP: 4.70
BABIP: .248
K/9 IP: 4.48
GB/FB: 1.25

The Angels have already won 9 more games than their run differential would indicate they should have. Add in the fact that they've also been very lucky w/RISP and that Joe Saunders who fucking sucks is pitching like he's an ace (seriously, he and Matsuzaka are the biggest jokes ever this year) and you have a largely unimpressive team. They have the lowest line drive percentage of any team in the AL as well. As I said the other day, I HATE watching Angels' games. It's the like the seeing-eye single and bloop double derby.

Seriously, God hates the Yankees. Not only have they not hit w/RISP, but:

Chien-Ming Wang: tears tendon in foot RUNNING THE BASES, gone for season
Phil Hughes: fractured rib, gone for most of season
Joba Chamberlain: begins emerging as dominant starter and then...shoulder tendinitis
Alex Rodriguez: hurt for a few weeks, and after last year's unbelievable, off-the-charts performance with runners on base and in close & late situations, he can't do anything in them this year (though he homered last night, which was pretty sick)
Jorge Posada: hurt for most of season and failed to outdo my 65 year old father on the radar gun
Hideki Matsui: hurt for a lot of season, had been one of best hitters, especially with runners on (who cares if it's luck, at this point I'd rather be lucky than good)
Johnny Damon: hurt for a while, had also been one of best hitters, league leading hitter going into today, of course it had to happen on a Kevin Pukelis flyball. Man do I loathe that guy...
Robinson Cano: PrBA and PrOPS virtually same this year versus last year (.296/.764 vs. .283/.770) but hitting .264 with .698 OPS versus last year's .306 with .841 OPS. Granted, he hasn't been knocking the cover off the ball for the whole season. He was hitting like a girl for the better part of the first half, but over the last month or two he's been vicitmized by a lot of at-him balls and I wonder if this is starting to get into his head. His defense is faltering and he's been making some bonehead plays. He might just need a day or two on the bench.
Andy Pettitte: better K/9 IP and BB/9 IP than last year, same LD%, higher GB% yet just 13 GIDPs in 156.1 IP versus 34 in 215.1 IP last year and a higher ERA than last year

NOTE #1: I didn't include Jeter in there because he has legitimately been sucking and it's mostly his fault. Even if he is hurt, he should take a few days off and let Betemit play short. Betemit is a middle infielder and, unlike Jeter, is a threat to hit it out of the ballpark, so you don't lose much offensively.

There's still time, but anecdotally and statistically, very little has gone the Yankees' way this year. And yet they are STILL in the Wild Card race, somehow. Come on, God. Seriously, can you at least let the Yankees have NORMAL LUCK?! They haven't been hitting all that well to start with (just look at the offensive drop from last year, BA around .270, OPS well under .800), but you're going to also make sure all of their hits come with nobody on base?! That's just cruel and unusual punishment.

NOTE #2: I am not blaming the Yankees's season solely on luck, I am just saying that it certainly hasn't been on their side to go along with their mediocrity. It's infuriating, but I don't think you can berate the team for not hitting with runners on when there is no conclusive evidence to show that "clutch" hitting is an ability. And when you are a hitter like Cano, you're bound to have a year like this because you're very much a "feel" hitter (a lot of moving parts, don't walk much, make a lot of contact) and your value is so tied up in BA. He'll probably finish around .280 with .750 OPS this year, but he'll hit .340 with .920 OPS another year. His true talent probably lies somewhere around .310/.850 like last year. And injuries happen to everybody, no doubt. As a GM, you need to be prepared for that. But there's NO way the Yankees haven't been unlucky when it comes to health this year. Wang rounding the bases? Damon crashing into the wall? Hughes a cracked rib? Give me a break.

I hate this baseball season.

Awful

2008-08-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

Joe Girardi: Hmmmm, here's the pitcher we're facing tonight. He's left-handed. Hitters have a .302/.345/.466 line off this guy. And lefties hit like .360 with an .800+ OPS off him. What should I do?

(thinks with that great engineer mind of his)

Joe Girardi: Sit two of our best hitters (Damon, Giambi) for two of our worst hitters (Christian, Sexson). And I'll bat one of those worst hitters leadoff.

OK, I can maybe understand sitting Damon because of the turf and the shoulder. You want to keep him fresh. But WHY, GIRARDI?! WHY?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SIT JASON GIAMBI AGAINST LEFTIES, ESPECIALLY LEFTIES HE WOULD EAT FOR LUNCH?!

Jason Giambi (2008 vs. lefties)
.247/.402/.517

And for those of you who want to claim it's an aberration...

Jason Giambi (career vs. lefties)
.270/.385/.473

JASON GIAMBI CAN HIT LEFTIES!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SIT HIM AGAINST LEFTIES? ESPECIALLY A LEFTY LIKE PERKINS?!

Jason Giambi vs.
Mark Buehrle: .368/.500/.789
Nate Robertson: .538/.563/.846
Brian Burres: .500/.500/1.000
Casey Fossum: .419/.514/.581

See a pattern here? Lefthanders, particularly those who rely on guile and control, do not bother Giambi. If anything, he LOVES facing them. Jason Giambi crushes finesse pitchers regardless of whether or not they throw with their right or left arms. Why is it so hard for Joe Girardi to grasp this?

Derek Jeter is worthless at the plate, and if it weren't for his defensive resurgence he'd be completely useless. He tried to prove me wrong with those last couple games in Texas, but he's not breaking out of the funk he's been in practically the whole year. It's just not going to happen. His approach sucks and his pop is gone. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for players like Jeter to lose it around this age. I'm hoping that it's just a bad season and that he bounces back next year.

Sexson's numbers off lefties this year are likely just fluky. He sucks. If you want to get him in there against lefties, fine. Just stop putting him in at the expense of Giambi's .910 OPS.

Robinson Cano needs to have more nights like he did last night. 13 pitches in his 3 plate appearances. Bad luck aside, this year he's made too much contact with pitches out of the strike zone. Even though he's swinging outside the strike zone less frequently than last year (28% vs. 34%) he's making a lot more contact with those pitches (80% vs. 69%). A guy who hits like he does with a lot of moving parts and is very much reliant on feel, when off, needs to just take more pitches and make pitchers come to him.

Melky Cabrera is a much better player than this. But he fell in love with his HR stroke after his great stretch to begin the season. Melky, you are not a home run hitter. Shorten up your swing and hit through the ball, not under it. Last year, he had that 90 game stretch in which he hit .325 with an .846 OPS IIRC. When he hits the way he should, he's a groundball-line drive type hitter who every now and then gets under one of those liners and gets enough on it for it to get out of the ballpark. I still think he's capable of hitting .290-.300 with 15 homers, maybe 20 in a good year, and put up a good .360-.370 OBP, but he's not going to do that if he keeps his current approach at the plate.

Ugh, this team is not as bad as they've played. Come on, stop underachieving dammit...

I agree

2008-08-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

It's not even worth going through all the bullshit of this weekend series against those fucking pains in the asses. At least not right now when I'm furious. A-Rod trying to steal third. Whatever the hell Cano was thinking when Figgins hit that groundball (seriously, what the hell has been up with his defense the last 2 weeks? And of course he flew out to the track today AGAIN, as once again NOTHING will go right). Girardi not having Mariano START the 9th, instead bringing him in to face that little fucking rodent with 2 men on. Ugghhh. And of course having to watch all of it on FAMILY DAY!!!!!!!! The Daddy Show as I like to call it.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

What should happen to the baseball gods that keep screwing Robinson Cano out of hits

2008-08-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what the hell is up with this crap? Cano lines out like 10 times every fucking week. If he had NORMAL luck he'd be hitting like .290 right now. Chone Figgins's groundballs always find a fucking hole in the infield but Cano hits line drives up the middle that always manage to get knocked down and deflect right to the second baseman or shortstop.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not loving it

2008-08-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

Shut down by Matt Harrison.

Owned by Marlon Byrd.

How is this team 9 games over .500? They look like the goddamn Mariners.

Derek Jeter, kill yourself.

Bases loaded, one out, 15th inning of World Series Game 7. Your bullpen is empty. You have to win now. Mediocre flyball will win the game with the outfielders playing in. Due up: Captain Clutch

Derek Jeter: Alright, here we go.
(first pitch outside, Ball one)
Derek Jeter: Sweet, maybe he'll walk me in. 1-0 count, baby.
(second pitch high, Ball two)
Derek Jeter: Alright, 2-0. 2-0, bases loaded, one run and they go home, I think I'm going to see a meatball here.
(third pitch comes in, it's a meatball)
Derek Jeter: Ooooo, meatball baby! Hmmm, should I take a real swing and drive the ball in the air to win the game??? Nah, what's the fun in that...let me try and inside out it through the right side of the infield.
(groundball to second base, flips to second for one, back to first, double play)
Derek Jeter: Hmmm, that's the 41st GIDP for me this year if you include the playoffs. Maybe I should try hitting differently...nah. It's just been 2 years worth of bad luck.

Derek Jeter refuses to ever put a good swing on a ball, especially in hitter's counts. Derek, home runs are good. They help the team. So do doubles over the outfielders' heads. Can you ever, like, try that approach instead? You know, the "not suck and make 2 outs every time I swing" approach?

Derek Jeter: Nah, you know what my struggling means? I need to try and slap the ball to right field even more. Whenever a right handed hitter is struggling, the answer always is...slap it to right field, hit a lot of ground balls, and don't keep your weight back.

Loving it

2008-08-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

Josh Beckett

132.1 IP

4.15 ERA (107 ERA+)

16 HR allowed (1 fewer than last year in 68.1 fewer IP)

I love when I'm right.

Why Derek Jeter will probably not break out of this slump

2008-07-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

You keep reading everywhere, even on here recently, about how the Yankees are going to have a good second half offensively because guys like Jeter, Cano, and Cabrera are likely to improve. Well, Melky combined with bad luck and a bad approach is not improving, which is frustrating as hell. He's capable of being a lot better than this. Cano, aside from those 2 at bats against lefties getting owned on LOOGY crap, has improved. Regardless of whether he gets hits or not (3 for his last 17), he's hitting the ball hard a couple times each night (20.2% LD) and has flown out to the track in death valley or center a couple times in those 17 at bats. Jeter's performance, on the other hand, is just absolutely depressing. First, I will describe how bad he looks to the naked eye, then I will back up my observations with the relevent metrics.

Jeter is hitting like he's Placido Polanco. Poke it, inside out it, slap it, drag the wrists, hit nothing hard, instead of driving the shit out of 2-0 count meatballs, you try to take them right back up the middle and end up grounding into a double play most of the time with the occasional RBI single. He needs to watch video of himself from 1998-1999. He didn't used to poke at everything. He took real swings, kept his weight back and it still yielded a .320+ average but with much more power. He's always been a groundball/line drive type hitter but when he hit the ball in the air, it was usually hit pretty well and a lot of them would go out. Now, not so much. Balls off the bat that look good just die because of his failure to get all of his weight behind each swing. His approach this year and even in 2006 is definitely different from what it used to be. You didn't mind the past 2 seasons because in 2006 he was the true AL MVP and last year he hit .322 with an .840 OPS. Now it's just not acceptable. And particularly this year, he's hitting not to strike out, it seems. Whatever you think you're doing Derek, it's not working.

Derek Jeter LD% (2004-2007)
19.6%, 19.1%, 22.3%, 19.9%
2008
16.6%

Derek Jeter HR/FB % (2004-2007)
12.1%, 16.8%, 14.7%, 9.1%
2008
6.9%

So, as you can see, the statistics back up everything I and probably most people see when watching Derek Jeter hit. He doesn't hit the ball hard --> LD% decrease. Balls that look good off his bat just die --> HR/FB% decrease last year and again this year.

He takes a good hack every now and then giving me hope that he'll start doing it more frequently and then he goes right back to being the GIDP pokemeister. He needs to go back to his 1998-1999 style. Sure, maybe the average drops a little, but even if it did, I'd rather he hit .275 with 20+ HR and as a result, walk more because pitchers won't want to make mistakes to him then hit .285-.290 with a barely .400 SLG.

Baltimore games are a close second in terms of infuriating opponents

2008-07-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Kevin Millar
vs. NYY, 2004-present, discounting sac flies and HBPs, because including them would just lower or boost his OBP a few insignificant points
.324/.401/.566
88 for 272
35 BB
13 2B/1 3B/17 HR

overall, since 2004
.269/.356/.431
600 for 2227
133 2B/2 3B/74 HR
301 BB

That's annoying enough. But, take out his games against the Yankees...

.262/.350/.412
512 for 1955
120 2B/1 3B/57 HR
266 BB

So, against the Yankees, Kevin Millar is basically David Wright without being nearly as likeable and against the rest of the league he's even worse than the bottom-third-in-OPS-by-AL-first-basemen type of hitter that he already is.

Surprisingly, Brian Roberts' splits are not nearly as lopsided as I thought they would be. He just had that one insane season in which he OPS'd 1.400 against the Yankees in 2005, so anytime he gets a hit or steals a base, I just can't help but think of that season during which he owned the Yankees. Aside from that aberration, he's been the same player. Maybe he decided to hate the Yankees in 2005 and made a deal with the devil to kill them, but then when the Yankees broke his arm he decided he'd be better not try pissing the Yankees off again.

And oh yeah, this guy...

Ramon Hernandez
overall, career
.262/.326/.423
1001 for 3814
198 2B/6 3B/134 HR
322 BB

vs. NYY
.332/.404/.556
80 for 241
16 2B/1 3B/12 HR
25 BB

I think he's due for a Brian Roberts-esque Yankee Stadium lesson. Maybe A-Rod can knock a few balls into monument park and knock Ramon Hernandez into the upper deck on a play at the plate tonight. And then say, "HA!"

Come on, guys. Get back on a winning streak! AND PLEASE STOP LOSING THE GODDAMN BALTIMORE ORIOLES!!!!!!!

2 out of 3 ain't bad...

2008-07-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

But I was 3 for 3, bitch. What did B.A. tell you?

On Friday, Beckett only gave up that 1 run (I expected him to allow more) but he did allow 10 baserunners in 7 innings, so you could chalk it up to a little bit of luck. Joba on the other hand was just God.

On Saturday, the Yankees were nice enough to give Wakefield's ERA a lift back to his xFIP's neighborhood, like I'd hoped. Robby pwns.

On Sunday, Ponson got knocked around as expected. Lester pitched well, again...but losing last night didn't hurt at all. I saw it as a loss days ago. And this could be a good thing. Might mean Ian Kennedy gets another shot, now.

And now onto other things...

Mike Lupica:

If Mike Pelfrey had an unusual nickname, people might get as excited about the way he's pitching for the Mets as Yankee fans are about Joba.

I heard about this on Saturday, read a few other comments on it by more level-headed people, including the ENOUGH LUPICA! blog, but I figured I'd make mention of this.

Joba Chamberlain:

a. has an ERA+ of 180. He's 80% better than league average.
b. strikes out 10.69/9 IP.
c. throws a fastball that AVERAGES 95.2 mph, touches 98-100, to go along with a nasty slider and a pretty good curve (changeup is rarely thrown).
d. pitches in AL East, probably the best and toughest division in baseball.
e. is 22 years old!!!

Mike Pelfrey:

a. has an ERA+ of 112. He's 12% better than league average in an inferior league.
b. strikes out 5.36/9 IP and doesn't have a ridiculously high GB/FB ratio.
c. throws 93 mph on average.
d. is 24 and has been up and down between the majors and AAA for 2 seasons.

He's been good, especially lately, but come on. Mike Pelfrey in the AL East would probably be league average or worse.

What Mike Lupica SHOULD say is, "Think Joba's incredible in the AL? Imagine how good he would be if he pitched in Mike Pelfrey's slot."

And my GOD...was last night's ESPN broadcast one long makeout session with the Red Sox or what? Even the biggest Red Sox fan couldn't deny that after watching this game.

A deep drive by Jeter to left center (though it wouldn't have been deep anywhere else because most parks don't have 11 and 12 year old tournament league dimensions) that Ellsbury had to jump for (ungracefully) because he misjudged it and they're showing one replay after another. Now, Ellsbury's definitely made some awesome catches and he is a better outfielder than he looked on that play, but we don't need to see 3 replays of an unnecessarily adventurous catch.

Derek Jeter charging in on a weak grounder fields and whips to first in time, while sort of like apples and oranges, was clearly better since Jeter had no other way to play it, and all you hear is a "nice play by Jeter, there..." out of Jon Miller's bacon fat loving mouth under his breath, basically.

And then with the Red Sox already up 5 runs, they pick up two more runs on a sac fly and an RBI single by Big Floppy and Manny "I beat up 70 year old secretaries, I'm so tough" Ramirez respectively and Steve Phillips is praising them with, "You know, this is just great baseball by the Boston Red Sox." I am tempted...VERY tempted...to start a blog dedicated to just disemboweling Steve Phillips and his brilliance. But then again, it would take too much time to cover all the stupid things he says on a daily basis, and besides, is it really a challenge to own Steve Phillips?

ESPN. The Egregious Sox-loving Pricks Network.

Preview of Boston series

2008-07-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

Friday night, Joba Chamberlain vs. Josh Beckett
Prediction: Yankees win

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joba has been awesome, especially his last couple outings.

Joba Chamberlain (2008)
71.1 IP
2.54 ERA (163 ERA+)
1.304 WHIP
84 K/33 BB
3.24 xFIP

Now, going by his xFIP, he might be getting lucky and be due for a correction, but I'm not so sure that's going to happen. Last year AND this year, a strangely low percentage of the flyballs he has allowed have left the ballpark. Last year just 5.0% of his surrendered flyballs went out (screw you, Mike Lowell) and this year just 5.1% of his surrendered flyballs went out. It's just 95.1 IP, so he could be getting lucky because usually pitchers allow closer to 10% of their flyballs to go out, but just by watching him, he doesn't give up a whole lot of deep flyouts, so he could just be an exception. His stuff is hard to zero in on and mash, evidenced anecdotally and statistically by his 13.0% LD allowed and 84 Ks in 71.1 IP. Even if he throws one right down the middle, his average fastball of 95.2 mph is very hard to catch up with especially when you have to be on the lookout for that curve or slider he can drop in for a strike on you. And he's also keeping the ball on the ground effectively this year as 53.7% of balls put in play have been grounders.

Josh Beckett really isn't pitching that much worse this year than last year, it's just that the outcomes are more realistic this year. His newfound control (1.79 BB/9 IP last year in 200.2 IP, 1.88 BB/9 IP this year in 120.0 IP) I am now convinced is not a fluke. Last year I was skeptical, but he's been doing it for the last 320.2 innings so I have to assume that's a new skill he has acquired. He is also striking guys out at virtually the same rate (8.70 K/9 IP last year, 8.48 K/9 IP this year). His batted ball rates are slightly different this year, though, as he's giving up fewer grounders and more line drives this year (47.3% GB/15.8% LD last year and 39.8% GB/21.9% LD this year). So he's clearly more hittable this year than last year, but he's still been good. The biggest difference in my opinion is the FB/HR percentage. Last year a strangely low percentage of Beckett's surrendered flyballs for him went out (8.0%), which I do NOT believe was skill. For his career, he has a 10.4% HR/FB rate and this year it's 11.3%, which is more in line with his career norms.

In his last outing against the Yankees, he got into trouble in the first inning, allowing 3 runs on a 2 run rip double by A-Rod and a sac fly from Giambi. Later in the game, Giambi nearly missed putting up another 2 runs on the board with a bomb but it just hooked foul. Beckett lasted just 6 innings and this was when the Yankees were the WOE. Jeter and Cano are now hot.

I see Cano putting either a Beckett fastball into the monster seats or a hanging curve into the bleachers and Jeter ripping a few doubles to rightcenter tonight. I think the Yankees will win this game. That's B.A. Nostradamus talking.

Saturday night, Andy Pettitte vs. Tim Wakefield
Prediction: Yankees win

I also see the Yankees winning this game. Pettitte wasn't great in his last outing against the Red Sox and he wasn't helped by Jeter's defense or the gods of bloop hits. All of that combines for a bad performance. It is very unlikely to happen again this time, as Pettitte last year seemed to show a trend of good start/bad start vs. the Red Sox, which is kind of how his stuff was last year. This year, his stuff has been very good (3.51 xFIP, 6.77 K/9 IP, 1.29 WHIP) so I doubt that Pettitte's stuff will be absent a second time in a row against the Red Sox.

Wakefield's been pitching way over his head so far this year and I see the Yankees fixing his ERA. His ERA is a fluky 3.69 right now while his xFIP is 4.97. He tends to be under his xFIP but never by 1.28 runs. If his xFIP is 4.97, his ERA should be more like 4.40. xFIP must be lonely because his friend ERA is so far out of town. Maybe the Yankees can do him a solid and bring ERA back to xFIP's neighborhood.

Sunday night, Sidney Ponson vs. Jon Lester
Prediction: Red Sox win

Yikes...

Ponson's been very serviceable and been able to successfully keep the ball on the ground, but with his 8938734.97 WHIP, I am not all that confident that he will be able to hold down the Red Sox lineup especially in Fenway. If he goes 5-6 IP and allows 4-5 runs, I'll be satisfied.

Lester has been much better than I thought he would be. Now, this is the first real full season he's had, so we'll see if he can keep this up. But this does not appear to be a case of luck so far. His xFIP is 4.10, which is certainly a lot higher than his 3.20 ERA, but he has also tended to be a little bit under that every year. So while he's not 3.20 ERA good right now, he's probably 3.80-3.90 good. Hopefully the Yankees don't absolutely suck against him again.

So yeah, these predictions will probably be wrong, but whatever. I predict performance based on relevent stats and observations so I will proudly stick by my picks.

BREAKING NEWS: There is hope for normality in Boston!!!!! (well, not really, but at least normality has some representation)

2008-07-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

I love you, Kevin Cullen.

The Yankees are in town for a weekend series, and this would be a nice time to retire the stupidest chant in the world: Yankees suck.

Boston fan? Wants people to stop saying, "Yankees suck"? Huh?

Now, before you go all Hank Steinbrenner on me, hear me out.

I don't like the Yankees. I never did, though as a kid I liked the way Bobby Murcer played the outfield, and for some odd reason I always wanted Horace Clarke to do well.

But I am a Red Sox fan, have been all my life, and so that means I don't like the Yankees. My two sons don't like the Yankees either.

Fair enough. No problem with that.

But here's the critical difference: I respect the Yankees, and I've taught my sons to do so, too. They are 14 and 11, love baseball, and know that Derek Jeter plays the game as well and as hard as anyone has. If I were picking sides in the schoolyard, Jeter is the guy I'd pick first.

If you watch him in the on-deck circle at Fenway, Jeter turns and talks to the kids. He's one of the few players who seem to comprehend how lucky he is to be playing a game and making millions doing it. He's class, all the way, and he's the Yankees captain, epitomizes them as a team, and the hell with the Boss, this is Jeter's team.

He has to be on drugs. I cannot believe a Red Sox fan is capable of writing this and presenting it as his own. Jack, if you're not busy, this guy might need to be brought into protective CTU custody.

So when you say the Yankees suck, you're saying Derek Jeter sucks, which is preposterous.

Damn right.

But, really, beyond being crude and moronic, the phrase "Yankees suck" is simply outdated. Its origins are from a bygone era, when we all knew deep down in our hearts that no matter how far ahead the Red Sox might have been in August, no matter the score and inning of a game in October, the Yankees were going to win. And there was nothing we could do about it.

The way it ought to be.

But that's over. It's been over since October 2004, when "Yankees suck" should have been put out to pasture. Shouting "Yankees suck" at Fenway Park today is like yelling "No Taxation Without Representation!" at Faneuil Hall.

Whatever you think of "Yankees suck," it used to mean something, but now it doesn't. It is mindless, as those who chant it often are. I was at Game 7 of the Celtics-Hawks playoff series, and when it became apparent that the C's would win, some in the crowd started chanting "Yankees suck."

"Dad," my oldest asked, "why are they saying that at a Celtics game?"

"Because," I replied, "they're too stupid to think up anything else."

*choirs of angels singing*

Thank you, God. There is hope for Boston yet. I hope that this man temporarily becomes a Mormon, marries 60 women, has 12 kids with each one, and each kid marries 60 different people, and each couple has another 12 kids...all of whom are raised in this same environment to not be morons.

Then there will be a legitimate army to combat the douchebags that comprise so much of the present Boston and Massachusetts population.

Now, sit back, and think long and hard for a moment. Have you ever said "Yankees suck"? Think of the people you have seen or heard saying this over the years. My experience has been that most people who shout "Yankees suck" are either drunk, obnoxious, or stupid and very often a combination of all three. They are an embarrassment to the rest of us, and their chant makes us look like a bunch of local yokels.

I know this will fall on deaf ears, and "Yankees suck" will be sung lustily all weekend in the bleachers and grandstand, then on Brookline Avenue as guys who have already had too much to drink mosey down to Kenmore Square, looking for more booze or a fight.

But if in this day and age you continue to yell "Yankees suck," it says a lot more about you than the team you think you're insulting.

Excellent article, my friend. Nobody can better speak the truth than one who lives among them and roots for the same team.

Hey, I'm not innocent of the opposite, though it's not the same to chant "Boston sucks!" because while it definitely implies the Red Sox, I see it as sort of a general statement about Boston itself, its obnoxious citizens, and their inferiority to New York.

And in a way, I sort of disagree with Cullen. If I were a Red Sox fan, I would chant "Yankees suck!" for fun, when appropriate of course (if the Red Sox are up by 10 runs or if the Yankees are arguing with an umpire, certainly not at a goddamn Celtics game) fully knowing that they don't suck. On the other hand, Cullen probably knows that people like that don't exist. The morons who chant it do think the Yankees suck. Derek Jeter could be hitting .350 with a .440 OBP, he sucks. A-Rod could be OPS'ing 150 pts higher than Ortiz, he's still not as good as Big Papi, or Manny. And Papelbon is so much better than Mariano, even though Mariano's WHIP and ERA are way lower. Idiots.

Thank you, Kevin Cullen. It's people like you that Boston needs a lot more of.

This shit makes me happy to be wrong

2008-07-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

Mike Mussina is in better shape this year and his fastball is hitting 88-90, which is enough for him to put up 180 innings or so of about an average ERA.

That is what I said back in March.

Mike Mussina
13-6 (and it'd be better if the WOE hadn't been disguising as the NY Yankees during a few of his starts)
121.1 IP
3.26 ERA (126 ERA+)
1.212 WHIP
81 K/16 BB

Fluke? I think not...

3.57 xFIP

That stat is key right there. Showing he's not getting lucky and that he truly is pitching well.

And in his last 10 starts:

68 IP
2.25 ERA
1.09 WHIP
52 K/7 BB

With the luck the Yankees had trotting out Cracked Ribs and Bad Pitch Selection, Mike Mussina has practically made up for losing one of them.

God among men. I just hope he can continue this.

Colonel Decker, just capture me, you'd probably make better company during a Yankees game than my dad

2008-07-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

My dad once again babbling about Bobby Abreu.

You look at Bobby Abreu, and you wouldn't think he's so fast...

Yes, I know. You've only told me this about 5 times in the last week or two. Anytime I repeat myself too often, which I unfortunately do from time to time, I blame you for forcing it upon me.

He's not bad defensively, either!

I believe you mentioned that before as well. And no, he's not good defensively. He's saved 17 runs fewer than average. That's 1.7 wins he's cost us defensively.

He's been great! (to which I respond by saying he's OK, and that he's actually slightly below average offensively for a right fielder, to which he responds) I have a hard time believing that.

Bobby Abreu
.277/.349/.443

I'm too lazy to add up at bats, plate appearances, hits, total bases, walks, sacrifices, etc. to calculate the correct averages, but since every qualified right fielder has at minimum 360 plate appearances, I'm going to just add up the averages and get a mean approximation for right fielders.

Rough average for right fielder
.281/.351/.467

So Abreu is a few pts below in batting average (negligible), a few points below in OBA (also negligible), and slugging average is a decent chunk below. He's certainly not terrible offensively, but he is a little below average right now. Not to say he will be for the rest of the season, but as of now, he is. Why is it so hard to understand this? Oh wait, I'm forgetting to account for something...

You have to factor for playing in New York, you know? There are so many people who have played elsewhere and put up great numbers, and then they come to New York and they suck! That's why sometimes it's better when you have homegrown guys, they develop in New York. You have guys like Brian Doyle, they rise to the occasion. Some people can take it. Others can't. It's really hard. It's easy to show off your skills in the middle of Ohio someplace, but a lot harder at Yankee Stadium in front of 57,000 people.

Yes, that's right. If you add in the ichNYcIhnb (I can't handle NY cuz I have no balls) factor, Bobby Abreu is just as good as Jermaine Dye.

At this point it's taking every ounce of my energy not to scream, "My GOD, are you an idiot?!" And you were a math major for crying out loud. Why is all your analysis based in platitudes and not in stats?! It probably is true that there were some people that weren't cut out to play in New York. You know what? What you said might very well be true, but you can't just say shit that sounds stupid without some sort of evidence to corroborate your theory. Aren't you a lawyer, too? This is the kind of crap I expect out of someone who wasted his or her parents' $100,000+ to study poetry or art or women's gender studies. Oh no, you're still not done...

Just look at Jose Contreras! He sucked for the Yankees. He goes to the White Sox and he wins a World Series. Then he comes back to Yankee Stadium and they kicked his ass!

*Insert Dr. Cox and Westminster Chime* WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONNNNNNNNNG....WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONNNNNNNNNG!!!! YER WRONNNG! YER WRONNNG! YER WRONNNG!

Jose Contreras
(career)
4.57 ERA
1.36 WHIP
6.54 K/9 IP
3.23 BB/9 IP
(vs. Yankees)
4.20 ERA
1.24 WHIP
6 K/9 IP
2.2 BB/9 IP

He has actually pitched BETTER than his career norms against the Yankees with the exception of strikeouts, and he is all of 3 strikeouts off his career rate for that many innings pitched. Not that this is a significant departure from his usual numbers especially considering the 45 inning sample size, but for God's sake. Do you EVER say anything without being sure that it's correct or reasonable first?

Capture me, cripple me, kill me...or just lift the blackout restrictions on MLB.tv so I can watch the games on my computer. Please?

I love when I'm right because it's so rare...or I can be wrong but right, too...

2008-07-22T09:11:00.001-07:00

And even better is the fact that I still have time to be wrong. However, I've been right so far on a couple things that either I predicted a while ago or recently predicted.

1. I had said back in January that I thought Josh Beckett would come back to earth this year and be a 3.80-4.00 ERA guy because he will give up more home runs this year.

Josh Beckett's current numbers:
3.98 ERA
15 HR allowed (17 all of last year)

2. Daisuke Matsuzaka's simply not that good.

This is where I'm wrong but I'm right. Don't be fooled by the raw stats here. He's probably been the luckiest son of a bitch I've ever seen for half a season.

2.65 ERA, BUT...

last year's LD/GB/FB percentage: 18.0/38.4/43.6 (flyball pitcher)
this year's LD/GB/FB percentage: 18.0/36.9/45.1 (nothing's changed)

last year's HR/FB ratio: 11.7% (typical, most pitchers aside from the extreme groundball pitchers like Wang/Webb allow anywhere between 8 and 12% of their flyballs to go out, just a question of how many flyballs you allow)
this year's HR/FB ratio: 5.7% (this is just a crime, that's a lower percentage than Wang this year)

last year's WHIP: 1.32 (OK)
this year's WHIP: 1.38 (less OK)

last year's xFIP: 4.42 (indicative of how he pitched)
this year's xFIP: 5.08 (indicative of how much murder he's getting away with)

last year's K/G: 8.9 (very good)
this year's K/G: 7.6 (still solid but not as good)

last year's BB/G: 3.5 (OK)
this year's BB/G: 5.6 (terrible)

If he was whiffing more guys this year, then I could understand why he's gotten away with walking so many people. If he was getting a lot more groundballs, then I could understand why he hasn't given up homers. But he's not doing anything differently. In fact, in a lot of ways, he's been worse! Fewer Ks, more walks, same number of flyballs = bad combination. It really just goes to show you how ERA, like batting average, can be more an indicator of luck than effectiveness. xFIP is much better because it takes away all luck elements that are present in ERA. Then you can see how the two stats match up and that will usually tell you whether or not somebody's for real or not. Therefore, if the baseball gods weren't blowing down Matsuzaka's long flyballs or directing the liners he's allowed right at people, his ERA would be 5.08, a whopping 2.41 above what he's allowed. And even with that low 2.65 ERA, it's kind of useless because he never lasts more than 5.2 innings on average (I'm being generous and excluding his outing against St. Louis after returning from the DL). He is WAY overdue for a big time ERA correction. I hope to see it at 4.50 by the end of this season.

3. Robbie's heating up, bitch

Just like Matsuzaka's due for a bad correction, Cano is due for a good correction. He's always a better hitter in the second half to begin with, and secondly, because of the high probability that his batted ball rates revert somewhat or fully to his career norms, he's probably going to get a little lucky in the second half, too.

Friday, 2 for 4, bleacher creatures HR
Saturday, 4 for 6, 2 rocket doubles to leftcenter, vintage Robbie
Sunday, 2 for 4, 2 rocket singles
Monday, 2 for 5, upper deck HR, single to leftcenter

Good for a post-All Star break line of .526/.526/.947, 2 HR, 2 2B. It's about time he and Jeter put up the numbers they are capable of and Kevin Youkilis started hitting more like Kevin Youkilis and not 2004-2007 Victor Martinez. Lowell's already come back to earth, it should only be a matter of time before Youkilis does. Pedroia's absurd power surge (although not too absurd when all of his home runs came at Great American Bandbox, Camden Yards, Citizens Bank, and Minute Maid) has cooled off as he's now back to being the singles hitter with occasional double power. It's really annoying me that his home/road splits are the same right now. I want the disparity to grow back to where it usually is just to show everyone that he's really just David Eckstein in a little league park.

Probability has not been on Robbie's side so far this year

2008-07-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

Robinson Cano hasn't been at his best this season, but he certainly hasn't hit badly enough to deserve a .246/.285/.358 line underneath his name.

His line drive percentage this year is actually higher than it was last year (19.1% vs. 16.9%) and his flyball/groundball rates are pretty much the same. When I saw this, the first thing I thought of was his hit chart. But according to that, the percentage of balls he pulls, hits up the middle, or goes oppo with are virtually the same as his career norms. In fact, he's hit the ball up the middle more frequently this year. Considering the fact that line drives are the most likely type of batted balls to be hits (they have a 75% probability of being a hit), Cano shouldn't be hitting too badly. But I think this has been a ridiculous case of bad luck. And I mean ridiculous.

Of his 61 line drives this year, just 36 of them have been hits (59%). I want to show you just how improbable it is for a guy to hit 61 line drives and just 36 of them be hits. If you go by the 75% rule, using a Bernoulli distribution, the probability that Cano would get just 36 hits out of 61 line drives is...

0.25%

It's not likely for this to happen all that often. One chance in 400 that this could happen. Basically him hitting the ball this well and have this little to show for it happens once per career at most. He may have another slide like this in his career, but it won't be as a result of luck THIS bad. Now, on the bright side, the chances of 59% of line drives landing for hits continuing, assuming he puts another 200 balls in play at the same line drive rate, is 0.0059%. So as long as he keeps hitting the way he's been hitting, especially lately, he'll be fine.

Believe it or not, I'm actually defending Jonathan Papelbon

2008-07-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

If you read this blog, you know our feelings on Jonathan Papelbon. I think he's a prick and while his numbers the past couple years have been spectacular, I think the numbers he's put up this year are more indicative of the kind of pitcher he is. Very very good, but not lights out unhittable.

And yes, he said something really stupid by saying, "If I was managing the team, I would close." It's Yankee Stadium in its final year. Mariano Rivera, at age 38, is still throwing 93 mph, looks-down-the-middle-then-it's-on-your-fists cutters, striking out over a batter per inning, walking someone as often as a relationship works out for Jack Bauer (sorry Jack, but forget about Audrey, Secretary Heller wouldn't make a very nice father-in-law and there are plenty of other fish in the sea) and has yet to blow a save this season. Forget about closing this game. However, while Papelbon should have known that saying something like that was going to cause problems, the Daily News still should get a good share of the blame as they made it out to be much worse than it was as Papelbon did not "dis" Mariano. After hearing and reading about what he had said through biased sources, my initial reaction was, "Typical Papelbon jackass comments" and wondered why the Nick Blackburns and Chris Youngs of the world get hit with line drives in the face and not pompous jerks like Papelbon or K-Rod. (And I shouldn't say things like that. That's just a kneejerk reaction on my part. I don't honestly wish harm on jackass pitchers. I do wish that they suck, though...) But in this case it wasn't. He said that Mariano was the "godfather" of closers and that Mariano's done so much to make what the closer role has become today. His stated reason for thinking he should close was because of last year's World Series, not because he thinks he's better than Mariano. The logic being, Francona gets to manage, he should have the right to use his guy to close out the game. While the logic is wrong in this case, and Papelbon acknowledged that it's not that cut and dry, it's certainly not indefensible.

The "I don't mind deferring to an elder statesman" line could be seen as a dis, but honestly, I don't think that was his intent because it was followed by the "godfather" comment. He has said other, much more annoying and pompous things and you can read one of them in my post about a week ago. This is why I hate the Daily News and just the media in general. People rely on them to get information and they transform non-stories into controversies and most people (including myself at first, until I read more about it) are going to base their opinions and/or actions based on the information made available to them. Now, if what Papelbon said is true about his wife being threatened, then that is disgraceful and the people who did that are classless regardless of what information they had. That makes me embarrassed to be a Yankees fan and a New Yorker. While I think that the average Boston fans are definitely worse as they start victory riots, light cars on fire, get themselves arrested, run players out of town with death threats, and yell racial slurs at players, neither Yankees fans nor fans anywhere should emulate those behaviors. And it just goes to show you that there are idiot fans EVERYWHERE you go, it's just a matter of degree. Papelbon, I hate your guts but the non-idiot Yankees fans wish no harm to you and your wife and hope your child is born healthy. I just hope you don't pass your genes onto him.

I can't wait for the season to kick back up again.

B.A. needs Cablevision or DirecTV in the basement of his hideout from the U.S. Army

2008-07-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

Because I can't bear to sit through another game with my dad...

"Abreu is great. You'd never think he was so fast! And aside from the fear of the wall, he's a pretty good fielder, too! And a great arm!" (heard approximately 3-4 times this week)

(after Jeter grounded into his 13th double play of the season, two shy of leading the league, just minutes after I predicted it) "He did hit a 2-run double earlier, so you owe him an apology."

"You know who the bench coach is in Tampa Bay? Zimmer! Why do you think they're in first place?!" (relatively new, but I expect that to be said every time the Rays' success comes up)

"Now he'll hit a home run." (refering to A-Rod when the Yankees were up by 4 runs, in the 8th inning)

This is just several of the many painful things I get to listen to while watching the games. Just to clarify:

Bobby Abreu: .871 RZR (2nd worst in AL), 9 OOZ plays (worst in AL)
Derek Jeter: one 2-run double makes up for grounding into 13 double plays in a little over half a season.
Don Zimmer: the reason the Rays pitching staff has a 114 ERA+ and that Evan Longoria has a near-.900 OPS at age 22
A-Rod: his fault that pitchers have walked him 17 times in 101 PA w/RISP. W/RISP, A-Rod hits .244/.396/.449. Not great, but that's still not terrible. What should clue you in is the OBP. People don't give A-Rod shit to hit, even with a hot Giambi behind him, because he's that fucking good. Besides, it's 78 at bats, and he's caught a few bad breaks so far (.294 BABIP w/RISP vs. .335 total).

Please have a heart. Help B.A. avoid killing himself and give him DirecTV in the basement so he can watch the game in peace...

2008 Andy Pettitte

2008-07-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Great job by Pettitte last night, who has been pitching pretty well this year even though at times it hasn't seemed like it.

His LD% allowed is 19.5, the same as last year. His GB% allowed is 52.4% up from 47.7% last year. He's allowing fewer flyballs, which is great, the unfortunate thing is a more typical 11.5% of those flyballs have found their way out of the ballpark versus last year's 7.0% FB/HR. He probably got lucky last year, but as long as he can keep the flyball rate down the way he has, he'll be fine.

He's walking fewer batters (2.19/9 IP vs. 2.88/9 IP) and striking out more batters (6.43/9 IP vs. 5.89/9 IP, probably because he has substitued more cutters for changeups this season). Overall, he's pitching better this year than he did last year. His xFIP last year was 4.47 and actual ERA was 4.05, with a WHIP of 1.43 (blech). However this year his xFIP is down to 3.60 and actual ERA is 3.93 with a WHIP of 1.33.

Pettitte usually gets stronger as the season goes along. Career wise, in the first half he strikes out 6.36/9 IP, walks 2.97/9IP, and has an ERA of 4.11 and a WHIP of 1.40. In the second half, he strikes out 6.79/9 IP, walks 2.58/9 IP, and has an ERA of 3.53 and a WHIP of 1.30. I think we can expect a great second half from Andy.

If a meteor came down and annihilated Fenway Park, I would laugh

2008-07-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

Manny Ramirez's HR yesterday:

True Distance
381 feet

OK, that ball's not out in Yankee Stadium or several other ballparks in baseball, but not terrible. Oh wait...

Impact due to:
Wind - 38 feet
Temp - 3 feet

Standard Distance
340 feet

NOT a HR in any MLB ballpark.

Can anything ever just go totally wrong for the Red Sox at Fenway? I hope Beckett gets absolutely shelled tonight and gives up 5 400+ foot homers.

Jonathan Papelbon: you are an unprofessional piece of shit

2008-07-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

Re: Gardner's hit (and maybe even Cano's hit, too)

"Seems like that's what's going to happen if you're going to beat me this year: broken bat or find-your-way-through-the-infield somehow," Papelbon said. "I've got to be able to go out and get the first guy."

First of all, that's a classless thing to say. If you're talking about Cano's hit, you're an idiot. Cano hit that ball hard right back through the middle. He's a good hitter who has found his stroke and you didn't get the ball up in the zone enough. Regarding Gardner, give him some credit, you fucking schmuck. He fouled off your mighty, intimidating fishface fastball time after time...then you and Vaginatek stupidly decide to try a splitter instead of just continuing with the fastball due to the likelihood that eventually one of his swings would yield a fair flyball, and after having sped up Gardner's bat, he grounds one right up the middle. Sure, he didn't hit it hard, but he didn't try to do to much with it, took the right approach, and it won the game. Quit whining, you fag.

Secondly, you only get beat on broken bats and weakly hit balls?
I guess that's what happened here...and here...and here...and here...

Besides, unlike most people, I didn't forget about the 5 or 6 400 foot outs you gave up in the postseason last year that luckily for you did not find their way over the wall. Or the 407 foot out you gave up to Abreu just 2 days earlier. That Braun home run you gave up was clocked at 115 MPH off his bat. Papsmear, contrary to what you may believe, people can hit the ball hard off you. I hope you blow 5 more saves this year, all on 450 foot game-winning grand slams with baserunners you put on. Then you tear your shoulder on another one of your typical first pitch fastballs that A-Rod turns into a 575 foot game-winning 3 run homer. And then you fall into the highly populated category of people who became irrelevent just 2-3 years after everyone dubbed them the new Mariano.

Alright, not bad...

2008-07-07T08:05:00.001-07:00

Thursday and Friday sucked, but Saturday and Sunday weren't too shabby, as the Yankees managed a split.

Mussina turned in another absolute gem on Saturday. Man, who would have expected Mike Mussina to compensate for his loss of velocity with such impeccable command. With a 3.77 xFIP, this hasn't been fluky. He's been as good as his numbers dictate. Hopefully this continues.

Mariano decided to do his best John Wetteland impression on Saturday, allowing a run and loading the bases with nobody out with a 1 run lead, but then turned back into good Mariano and got out of it. He's been incredible. 92.6 MPH cutter. 10.26 K/9 IP. 0.67 BB/9 IP. 29.4% of the flyballs he's allowed have been infield flies. And that home run he gave up to DeJesus was kind of a joke. It carried 404 feet into the bleachers, but without the wind and temperature that ball is a 361 foot flyout. So he got a tad unlucky with that. I hope he can keep closing when he's 50, because he has set Yankees fans' expectations so high that even when he allows a hit almost seems unacceptable. Forget about the guy who follows him.

Joba looked pretty good, too. He allowed 3 ER in 6 IP, but combined with the fact he really was not hit all that hard, he fanned 5 in those 6 IP, and it could have been more if he had more borderline calls go his way, I'm pleased with his performance.

Cano continues to swing the bat well, as he's hitting .375/.390/.556 over his last 20 games. His triple off Lopez was huge. He also picked up a solid single up the middle off Papsmear to set up the GW-single for Brett Gardner, whom I will get to next. Cano's walk rate might be down from last year (5.9% to 4.1%), but that's a function of the pitches he's seeing. Last year he swung at 34.43% of pitches out of the strike zone. This year, however, he has swung at just 28.60% of pitches out of the strike zone. Pitchers are simply throwing him a lot more strikes, and why wouldn't you? He wasn't hitting up until recently. I have a feeling he's going to start drawing more walks pretty soon now that he appears to be out of his funk.

Brett Gardner's proving to be a pretty solid player. He's only hitting .143, but he's had a lot of good at bats, seeing 4.4 P/PA so far, including that 8 pitch battle off Papsmear last night. He's a pretty good defender and has a solid arm. His strikeout rate was high in the minors, but I think that's simply because he takes tons of pitches. So far in the majors, he makes contact with just about everything he swings at. As long as he can be a down-on-the-ball, hit-it-where-it's-pitched kind of hitter, he will be a useful player.

Oh yeah, hey Papsmear. Mariano >> you.

And Red Sox fans, I know you guys like to talk about how the Red Sox do better than most teams against Mariano, but take a look at this...

Jonathan Papelbon (career vs. NYY, 2008 vs. NYY)
0-3
20.0 IP
1.20 WHIP
3.60 ERA
6 for 8 in SV opportunities

0-1
4.0 IP
1.50 WHIP
9.00 ERA
2 for 2 in SV opportunities

Papsmear doesn't have it so easy against the Bronx Bombers either...

Mariano >> Papsmear

Derek: are you TRYING to hit into double plays?

2008-07-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

11 GIDPs, and if it weren't for Ian Kinsler sucking, you'd have 12 GIDPs this year. What the hell is going on with you?

For your career, your LD% since 2002 has been 20.8%.

This year it's 15.9%. You've always been a groundball type hitter, but you always hit a lot of liners to go with it, so you usually hit a lot of hard grounders, too. But now those previously hard grounders that snuck through holes are hit too weakly to evade leather...or 2 outs...

Possible reason for Derek Jeter's problems:

While he's swinging at almost the identical percentage of balls in and out of the strike zone as last year, he's making contact with a higher percentage of balls out of the strike zone. That's bad. In 2006, when he hit .343, he only swung out of the strike zone 18.53% of the time, while making contact on just 52.77% of those swings. Now it's 21.24% of the time and 70.77% of those swings have resulted in contact. BAD.

His K rate is down from 16.4% to 12.1% from 2006, his should-have-been MVP season. However his walk rate's down from 10.0% to 7.0%.

Solution: Derek, stop swinging at balls out of the zone. You're being too protective at the plate. You're better off striking out more often if it means you'll be more patient and hit more line drives. Besides, it'd be real nice. As Earl Weaver would say, if you're going to hit into a double play, do the right thing and strike out.

Melky Cabrera: what the hell is going on?

2008-07-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest reasons for the Yankees' offensive problems is Melky Cabrera, who's been as close to an automatic out as you can be the last 2 months, after a terrific start. What the hell is going on? We're about to investigate. Let's look at what's happened since his 6th home run.

Sunday, May 4th
.291/.359/.505
6 HR
19.5% LD
44.8% GB
35.6% FB
4.0 P/PA
14/12 K/BB
118 PA, 103 AB

Tuesday, July 1st
.240/.305/.345
7 HR
18.5% LD
45.4% GB
36.1% FB
3.7 P/PA
40 K/27 BB
321 PA, 287 AB

So...

Since Sunday, May 4th
.212/.274/.255
1 HR
26 K/15 BB
3.5 P/PA

OK, so part of this slump is certainly due to bad luck. His PrOPS still has him hitting .280/.340/.421, as aside from the home runs, his batted ball data hasn't changed too much. However, he's seeing half a pitch fewer on average than he was for the first month. He's been way too aggressive at the plate, and he needs to get back the patience he showed his rookie year and in the first month this year. You're not going to hit the ball with good authority when you're overaggressive and that's what's happening with him. And having observed him at the plate, his swing is too long, which leads me to believe that he might have gotten a little homer happy after the first month. Yeah, sure. He's had a lot of bad luck. But you kind of make your own luck when you're swinging early and often for the fences. Wake up, Melky.

This team is so clutch, a joy to watch

2008-07-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

Yankees with RISP this year:

.251/.334/.371

Last night: 0-6. And yet another good start from Mike Mussina wasted.

Let me say a few words to express how this makes me feel...

GODDAMMIT YOU MOTHERFUCKING GUTLESS FUCKS STOP SUCKING IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO GET SOME HITS WITH MEN ON BASE AGAINST A GUY WITH AN 88 ERA+ YOU WORTHLESS SACKS OF SHIT IF YOU DON'T START HITTING BETTER WITH RUNNERS ON AND YOU DON'T TAKE THE NEXT TWO GAMES FROM TEXAS AND THEN THREE OUT OF FOUR FROM THE RED SOX I WILL CALL JACK BAUER AND HE WILL TORTURE THE HELL OUT OF YOU DEAD FROM THE NECK UP FUCKS TRUST ME HE TORTURED HIS OWN BROTHER AND CUT OFF A DIPLOMAT'S PINKY WAKE UP GODDAMMIT

IF YOU LEAVE ANOTHER MAN ON BASE YOU'LL WISH THAT ALL I WAS DOING WAS STRANGLING YOU!!!!!

Being legitimately shut down by opposing pitching because your lineup simply does not have weapons...frustrating? Sure, but at least understandable because the talent isn't there.

A very talented lineup that three months into the season still consistently leaves men on base and can never deliver big hits when they need them to the point that you really wonder if it's just bad luck...frustrating? No, frustrating isn't the word. Infuriating? Closer. Disgraceful? Yes. Pathetic? Yes.

I know some fans expect wins and playoff berths. And with the Yankees at 44-39 for the season, they are still in a pretty good position to grab a playoff spot, which I of course would be happy with. I understand that. But personally, most importantly I want to see good baseball, win or lose...preferably win obviously, but if they lost playing the way they should, I'm not mad. Leaving 12 men on base every goddamn game and supposed future batting title winners and former near batting title winners just absolutely sucking wind...not good baseball. I'd rather watch a sub-.500 team that, while they will lose more often than not, they will at least not look dead from the neck up doing it. The frustration of being a fan of a team like that is not as bad as the frustration of watching this team. Let me try and explain why I feel this way using 2 examples.

1. I swim for a team that's pretty much at the bottom of the league. Sure, it's kind of frustrating that we suck, but everybody performs to the level at which they are capable of. Our best isn't good enough to beat all of these other teams. It sucks, but I'm fine with it. You lose with no excuses. This team continues to underperform and they don't play their best often enough.

2. You're a good looking guy. You're in great shape. You're smart, book smart and street smart. You're a nice guy. You have all of these characteristics, and while you definitely strive for better, the only girls you get together with are the likes of the Penguin (inside joke, for those of you who don't get it, let's just say a hideous girl). At least if you're a hideous guy yourself, the Penguin is the best you can do. But when you should be reeling in supermodels, and instead you reel in Jenny Quarter Pounder, isn't that kind of bad?

Who knows, maybe I should just lower my expectations for this team. Then I won't be as pissed...HA! (Hey...HA...that's a good idea! Maybe we'll score runs THAT way!)

This is just depressing

2008-06-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

4 hits. 1 run. Off Scott Feldman. Owner of a 97 career ERA+, and an 88 ERA+ coming into today's game.

Every time you think this team and the slumping hitters are about to get going, they just go right back to looking like shit. As Replacement Level says all the time, WOE (Worst Offense Ever).

Robinson Cano, one of the most highly touted hitters in the game, expected to win batting titles, compared to Rod Carew...hitting in the .240s and we're now in July. He's been hitting a lot better lately, but still...end of June and hitting in the .240s.

Derek Jeter, one of the most consistent offensive players in baseball over the last 10 years...hitting .280 with no power, no patience, and looking awful as he does it.

Melky Cabrera, after looking great after the first month with 6 homers and an OPS in the .850s, seemingly not a fluke as he was taking pitches and hitting balls hard...can't hit worth a fucking damn. Coco Crisp is having a better season.

Bobby Abreu, "Bobby-on-base", "Bobby-base-on-balls", has just 32 walks and an OBP in the low .350s.

Phil Hughes, one of, if not, the best pitching prospect in all of baseball who showed towards the end of last year the kind of pitcher he can be...9.00 ERA and out until August with a fractured rib.

Hideki Matsui, one of the few consistent hitters on this team having an excellent season...on the 15 day DL with the possibility of needing surgery.

Chien-Ming Wang, owned in April, sucked in May, and then finally seemed to figure out how to get his sinker working again...turns his ankle rounding the fucking bases.

Brian Bruney, one of the few guys out of the bullpen who was pitching very well early on...foot injury, out for 2-3 months. (though he might be back very soon)

Just absolutely depressing. It's one thing when you know your team sucks. But all of these underperformances and injuries just suck. Matsui and Damon have overperformed. But everybody is either doing what's expected, a lot worse, or hurt. Underperforming pisses me off so fucking much. This team can't get on any sort of roll, and it just seems like they never will...

Brett Gardner: come on up

2008-06-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hello, Brett Gardner. Welcome to the Bigs.

There certainly are some pros and cons to this youngster. Let's take a look at the cons, first.

Cons
1. .385 SLG in minors. However, he does have a .429 SLG this season, with 11 doubles, 10 triples, and 3 home runs in 282 ABs. So maybe he's starting to develop some extra base hit capabilities, though it's unlikely that they will apparent to us in his first stint at the MLB level.
2. Strikes out in 24.1% of his ABs. This is not good. For a guy who hits for pretty weak power, he shouldn't be striking out this much.

Pros
1. Excellent eye. Has walked in 13.4% of his plate appearances in the minors, with it being 17.3% in AAA this year.
2. Incredibly fast. 83% success rate in swiping bases, going 150-30. It'd be good to have a great SB threat on the bases.
3. Excluding the numbers he put up right after his midseason promotions, at each level, he's put up very high BABIPs, including this year's .357.

Could look at it this way. Reggie Willits has a Jason Tyner-like ability to hit home runs and he walks a ton, also, while striking out a fair amount (although in the majors, not the minors) and not putting up a tremendous average. If he could be Reggie Willits, that's not terrible. A guy at the bottom of the lineup that can get on base at a decent clip will certain help. And who knows, as my third "pro" states, when Gardner does put the ball in play, he gets a lot of hits. If he were to cut down on the strikeouts without losing his patience, he'd become a lot more valuable. Plus, it's possible that Cashman might want people to see this guy's patience and his speed, and hope that someone would jerk off to him enough to want to give up something worthwhile to acquire him.

B.A.'s game review: But we lost our 8th inning weapon!!!!!

2008-06-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

Joba Chamberlain pwns. On his 98th pitch last night, he threw a 97 mph fastball for strike three. I think this guy can start, people. And most encouraging about last night: 1 BB. I also loved how into his ABs he was. He's not far removed from college so hitting wasn't a problem for him. Who kidnapped bad Robby and bad Jetes? Cano version Rod Carew launched a bomb, and then lines 2 base hits right back up the middle. I hope he hits .500 for a month now. Jeter! Two shots off the wall in center! Is he finally quitting with that dragging of the hands crap and learning to drive the ball again? If so, then it's good and hilarious at the same time, since the Yankees are playing the Mets soon, and Jeter rips the Mets a new one every time he faces them. A-Rod said before the season Jeter was going to be an MVP candidate. Maybe this is what A-Rod was talking about. As bad as Jeter's been, he's still hitting .286 and OPSing .739, and he's trending upwards now. I hope he goes nuts the rest of the year and winds up hitting my projections, making me look like a genius :-) And if he were to finish around those projections, say, .330+/.400+/.460+, 15 HR, and continues to play the defense he's been playing (.858 ZR, 18 OOZ), he does make a good case for MVP. Unless of course, A-Rod finishes with 40 HR and a 1.000+ OPS. Abreu showing signs of life, too! 6 for his last 13 with 2 homers and a double. All we need from him now is a few more walks, and some better defense, though I'm not sure how much of either we're going to see... Ross Ohlendorf has great stuff, but he needs to be used correctly. He's not a mop-up guy/long reliever. He's the kind of guy that needs to go all out when he pitches. Pitch him one inning, and he can dominate. Don't push him for more. Now, let's see if this team can get on a roll and play like this for an extended period. If they can, they will close in on Boston and Tampa Bay. I'm still iffy about Tampa's rotation holding up and there's no way Boston will keep winning at their home clip. Here are several things which will happen:

1. Sean Casey won't keep hitting .365. (Not that he's a vital member of the team, but come on. What a joke.)

2. Kevin Youkilis will cool off in the second half as he always does. By the way, his first home run on Sunday, traveled 343 feet. That's a cheapo to start with. But, without the aid of wind, it would have traveled 295 feet. That's right. 295 feet. Even Fenway wouldn't have turned that into a home run on a normal day. He's not as bad as Lowell in terms of cheap home runs, but he doesn't exactly smoke the ball all that often, as 6 of his 13 homers have landed shy of 370 feet barring the atmospheric externalities. And trim that goatee, you dirtbag. You look ridiculous.

See Kevin? You looked normal then.

Now you just look like a prick.

3. Lester will come back to earth. He only strikes out 5.64/9 IP, and he's never historically been a big groundball type pitcher (1.49 GB/FB ratio this year). It's not totally luck, but if he had really made a vast improvement, you'd see the Ks go up. They haven't. They've gone down. Over his largest MLB sample, this is the lowest K rate he's had. His BB rate's also been the lowest, but I suspect that will change. This guy relies very much on his command to be effective and I don't see him consistently having it. As I've said before, he's basically a poor man's Andy Pettitte.
4. Masterson will have more games like he did the other day, and the "Get 'em a body bag!" comeback crap isn't going to happen every time.
5. Matsuzaka will continue to pay the price for walking 12 batters a game as it finally caught up to him in his first start coming back from injury. Ah, good to know that the baseball gods are on your side every now and then...

Let's go Yankees!

Awful

2008-06-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

Tom Gorzelanny allows TWELVE baserunners in 6 innings. He gave up numerous rockets. Of course, the Yankees couldn't buy a hit that meant anything. Posada hit 2 rockets right at people. Giambi hit a screamer right at Mientkiewicz. A-Rod just got under two balls to leftcenter and center. Melky misses a grand slam down the line by a few feet. Derek Jeter in a 2-0 count continues to live up to his new nickname, Derek "double plays" Jeter. Rasner didn't have it which means he had nothing, because his margin for error is so small. LaTroy Hawkins sucks. For someone who throws as hard as he does, to be striking out a meager 5.01/9 IP and walking 4.18/9 IP, that's just awful. I don't care if he's managed to have scoreless appearances in 18 of his 26 outings. That doesn't make up for how bad he is in other outings. It's not good when you can expect your pitcher to shit the bed 31% of the time. He's too volatile. Bring up David Robertson as soon as possible. And what the hell happened to Bobby Abreu's renowned ability to draw walks? He's walking in half as many plate appearances as he used to! His OBP is only 63 points above his BA. I don't care about the batting average as much, because that'll come back up, and his IsoP is right about where I expected it to be (.171 expected, .167 actual). It's the walks. If he can't OBP .380 in the number 3 hole, then get him out of there and plug Matsui in. Drop Abreu down.

The only silver lining in last night's game is Robby Cano's 3 hits. Granted, the first hit should have been an error, but with how much has gone against Cano this year, it was good to see him get a break. Then he picked up two more legit hits, one a liner through the hole between 3rd and short, the other a double into the right centerfield gap. That's more like it, Robby. If you want to salvage your season and finish at or around .300 with an .830-.840 OPS, now's the time to get hot and stay hot.

Let's hope that this is Rock Bottom #2 for the Yankees and that they start playing well again, without encountering Rock Bottom #3.

Typical YES Broadcast

2008-06-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you guys, but I can't stand the YES Broadcasts anymore. Michael Kay has an annoying voice, and is an idiot. Singleton overanalyzes. David Cone, John Flaherty, Al Leiter, and Paul O'Neill all sound identical and you have to listen to them talk for a few seconds to figure out who they are. Oh, and don't worry, they'll give you plenty of opportunities for you to identify them. Too many. The scouting reports aren't scouting reports. It's more like a MySpace profile. It sucks.

Well, here's the transcript from Saturday's game, it was just unbearable.

Michael Kay: Well here's Dan Giese to start tonight's game, and you can see his numbers. Now, let's take a look at the scouting report for Dan. Take it away, David.

Screen: Dan Giese expert scouting report which is totally relevent to the substance of his pitches and/or style and no one else could tell you this
-Will he be good today?
-Picker
-Free Ballin'

David Cone: Alright, Michael. Dan Giese! Will he be good today? Well that depends on a lot of things. Does he throw good pitches? Does he have confidence that he can throw good pitches? Picker! That's right. He's a nose picker. That's what keeps him going in life. And of course, "Free Ballin'!" He does not wear a cup. He loves that freedom. That's why he wears a patch of the American Flag on his crotch and plays "I been lookin' for freedom" by David Hasselhoff when he comes in.

Bottom of the first
Michael Kay: Leading off here is Johnny Damon. Now, David, as an amazing former pitcher, how do you go about the first pitch to a guy like Johnny Damon here?
David Cone: Well, Michael, you want to throw a strike to Damon because leadoff walks are killers, but you also don't want to throw him too good a strike because he's a good hitter.
Michael Kay: And there's a strike to Damon, just like you thought! And we see Thompson going to the rosin bag. David, as a former fabulous pitcher, did you like using the rosin bag a lot?
David Cone: Well, Michael, the rosin bag is a great tool. Get that hand dry, get that grip that you need so you can have your command. It's a Godsend.
Michael Kay: And Johnny Damon breaks his bat again, but gets a nice bloop single! David, as a former superb right hander, didn't it really bother you when you broke a hitter's bat and still gave up a hit?
Random person walking past booth: No, pitchers love when weakly hit balls fall for hits. Shut up, you fatass.
David Cone: Oh it killed me, Michael. As a pitcher, you're really in the game. You just made your pitch. You executed real well, and it winds up looking like a line drive in the box score. It's certainly frustrating.
Michael Kay: Now, another thing. Johnny Damon used to be on the Royals. You were a Royals' fan growing up. Didn't that Chris Chambliss home run ruin your childhood?
David Cone: Oh indeed it did, Michael. That was a great Royals team, I still can't believe that ball went over the fence.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back (on phone with Douggy Bombs): That's another drink, Douggy. Michael Kay just brought up the Chambliss HR to Cone, again.
Douggy Bombs: Hehe, good.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Are you sure you want to keep drinking? We're only in the first inning. And you're facing Randy Johnson tonight.
Douggy Bombs: You just answered your own question.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Yeah, true. He's a dick and he sucks. Drinking can only help matters.

That's basically what YES Broadcasts are like...ALL GAME. They never shut up. It's infuriating. Gary Cohen's a Met weenie, but honestly, watching SNY Broadcasts is more tolerable to me.

B.A.'s still thinkin', foo!

2008-06-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Some more of B.A.’s thoughts

1. Mike Lowell probably hits the cheapest home runs of anybody that hits them with some regularity. His average home run travels a whopping distance of 364 feet. And of his 11 HR, only 4 of them would have been home runs in every/almost every MLB park. He also has no opposite field pop, as he has hit just 2 HR to right field in his entire career. Fuck him.

2. Robinson Cano at the plate has been bad, but his luck’s been worse. Going on batted ball data, he should be hitting .283/.322/.393. Certainly not good by Cano’s track record, but it’s certainly an easier line to salvage than .227/.270/.325! Overall he’s looking better at the plate, as he’s trying to cut down on his swing. Seeing him drive the ball a little bit more this week is a promising sign. He’s going to get hot, soon. And who knows, with his bad luck so far, maybe he’s due for a stretch in which every clunker and weak grounder avoids leather.

3. Interesting article on Phil Hughes, which is exactly what I’d said about him last month. Throwing his changeup and slider more often will make him a more effective pitcher, especially the slider since that’s more likely to be a plus-pitch for him as of now. Also, his change in mechanics is another issue. In 2006, he threw harder than he has the past 2 years. In the minors he was said to be a 91-95 mph guy who can touch 96, with late life on it. Now, he’s 88-92 occasionally touching 93.

And oh yeah, one more thing:

38 year old, Mr. "he's really washed up this time, you heard it here (Bill Simmons after every blown save of his the last 5 years"
35.1 IP, 17 H, 3 BB, 40 K, 0 blown saves, 0.76 ERA, 0.566 WHIP

27 year old, The McCarvian God among Men with Jesus powers
33.1 IP, 25 H, 5 BB, 43 K, 4 blown saves, 2.16 ERA, 0.900 WHIP

Pappy's awesome!!!

B.A. thinking away

2008-06-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

No Chien-Ming Wang until September. This sucks.

Oh well, even if the Yankees don’t make the playoffs, this isn’t the end of the world. In a way, it could be good. The Yankees of course wanted to go somewhere this year, and they still very well can, but more importantly the Yankees want to get the young rotation’s feet wet.

Unfortunately, Horne is not MLB-ready yet, as Cashman would like them to spend a little bit more time down in AAA. Dan Giese will be the temporary fill-in for Wang. He's not bad. Throws 3 pitches, 87 mph fastballs and 76 mph curveballs and sliders. Also, he doesn’t walk people. If the Yankees can get 6 IP, 3-4 ER starts out of him for each start he fills in, that’s perfectly acceptable. His first outing was awesome, but we can’t expect that kind of command to last. Hopefully they’ll just use him to fill in for a few starts, as Kennedy makes his way back soon. If Kennedy continues to be ineffective (which I can’t believe he will, he’s better than he’s pitched), then I’d love to see Horne come up and make a few starts.

Alan Horne (minor leagues, currently 24)
2006 (A+)
123 IP
122 K
61 BB
4.83 ERA (but 3.91 FIP, so it looks as though he caught a few rough breaks)
2007 (AA)
153.1 IP
165 K
57 BB
3.11 ERA (3.23 FIP, more indicative of how he pitched)
2008 (AAA)
24.1 IP
22 K
10 BB
3.70 ERA

If Kennedy is ineffective filling in for Wang, then send Kennedy back down and try Horne. In that time, Horne can probably get 3 more starts, which would be great because Cashman wants Horne to get more work in before being brought up.

One thing that would be interesting to see is what the Yankees rotation will look like next year and in 2010. There are numerous combinations. The fates of Mike Mussina and Andy Pettitte are unknown for next year. Do the Yankees resign one or both? Does Pettitte retire? These are important questions because Horne and McCutchen are both almost ready. Kennedy and Hughes will be healthy again, and likely better. Joba will be a full-fledged starter. Chien-Ming Wang’s still in the front of the rotation. And if Rasner continues his recent ways he makes a strong case for himself. That’s 7 starters without counting Pettitte and Mussina. It’s too early right now to speculate, but the decisions regarding Pettitte and Mussina are going to be key decisions in terms of the direction in which the franchise will go. I bet one of them comes back, and then you might be able to use Horne/Kennedy and/or McCutchen in a trade for possibly Bedard. Seattle’s awful, and they might want to get rid of his contract. I bet a trade of Kennedy/Horne, McCutchen, and Tabata could be enough for Seattle to send Bedard to the Bronx. If things play out with Wang, Pettitte/Mussina, Hughes, and Chamberlain, with Rasner as a backup/longman, the Yankees won’t need another 2 young starters with potential, whereas they could use a proven lefty like Bedard. They also don’t need the talented but moody, to say the least, Tabata. Besides, the Yankees have Austin Jackson and Brett Gardner coming up soon, so Tabata’s expendable. Imagine a rotation like this: Wang, Bedard, Pettitte/Mussina, Hughes, Chamberlain with Kennedy/Horne and Rasner as possible fill-ins should anything go wrong.

Bullpen-wise, I can’t wait to see David Robertson come up. He’s NASTY.

David Robertson (minor leagues, currently 23)
2007 (A)
47 IP
67 K
15 BB
0.77 ERA
(A+)
33.1 IP
37 K
15 BB
1.08 ERA
(AA)
4 IP
9 K
2 BB
2.25 ERA

2008 (AA)
18.2 IP
26 K
6 BB
0.96 ERA
(AAA)
29.2 IP
43 K
16 BB
1.82 ERA

He has a little bit of a control problem. But between AA last year and then AA this year, he brought his walks down. With a little more time in AAA he’ll bring his walks down again. But damn, 132.2 IP in the minors and 182 K. And 0 HR allowed. That’s domination. I want to see this guy up, soon. He can improve the bullpen and give them a rest later on in the year. Next year, he can fill the paramount role of “8th inning guy” that Joba gave up to fill a much less important starting rotation slot. Of course, unlike Joba, you get the most out of Robertson providing 3-6 outs late in the game than you would having him try to get through the first 21 outs.

And oh yeah, Girardi, can you maybe, once, just once, use Chris Britton? He’s not bad…

JB Cox unfortunately has been shut down for a little while due to his elbow, but he’ll be a good bullpen arm. It really is great to see that the Yankees have some talent in the minors to play with, either to fill roles on the team or to use in trades.

Wang’s injury sucks, but honestly, I’m not that upset about it. I want to see what else the Yankees have to offer.

I want this baseball season to fucking die, and while we're at it, throw Joel Sherman in there

2008-05-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

This season better turn around soon. I am so fucking sick of everything that just continues to go wrong. And it gets worse when I see pointless, moronic drivel like this.

The Yanks New York Yankees felt confident in those choices (not trading for Santana), believing Pettitte was as close to a 15-win safety net as existed. He was the steady, high-end innings eater who was going to make it possible for Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy to apprentice within a rotation.

Except here we are in May and Hughes is hurt, Kennedy is winless and Pettitte is at five weeks without a victory. Here is Pettitte less reliable than Darrell Rasner. Here is Pettitte losing a Subway Series showdown to a homer-prone Santana. Pettitte traditionally has improved as the season has gone along and that must be true this season. Or else how do the Yanks revive?

Yes, it's all Andy Pettitte's fault that he hasn't won a game since April 20th. He didn't pitch into the seventh inning on May 6th having allowed just 2 runs with a lead. David Delucci didn't cheat on a Joba fastball and hit a 336 foot 3 run pop up in the 8th inning. As far as those other starts go, fair enough. He didn't pitch well against Tampa Bay, Detroit, or Cleveland the other time he faced them.

But you want to attack him for yesterday's game?

Pettitte has been betrayed by the same difficulty each time: He opens well (five strikeouts of the first seven batters yesterday) and then blows up for an inning in mid-game.

He was not hit hard during the Mets' three-run, bat-around fourth - in fact, Santana was hit harder overall than Pettitte. But Pettitte couldn't find the big out, limit his pitch count (he threw 41 in that inning) or go deep enough to keep Kyle Farnsworth from all but assuring defeat by yielding two homers in the seventh.

He couldn't get the big out. I'm not sure that falls under the job description for pitchers. Let's look at what Wikipedia says about the object of pitching:

"In most cases, the object of a pitch is to deliver the ball to the catcher without allowing the batter to hit the ball. The ball is delivered in such a way that the batter either can't hit a pitch through the strike zone, hits the ball poorly (resulting in a pop fly or ground out), or is fooled into swinging at a pitch outside of the strike zone."

The pitcher's job is to either make the batter swing and miss, or "hit the ball poorly". So, understanding the objective of each pitch, let me paraphrase that last paragraph:

Andy Pettitte did his job during the Mets' three-run, bat-around fourth - in fact, Santana did not do his job as well as Pettitte. But a lot of the weakly hit balls Pettitte induced that inning dropped in front of outfielders or snuck through holes in the infield. That's his fault. Since Pettitte, essentially, had no luck, he was forced to throw a lot more pitches than he should have. And that is also his fault. Because of course, Andy Nostradamus Pettitte knew Kyle Farnsworth would come in and give up a solo and a 2-run home run. He also knew the Yankees hitters would not do their jobs, which is also his fault. Damn you, Andy. How dare you be toast after 6 innings because you did your job well with no luck?

Now, don't you feel like an idiot? Probably not, because you're a moron. Otherwise there wouldn't be a post about you on PWNAGE of Morons.

Santana has not pitched very well, yet is 5-2 and his history - like that of Pettitte - is to excel in the second half. His presence in Yankee Stadium as a winning pitcher, for the Mets, certainly provides Hank Steinbrenner more "told-you-so" ammunition.

Fuck the "told-you-so" crap. It's way too early for that. I don't care how Kennedy and Hughes have been pitching so far. It was still the right call not to trade away the package the Twins were demanding. Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes both ripped through the minors and showed capability of success at the major league level. Remember Phil Hughes' September and postseason last year at age 21?

35.1 IP
24/10 K/BB
2.55 ERA
1.075 WHIP

Anyone remember Ian Kennedy's September last year?

19 IP
15 K/9 BB
1.89 ERA
1.158 WHIP

They are better pitchers than what they've shown so far this year. Part of Kennedy's problem (aside from nibbling too much and not throwing enough strikes) is probably the fact he's not throwing enough sliders. His average fastball's around 89 MPH and his changeup's about 80 MPH. That's not a huge difference. And those two pitches make up about 84% of his pitches. Last year he threw a lot more sliders and he was much more effective that way. Hughes's problem is similar. He's not throwing enough sliders and changeups. A 91 MPH fastball and a 72 MPH 12-to-6 curveball is a nice combo, but not when you do not supplement that duo with your slider and your changeup because it's easy to distinguish those two pitches.

"The decision (not to obtain Santana) for me is not short-term and it is not one vs. the other and it is not to be determined on May 17 or what the kids do vs. Santana by May 17," Cashman said.

But even in the long-term, the decision only will look worse if Pettitte doesn't get a whole lot better.

The long-term has nothing to do with Pettitte, you idiot. The proposed trade did not involve him. He had a player option which he essentially took (declined it first, but that was just to take more time in making his decision). The proposed trade involved Ian Kennedy and/or Phil Hughes. If Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy turn out to be flops, then yes it was a bad decision in both the short-term and the long-term not to trade one or both of them for Santana while their values were high. If they turn out to be as good as they appear they can be, then it was the right decision in the long-term. Pettitte does not enter the equation here.

I hate morons.

Melky!!!!!

2008-05-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have said that I always thought he was capable of hitting around .300 with 20 homers and a decent eye, but I didn't think it'd be this soon! I know it's early, but this could very well continue. He's not showing signs of this being a fluke.

Melky Cabrera (2007)
.291/.359/.505
6 HR
19.5% LD (same as usual)
44.8% GB (about 5-7% lower than usual)
35.6% FB (5% up from last year)
4.0 P/PA (0.3 higher than the last two seasons)
14/12 K/BB

It makes sense. He's seeing more pitches per plate appearance than usual, so he's reacquired and improved upon the patience he showed in 2006. He got to 3 ball counts in 17% of his plate appearances last year and so far this year, he's done it in 22% of his plate appearances. The more patient a hitter you are, the more you'll be swinging at good pitches.

Cano really needs to pick up the pace here. With no A-Rod or Posada in the lineup for a couple weeks, Cano's bat becomes all the more important. He's actually been taking some better swings of late, but he still needs to get comfortable going to left field again. A lot of bad luck and his inability to hit the ball to left with authority helps explain the 200+ actual OPS drop from his PrOPS. I hope he starts heating up soon.

Well I've been sort of right so far

2008-04-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

I never wound up finishing my projections for the whole team, being a fugitive's a bitch when it comes to finding leisure time. Anyway, let's take a look and see who I've been right or wrong on.

First Base: Jason Giambi
Projection:
130 G 550 PA 440 AB 120 H 25 2B 0 3B 33 HR 101 BB 12 HBP 105 K .273/.424/.555

So far:
21 G 83 PA 66 AB 11 H 3 2B 0 3B 5 HR 14 BB 2 HBP 11 K .167/.325/.439

I'm way off on batting average, but his BA/BIP is only .118, and even with the infield shift it will go up. I wish he'd just fucking lay down some bunts so they'll stop doing it. But otherwise, he's doing just about what I expected him to do. His OBA is .151 higher than his BA and I projected .158. His IsoP is .272 and I projected .282. So, with a little luck (and a little less stubbornness about laying down bunts) he'll close the absurd 254 pt gap between his OPS and PrOPS (1.019/.765).

Second Base: Robinson Cano
Projection:
155 G 670 PA 613 AB 199 H 40 2B 4 3B 23 HR 50 BB 7 HBP 73 K .325/.382/.515

So far:
27 G 106 PA 98 AB 15 H 3 2B 0 3B 1 HR 7 BB 1 HBP 12 K .153/.217/.214

Obviously, I'm way off so far except for his walk rate. I projected 7.5% and he's at 6.6% so far. His problem right now is a slow bat. In terms of batted balls, he's hitting line drives and groundballs at the rate you'd expect, but an overly high percentage of his flyballs have been infield flies (20.0%), which only back up the point that his bat's too slow. I'm not worried, though. This guy is simply a slow starter, literally and figuratively. Let's just hope the slow start is shorter than last year's.

Shortstop: Derek Jeter
Projected:
147 G 705 PA 626 AB 209 H 36 2B 2 3B 16 HR 64 BB 13 HBP 103 K .334/.407/.474

So far:
21 G 91 PA 86 AB 24 H 3 2B 2 3B 0 HR 2 BB 1 HBP 6 K .279/.300/.360

Hey, he's met his triples quota for the year! Jeter's also off to a slow start and isn't hitting any of my offensive projections so far, but it ain't time to press the panic button yet. However, he is putting up a very good ZR at short like I predicted he would (.846 with 9 plays OOZ). So let's hope his bat starts catching up with his glove.

Third Base: Alex Rodriguez
Projected:
158 G 700 PA 592 AB 180 H 27 2B 0 3B 45 HR 91 BB 17 HBP 124 K .304/.411/.578

So far:
24 G 99 PA 91 AB 26 H 7 2B 0 3B 4 HR 6 BB 2 HBP 19 K .286/.343/.495

He's off to sort of a slow start, but overall not bad. He's not walking as much as I predicted yet but his strikeout rate's the same, and he's only slightly down on power from what I projected (.274 IsoP projected versus .209 actual). He'll climb back up.

Left Field: Johnny Damon
Projected:
145 G 620 PA 555 AB 158 H 31 2B 1 3B 14 HR 62 BB 3 HBP 78 K .285/.360/.420

So far:
26 G 110 PA 91 AB 25 H 9 2B 1 3B 3 HR 16 BB 0 HBP 16 K .275/.380/.495

Very solid so far. He's been hitting a lot more balls in the air than usual, so obviously don't expect that .220 IsoP to last. Generally, 45% of his batted balls are grounders and he's only been hitting 36.8% on the ground. I also don't expect him to keep walking as much as he is. Last year he walked a lot for the first couple months, then he started hitting his way on base a lot more in the second half. But I like what I've seen so far and I expect him to put up a fine offensive season.

Center Field: Melky Cabrera
Projected:
150 G 620 PA 561 AB 162 H 30 2B 6 3B 9 HR 55 BB 4 HBP 66 K .289/.356/.412

So far:
25 G 96 PA 83 AB 24 H 2 2B 0 3B 5 HR 10 BB 0 HBP 13 K .289/.358/.494

Pretty much right on except I did not see him having this kind of home run output. But then again, it's April. Home runs and their bunches.

Right Field: Bobby Abreu
Projected:
158 G 700 PA 609 AB 178 H 43 2B 2 3B 19 HR 91 BB 3 HBP 121 K .292/.387/.463

So far:
26 G 107 PA 100 AB 28 H 4 2B 1 3B 3 HR 7 BB 0 HBP 23 K .280/.327/.430

He's also right around what I'd expect. The walks are down so far, but he's still seeing 4.2 pitches/plate appearance, so the walks will start coming and his OBA will go up. The average and power are slightly down, but pretty much right around where I expect them to be.

Hopefully the guys who I'm off on revert to my predictions and those who are to continue on their present paths.

Hey, at least he's consistently inconsistent

2008-04-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Dustin Pedroia (home/away)
.365/.404/.558
.288/.338/.356

I love it.

By the way, this guy is a dead pull hitter. He opens up on everything. Throw him fastballs away and then own him Phil Hughes style with breaking balls in. Do that for a month, and even Fenway won't save this midget dipshit.

What should happen to the Boston asshat who dug the David Ortiz jersey into the ground at the new Yankee Stadium...

2008-04-14T12:41:00.001-07:00

Words are not necessary...

A brilliant AIM conversation

2008-04-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

B.A. Baracus: I had to put the game on mute several times.
B.A.'s friend: lol Joe Morgan get to you?
B.A. Baracus: Between Jon Miller, Joe Morgan, and Peter Gammons jerking AND sucking off the Red Sox incessantly, the Fenway morons chanting "Yankees suck!!!" after anything, and the chant of "YOUUUUUUUUK" after ANY play he's involved in...I wanted to steal an F-18 fighter jet, have the Yankees and whatever Yankees fans present evacuate Boston, distract the Red Sox and their fans by showing slow motion locker room shower scenes of Jonathan Papelbon Irish stepdancing with "Sweet Caroline" playing, and use Fenway as a testing facility for Scorpion missiles.

Just B.A. telling you how he feels.

Baseball Perfection

2008-04-11T19:18:00.001-07:00

27 up. 27 down.

How close we came to seeing just that tonight. Baseball perfection. A pitching line with zeroes everywhere but Innings Pitched and K's. A baseball ideal so elusive that many of the finest pitchers in the history of the game have never done it. Most have sniffed it, but few have stood on the mound and watched the last out secured in a glove, knowing that they have accomplished the single most difficult task in any sporting event.

Chien-Ming Wang almost did. And he almost did it against the Boston Red Sox.

Everything you saw at the plate on TV tonight - the speed, movement and location of every pitch; the timing, plane, angle, and mechanics of every Boston hitter's swing - met the unknowable and ever-changing prerequisite for baseball perfection...tonight.

To most this isn't something that can be readily clear. In any brush with baseball perfection, there are close calls. Whether it's a running catch in the gap by Paul O'Neill, a rangy play by Chuck Knoblauch that is capped off by a (surprisingly) accurate throw, or Ricky Ledee finding a fly ball a few feet in front of his face and making a reactive basket catch, there are always close calls. Whether it's a blown call by a base umpire awarding an out where the runner ties, there's just that little bit of luck that makes the difference between perfection and imperfection, however otherwise good it may be.

As Chien-Ming Wang's 9th inning sinker dove away from the sweet spot of Julio Lugo's bat, forcing a groundball to shortstop Alberto Gonzalez, realize that in another time, another place, baseball perfection comes to a head here. The anticipatory roar of the crowd as it glimpses across a field into the rarest of treasures. As Gonzalez fields the ball and throws across the diamond. As Jason Giambi stretches across the bag and hauls in the throw with the backhand of his glove, and like a wave cascading down, Wang's teammates descend upon the mound filled with the joy of something even they are awed to see.

The way it could have been.

And that is because perfection is not perfection in a pitching sense. Perfect pitches sometimes get hit, and bad pitches sometimes go unpunished. Yankee outfielders made several plays with their backs to the wall. There were several line drives hit to the outfielders as well, balls that could have sunk and fell for hits, but stayed up. And this is all part of the luck that makes baseball perfection so unattainable for even the finest pitchers. But tonight, you witnessed baseball perfection. It didn't happen, but it was here. It was in the building. Alex Rodriguez dives for Dustin Pedroia's one hopper, comes to his feet quickly, and fires an accurate throw to first to nail the runner in time. Bobby Abreu leaps at the wall and spears the JD Drew flyball, bringing it down safely within the confines of the outfield wall. And Coco Crisp never comes to bat. Never thinks of bunting. Because he is stranded on deck as Lugo is thrown out by a stride.

Baseball perfection. Wang was this close. You were this close.

And it would have ended with a routine groundout to the shortstop.

Yahoo! Sports writers are a bunch of ignorant dipshits

2008-03-29T16:57:00.001-07:00

Imbecility at its best.

All three are considered experts. All three predict the Yankees to miss the postseason. Let's just look at Steve Henson, because he basically says the same thing the other idiots say.

Steve Henson

AL East Predictions
Boston Red Sox 96-66
NY Yankees 92-70
Toronto Blue Jays 86-76
Tampa Bay Rays 72-90
Baltimore Orioles 70-92

Description: Late March adventures in the Tokyo Dome and the L.A. Coliseum might cause the Red Sox to start slow, but this is one of the best rosters in recent memory. Better than the Yankees, who are counting heavily on young pitchers and aging position players, and the Blue Jays, whose team doctor should be MVP if they win the division. The Rays are improving but are still middle-school level to the Red Sox graduate students.

Time for a player comparisons at each position:

First Base: Kevin Youkilis vs. Jason Giambi
Yeah...great, you masturbate to Youkilis' .390 OBA, but he has weak power for a first baseman and he's 29. He's not going to get any better. He'll probably go .290/.390/.450 again this year. Jason Giambi, however, is in a contract year and he came back in shape. The last time Giambi came back from a very injury-prone season was for 2005, and he racked up 32 HR and a league-leading .440 OBA. If Giambi can do anything like that, he'll be much more valuable than Kevin Youkilis offensively. A healthy Giambi can pass at first base. Youkilis has Giambi in that, but it won't make up the offensive difference. Edge: Yankees

Second Base: Dustin Pedroia vs. Robinson Cano
There's no debate in this. Robinson Cano can bomb a ball further the other way than Pedroia can pull a ball with a hurricane behind it. Not to mention, Cano is much less influenced by ballpark (.866 home OPS vs. .816 road OPS) than that lilliputian stumpy sack of feces (.912 home OPS vs. .729 road OPS). And defensively, Cano is one of the best in the league (.846 ZR) and Pedroia is alright (.833). Edge: Yankees

Shortstop: Julio Lugo vs. Derek Jeter
Jeter was awful defensively last year, exacerbated by a knee injury, but he worked a lot on agility this year and he looks much better ranging to his left this year. So expect Jeter to shut up his defensive critics this season with a solid ZR. Lugo's alright defensively (.822 ZR), but nothing fantastic. Offensively, there's no contest. Lugo's a career .273/.334/.395 hitter, Jeter's a career .317/.388/.462 hitter. Edge: Yankees

Third Base: Mike Lowell vs. Alex Rodriguez
Here's all I have to say: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA A-Rod in Yellowstone could outhit Mike Lowell in my backyard wiffle ball stadium. Edge: Yankees

Catcher: Jason Varitek vs. Jorge Posada
Even with Jorge Posada dropping off the way we all expect him to (probably to his typical career numbers of .277/.381/.479), he'll still be better than Varitek, whose 36 year old campaign has gotten off to a God-awful looking start. And please don't give me that shit about Varitek having these great intangibles that make the pitching staff better...Edge: Yankees

Left Field: Manny Ramirez vs. Johnny Damon
Looks like the Red Sox finally win a position. Manny Ramirez is 36 years old, and his days of .300+/.400+/.600+ are over, but he'll probably hit around what he did last year or a little better. Johnny Damon will probably hit around .285/.360/.420 like I predicted here
and Damon's defense isn't going to make up the difference. Edge: Red Sox

Center Field: Jacoby Ellsbury/Coco Crisp vs. Melky Cabrera
This is an interesting one. Jacoby Ellsbury is not Willie Mays like all of Red Sox Mastur-Bation thinks he is, but he'll be a serviceable centerfielder with a lot of speed. In AAA, he hit .298/.360/.380. He'll put up about a 1.5 K/BB ratio and hit for a solid average at the MLB-level, but he suffers from a big lack of power and overall, just doesn't hit the ball very hard when you watch him. Melky Cabrera's season didn't look all that great last year, but so far in his career, he's put up a 1.3 K/BB ratio, and over a 90 game stretch last year, boasted a line of .325/.372/.474 over a 90 game stretch from June through the beginning of September. I'm not naive enough to think he can put that up for a whole season (at least not yet), but I think Melky will put up the numbers I projected here. Overall, those hot streaks will get longer and those dry spells will shorten up. Edge: even

Right Field: JD Drew vs. Bobby Abreu
JD Drew will probably bounce back to some extent from last year. However, so will Bobby Abreu. Once he was healthy in June, he went .309/.396/.520 for the rest of the year. Overall, I think Abreu will be better than Drew, but I'll be generous and say it'll be pretty even. Edge: even

Designated Hitter: David Ortiz vs. Hideki Matsui
Don't need to do much analysis to figure out this one. Ortiz will outperform Matsui handily, but Matsui will still hit his 20-25 home runs and hit around .300/.370/.480. Edge: Red Sox

One of the best rosters in history? The Yankees have the Red Sox beat at all positions except Left Field and DH.

Ohhhh, right...that divine starting rotation and bullpen that can do no wrong...

Starting Rotation: Josh Beckett, Tim Wakefield, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Clay Buchholz
vs. Chien-Ming Wang, Andy Pettitte, Phil Hughes, Mike Mussina, Ian Kennedy
Is the Red Sox rotation really astronomically better than the Yankees rotation? Beckett went on the Jon Miller/Billy Joel bacon fat-red wine combo diet in the offseason and anyone who thinks he's going to duplicate last year is out of their minds. Tim Wakefield? He is a league average pitcher at best. Jon Lester is going to be 1999 Andy Pettitte. Daisuke Matsuzaka is going to be Johan Santana against bad teams, Kei Igawa against good teams. Clay Buchholz, by all accounts, looks to be very good, but like Joba Chamberlain, is going to be limited in his pitches and innings this year.

Chien-Ming Wang and Andy Pettitte will both put up 400+ innings of 4.00 ERA or better. Phil Hughes is healthy and even with much less than his best stuff last year put up a league average ERA. Mike Mussina is in better shape this year and his fastball is hitting 88-90, which is enough for him to put up 180 innings or so of about an average ERA. Ian Kennedy had a great spring, showing good command of his fastball and changeup. His breaking ball needs some work, but over the course of the season he'll get it right. I think he's going to have a very good rookie year. I don't think you can honestly say after going through the rotation pitcher by pitcher that the Red Sox are better. Yankees have 2 shoo-ins for 400+ solid innings, some great upside in the 3 and 5 slots, and average pitching from the 4 slot. Edge: Yankees

Bullpen
This is where it's fair to say that the Red Sox might have an edge, but not by much. It was one outing, but Papsmear showed he really does not have much of an arsenal. All he does is throw fastballs and an occasional splitter. Everyone knows what's coming. He is going to start getting hit more this year. Okajima is solid, but he came back to earth in the second half, so expect to see numbers close to his 2nd half as opposed to his 1st. Delcarmen's not that great, and even if he does repeat last year, he's only going to pitch around 45 innings. Timlin's solid but he's old. Javier Lopez isn't that good. Kyle Snyder sucks.

Mariano Rivera is 38, but he'll still be the very good to excellent closer that he is. Joba Chamberlain in the set-up role, at least for the beginning of the season, is going to be great. Ross Ohlendorf has good stuff. Who knows what the Yankees will get out of Bruney, Farnsworth, etc. but overall, the Yankees bullpen will be passable. Edge: Red Sox/even

Best roster in recent memory? How can you possibly say that you fucking jerkoff? The entire Yankees infield is way better than the Red Sox, the Yankees rotation is better. You braindead schmucks probably get a little too excited from watching the post-game shower scenes from the Red Sox locker room last October. Stick to Pedroia's David Ortiz porn and your right hand instead of writing turds like this when you want to gratify yourself.

Thank God Joe Torre is gone

2008-03-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

As you know from my posts from earlier in the season, I didn't like Torre as a manager. On the other hand, I love Joe Girardi. It feels good to have a manager who's intelligent.

Joe Torre is going to destroy the LA Dodgers this year. Let's prove it.

Who should be the starting left-fielder?

Choice #1
25 year old
.295/.357/.464
108 OPS+
.280 eqA

Choice #2
30 year old
.301/.348/.374
84 OPS+ (75 last year)
.256 eqA

Joe Torre: I like choice #2. No question. He's an old school type player, which I appreciate. He runs fast. He steals lots of bases. He's exciting, no question. He has experience. He does things the right way.
B.A.: So Juan Pierre's better than Andre Ethier?
Joe Torre: Yes.
B.A.: Man, are the Dodgers going to have some fun this year...and Scott Proctor's right arm will have to be amputated...
Joe Torre (brightly smiles): Scott Proctor's on my team???
B.A.: Oh God help us all...

Speaking of the bullpen, let's take a look at how well Torre has managed it from 2004 onward.

2004
Paul Quantrill - 86 appearances, 95.1 IP
EIGHTY SIX APPEARANCES. Jesus, I don't think even Jack took as bad a beating in China as Quantrill's arm did in Torre's bullpen.
Tom Gordon - 80 appearances, 89.2 IP
Two relievers with over 80 appearances. That's horrendous.

2005
Tom Gordon - 79 appearances, 80.2 IP
Hey, we're getting better!!!

2006
Scott Proctor - 83 appearances, 102.1 IP
Holy shitballs...

2007
Luis Vizcaino - 77 appearances, 75.1 IP
Scott Proctor (before Betemit trade) - 52 appearances, on pace for about 75-80 for full season

And this is just an indication of him overworking the bullpen...we could go all night talking about his timing and his bullpen choices.

Oh yeah...

Let's do another B.A. type analysis here. Who should be your starting third baseman?

Choice #1
24 year old
.295/.376/.525 in minors
.322/.400/.550 and .309/.399/.589 at AAA at ages 22-23

Choice #2
soon to be 35 year old
hasn't played over 120 games in 5 years
boasted an Ecksteinian .700 OPS last year
experienced

Joe Torre: Oh choice #2, no question. He's my third baseman. He's got experience. That's all that counts. He knows how to win. He plays the game the right way.
B.A.: So you like Nomar Garciappara as your starting third baseman as opposed to Andy LaRoche?
Joe Torre: No question. There's no question.

(Note: B.A. knows that LaRoche tore a ligament in his thumb and will be out until May. Torre was thinking this BEFORE the injury.)

Well, as far as Ned Colletti is concerned, I think there will be a question he'll be asking himself:

WHY AM I PAYING THIS MAN $13 MILLION OVER THE NEXT 3 YEARS?

Posts That Will Make Ya Face Go Smile

2008-03-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

For your viewing enjoyment...3 types of skid marks (the ones in ya underwear not the ones on tha streets) that need they asses PWNT, and got so done making y'all SMILE...

From River Avenue Blues

After Hank Steinbrenner criticized Red Sox Nation in The Times’ Play magazine a few weeks ago, Papelbon railed into Hank. “I don’t know if he’s trying to stir things up or not,” the Bosox closer said. “I sure as hell don’t care, because he sure as hell hasn’t stepped on a baseball field. He needs to just stick to pencil-pushing, I guess.”

Now from the Yankees group...

haha hank steinbrenner makes more in a day than this fucking shitsniffing faggot will make all season. he can shut his fucking bug eyed guppy fish face and go drown in an ocean of his own tears.

ESPN is living proof that people who've "stepped on" a baseball field don't always know what they're doing / talking about. now that i think about it, looks like papelbon is auditioning for a spot taking it up the ass from steve phillips on the Eternally Sucking Papidick Network...

fuck papelbon, i'm going to enjoy watching every first pitch fastball he throws get crushed over the outfield wall now that thanks to the WS everyone knows whats coming, and im REALLY going to enjoy that brown streak running down his baseball pants when it happens. this little bitch isn't even worthy to lick any loose smegma off mariano rivera's jockstrap...as far as i care, he can shove his nose in shit, and see if it makes him feel any smarter when he comes up for air and gets some oxygen back in that fucking 10 cent hollow noggin of his...

PWND!

Then, after Dustin Pedroia cried about playing all playoffs with a hairline fracture in one of his wrists, undoubtedly incurred while masturbating to David Ortiz porn:

oh boohoo he had a hairline fracture on his BOTTOM hand...play your whole career with no knee cartilage like mickey mantle and still get into the fucking hall of fame and then you can talk you midget sack of shit. go have an orgyfuck with jason blake and make midget babies so we can kill them and come up with more dead baby jokes for the internet, you fucking dwarf

PWND!

In response to some Red Sox fans bragging about fantasy baseball (Thank you oLeariousness for this one...)

let me just remind you. i don't respect any of you red sox fans. you're a bunch of faggots, and i hope that your little papelboner pops off in his faggot ass.

you're city is a disgrace, you're all disgraces, and we're going to smack you're little pussies around the same way i did to all your girlfriends and sisters last night. you're a bunch of faggots, and try the whole "defending champs" shit against us, cause if you wanna live in the past, then we'll say 26. eat shit, keep coloring your socks and pretending you have papercuts, and kiss my nuts. fuck all of you and prepare to fucking lose.

PWND!

Red Sox-Yankees!!! 2008!!! WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

2008-03-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

You might remember some of this stuff from the summer. However, I'm going to change it up a bit. Y'all are in for a real treat! In the booth, we have Joe Morgan, Tim McCarver, and Peter Gammons! And of course...Smart Stat Guy in the Back.

In the top of the first inning
Joe Morgan: Alright, let's get underway! Red Sox-Yankees at Yankee Stadium! Doesn't get any better than this. Leading off is Dustin Pedroia to face Andy Pettitte.
Tim McCarver: I don't think anyone embodies attitude of the Red Sox more than Dustin Pedroia. He's a little man, but he's huge at heart. The little, big man. He literally scrapes and claws his way to success, just like the Red Sox always do. He's an everyman, just like the rest of the team and all of their loyal fans.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: (on the phone) Can I get the janitor in here right away? I just puked.
Joe Morgan: I couldn't agree with you more, Jon.
Tim McCarver: Tim.
Joe Morgan: Right. Thanks, Jon. What do you think, Peter?
Peter Gammons: Jim Rice is a Hall of Famer.
Joe Morgan: My thoughts exactly, Peter.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Though it has been tough for Dustin, and the entire Red Sox team, since Jack Bauer, formerly of the Los Angeles CTU, was apparently bored with no terrorists to castrate and proceded to use the Green Monster and the John Hancock sign as bazooka target practice. The Red Sox have been forced to play in Yellowstone as their home field. The offense has suffered, particularly Dustin and his interstate batting and slugging average-
Joe Morgan: You be quiet! Anyway, here's the pitch...
(Pedroia loads up...his bat wrapped so far behind him it's over his front shoulder, then let's loose...with all his might...as Pettitte releases his cutter...)
Joe Morgan: And Dustin really gets a hold of one! Man, I didn't know such a little guy like him could have so much pop!
(It's a pop-up that A-Rod catches just in front of the Red Sox dugout.)
Bob Sheppard: (takes a swig of whiskey) Sorry, Dustin...those balls do not go out of play...at Yankee Stadium. And just to remind you...Fenway Park...is now gone. Sit down...you lilliputian...piece of shit.
(Pedroia cries for the first time, tonight.)

In the bottom of the first
Tim McCarver: Well, so far this inning. We've seen Damon flyout, Jeter double, and Abreu walk. You almost never see Josh Beckett in trouble. He's a tough man to fluster. He's got such a great fastball. He's got such a great beard. His hair is so well-kempt. He-
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: has a huge penis...
Tim McCarver: How'd you know I was gonna say that?
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Hunch...
Joe Morgan: Wow, our stat guy here is quite bulimic, wouldn't you agree, Peter?
Peter Gammons: Jim Rice is a Hall of Famer.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: What and What?!
Peter Gammons: Rob Neyer's a meanie for not voting for Jim Rice!
Joe Morgan: Why you can read minds, right? That means you're bulimic. You see I have an extensive vocabulary. You see, I learned that...in a book. Here's the 2-0 pitch to A-Rod...
(A-Rod sends Beckett's fastball to Burnside Avenue.)
Tim McCarver: And man, did A-Rod show some bulimia there! Beckett practically told him what was coming!
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: It's actually fun to watch 3 idiots call a game. For a little while, that is....
Josh Beckett: Maybe I shouldn't have spent my entire offseason eating full racks of ribs and drinking Milwaukee's Best...

In the bottom of the second inning
Joe Morgan: And it looks like Josh Beckett's night is done. He's given up a grand slam to Derek Jeter, a three run homer to Robinson Cano, a two run homer to Melky Cabrera, and then a solo shot by Johnny Damon in this inning alone.

In the bottom of the second inning (1 hour later)
Tim McCarver: Well, Francona's calling for Javier Lopez, the last pitcher in his bullpen, to try and finish this inning. Robinson Cano has already hit three home runs this inning, Derek Jeter and A-Rod both have two, and Shelley Duncan has hit one of his own as well since Beckett's been pulled. There really isn't much to be said except that-
Peter Gammons: Jim Rice is a Hall of Famer.

In the bottom of the second inning (2 hours later)
Joe Morgan: It looks like their right fielder is coming in to pitch. Who is that guy?
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: JD Drew.
Joe Morgan: I've never heard of him. He's on the Red Sox? I always thought the Red Sox were Papelbon, Schilling, Beckett, DiceK, Manny, Papi, Pedroia, Varitek, Papelbon, Nomar, Pedro, Papelbon, Damon, Manny, Pedroia, and Papi.
Peter Gammons: And Jim Rice.
Joe Morgan: Oh yeah, him too. And Papi.

In the bottom of the second inning (3 hours later)
Tim McCarver: There's a groundball to Pedroia...it might FINALLY be over! The poor Red Sox may have FINALLY overcome the great odds that are always stacked against them. Now watch Pedroia overcome such a detrimental lack of size as he fields that heavy, heavy five ounce ball. Uh oh, he's bobbling, no he's got it! Now, here comes the throw! Oh look at him wind up for that 35 foot throw! And he launches it!
(Throw shorthops Youkilis who cannot scoop it, Giambi has reached base. The Yankees score again. Pedroia cries for the second time, tonight.)

In the top of the fifth inning
Joe Morgan: Well here's Mike Lowell, hoping to break up Pettitte's perfect game. Mike Lowell may only be hitting .062, but he's still an amazing hitter. And he's clutch. You can hit .300 and be bad. But if you hit .062 and you're clutch, I'll take you anyday. Here's the pitch.
(Lowell makes contact. Translation: Lowell hits a lazy flyball to left field. Damon camps under it and makes the catch.)
Mike Lowell: Theo, this wasn't a part of our deal! I can't be expected to hit well in a ballpark of normal dimensions!
Dustin Pedroia: I know, right?! It's not faaaaaaiiiiirrrrrrrrrr!!!
(Dustin cries for the third time, tonight.)

In the bottom of the fifth
Joe Morgan: Well, it's looking like there will be no bottom of the fifth inning. They're calling the mercy rule! The Yankees are leading by 3,000 runs, so they get to win. That's cheating in my opinion, not giving the Red Sox a chance to overcome the odds. Don't you agree, Tim?
Tim McCarver: I totally agree, Joe. The poor Red Sox are being robbed of a win against the Evil Umpire Yankees. What's your take, Peter?
Peter Gammons: Jim Rice is a Hall of Famer.
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: I disagree.
Peter Gammons: Why???? Because he doesn't have a great OPS??? Because his stats aren't good enough??? Because he wasn't consistently dominant for a long enough time???
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Ummmm...yeah.
Peter Gammons: You and Rob Neyer and...your stat stuff! I don't care that his career OPS is comparable to Ellis Burks! He was in the top 5 in MVP balloting 6 times!
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: David Cone made the top 5 in Cy Young balloting 4 times and was 6th once. Is he a Hall of Famer?
Peter Gammons: No, never, no way. No chance in hell. His career ERA is only 3.46 and he only won 194 games in his career. He wasn't consistently dominant for long enough. His-
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: Stats aren't good enough? I thought you didn't care about stats?
Peter Gammons (stammering): Yeah, but...but...stats and OPS don't define Jimmy Ricecakes. He transcends all stats and numbers. He's a Hall of Famer. But he's never going to make it because of all you stat meanies! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smart Stat Guy in the Back: I'm outta here. Time to go find that hot bartender for some more free drinks. I'd take the electric chair over listening to 2 idiots and Jim Rice's boyfriend.

More of B.A.'s wiseassin'

2008-03-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

MESA, Ariz. – Second was always home for Alfonso Soriano. Only grudgingly did he give it up.

Now, the issue is second again. But this time it’s not about relinquishing his defensive position – which he did two years ago after much grumbling as a Washington National – it’s about sliding down in the Chicago Cubs’ batting order from first to second.

Well, if you're a fan of any team he plays for, you would prefer not to have a second baseman who' put up -41 FRAA and usually bottom of the league zone rating at second base.

As far as him moving from leadoff to second...it still sucks, but it's an improvement. Like going from dry heaves to actually puking. By batting a true leadoff hitter in front of him, he'd still be a waste, but at least some of those previously solo home runs would become 2 run homers.

“Every year it’s something,” Soriano said after three hitless at-bats from the two-hole Tuesday against the Kansas City Royals. “But the most important thing is that I love this game, and I’ll do whatever they say.”

In weaker moments Soriano has admitted he’d rather be leading off, and third baseman Aramis Ramirez might have been speaking on his teammate’s behalf when he reminded reporters, “We made the playoffs with him batting leadoff.”

And the 2000 Yankees won the World Series with David Cone's 6.91 ERA.

Manager Lou Piniella continues to wrestle with the move, which would entail bumping Ryan Theriot from second to leadoff. This is the same Piniella who greeted the long-term signing of Soriano before the 2007 season by saying, “We are talking about the best leadoff hitter in all of baseball.”

Piniella's quote was taken out of context. He prefaced that by saying, "In my opinion, leadoff hitters should have lots of power, swing at everything, and strike out all the time." As my teacher wrote for every problem she graded on my tests, "wrong but consistent".

Paul Daugherty, Step Right Up Into the Bay of Pins, Needles, and Swinging Axes...

2008-03-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

Time to stir up the pot for the latest genius to come along...

And to think, I'm not even a stathead, but this is downright dumb:

Baker judges by his senses
Knowing what makes his players tick more important than their stats

The best baseball managing is done by the seat of your pants, using good, old-fashioned, pre-sabermetric logic. That's another reason to like Dusty Baker. (Beyond his knowledge of single-malt Scotches and Van Morrison lyrics, which is merely astounding and downright Renaissance.) If Baker manages by a book, it's one inside his head, not one written by Bill James.

Just because the man enjoys Scotch and Van Morrison does not mean he is good at his job, unless his job is to like Scotch and Van Morrison. And our regular Shakespeare here has seen completely fit to unPROFF everything here, by jumping from sentence to sentence via the "leap of faith" repeatedly, and scribbling down broad, sweeping generalizations and opinions as fast as I'm refuting them.

The other day, the Reds manager decided he wanted Joey Votto and Adam Dunn to swing their bats more. "I don't like called third strikes," Baker said.

Ah. Sitting around one day, and in one of those, "You know what I hate?" moments, he thought of "third strikes." I wish we could all aspire to such greatness. Imagine if we all did this. What might happen?
-"You know what? Wiping your ass after taking a shit is overrated."
-"You know what sucks? Having to use a condom when you fuck a prostitute."
-"You know what I think? I'm going to start driving on the left side of the road."

Please do...Stoopit, no?

Can we get an Amen?

No...and this article is about sports, not religion, anyway...

It always amuses when fans defend heart-of-the-order hitters by pointing to their on-base percentage. Wow, look at all those walks.

Actually, most people don't do that. They point to impressive home run and RBI totals when defending heart-of-the-order hitters. Walks are an afterthought.

Unless they're intentional walks, or the big boppers are being pitched around, walks aren't what you want from players hitting third through sixth. You want them up there smart-hacking.

Yes, you want them smart hacking, which if you take that word apart means "hacking at pitches, but being smart about it." That means taking walks when they are given.

As Baker said: "(Votto) needs to swing more. I'd like to see him more aggressive."

WORD. TRUTH. Dusty Mothafuckin' Baker has spoken. All this, mind you, because of Dusty Baker's Final Destination like premonition that if Joey Votto and Adam Dunn don't start swinging more, the whole team is going to die tragically in a spelunking accident involving a Sea-Doo watercraft and a poisonous stash of raisins. So looks like they'd better start swinging.

By-the-book managing is for men who aren't confident in their ability to read players and situations. It's for managers who don't know their players' personalities. It's what you do so you can say later, after it backfires: "Don't blame me. I went by the book."

Oh, Paul Daugherty. You're so rebellious, fucking convention up the ass like that. Convention exists because it is the best available knowledge at the current time, just as past convention represented best available knowledge at THAT time. Attacking managers who use the best they've got is pointless. If you want a radical bomb-throwing hippie pet-hugging environmentalist to be your team's manager, please just say so and spare us all the bullshit. There are times to go by the book (read: MOST TIMES), and there are times to throw convention out the window. A good manager knows when to do both, not just one or the other.

The best thing about Baker is that from all accounts, it's important to him to know his players individually: what jazzes them, what scares them, the situations that best suit their talents and temperaments. Contrary to the notions of the seamheads and stat freaks, players are not numbers.

Hmm. A good paragraph. I almost dropped the bottle of Hawaiian Punch I was holding ALL over my computer thanks to you for this. However, this is not unique to Baker. This is true of every good manager at anything ever.

"Managing" means exactly what it says: the ability to manage people. How Baker runs a game strategically is far less important than what he is able to pull from his employees, 162 times a summer.

"Managing" means the ability to manage EVERYTHING: people (players, media, ownership), games, results, schedules and itinerary, disputes, etc. Furthermore, how Baker runs a game strategically is VERY important. It ties to "what he is able to pull from his employees, 162 times a summer." But what isn't said here is it also has to do with what he is able to pull from his employees NEXT summer, and the summer after.

Just ask the Cubs how significant it was to their franchise's future that Baker decided to leave Mark Prior and Kerry Wood in routinely for 120 pitch outings back in 2003, once their arms started falling off in later seasons. Or how he overworked certain relievers who had to be replaced. Subjecting pitchers to consistent overuse is not a good way to win a game - the tired pitcher will make mistakes. It's also a poor strategy if you're trying to win a World Series, and it won't help you build anything that lasts longer than a Florida Marlins championship team.

Anyone with a laptop can locate the Web site baseball- reference.com and sound like an expert. Anyone with a library card can pick up one of James' mind-numbing baseball "abstracts," in which the author makes the game sound like a first cousin to biomechanical engineering.

Not true at all. An idiot will sound like an idiot no matter what. Even when they're right, and have the facts to back it up. Citing all the stats in the world doesn't mean shit if YOU don't know what they mean. Come to think of it, "idiot" pretty much describes this entire article perfectly to a T. And if someone comes along talking fucking jibberish like "biomechanical engineering," they will immediately lose the interest of anyone within earshot, rendering their opinions completely useless because no one would give a shit. Which doesn't happen, because baseball goes on, year after year, so SOMEbody's opinions are getting through...

It ain't that scientific.

No, it isn't. But knowing the stats can't hurt. So I don't know what you're trying to prove. Should we go back to the dark ages of not knowing anything, and just deciding how good of a hitter someone is by watching their dry swings and looking at their physique?

The NFL does the same thing, in a different fashion. To convince you that pro football is actually a 17-week MENSA convention, The League whips out its 800-page playbooks and offers up oh-so-serious coaches who work 20 hours a day and act as if their jobs involve brain surgery and a red telephone.

Dramatic, but wrong. Complicated playbooks have nothing to do with stats, only this country's disturbing tendencies to masturbate to pictures of John Madden holding a microphone.

Possibly, it's less complex. Block. Tackle. Win.

Block = 0 points in football. Tackle = 0 points in football. SO YOU CAN'T WIN by blocking and tackling. You have to throw, catch, run, and kick too.

Baseball can be reduced to similar building blocks, if needed for a National Retard Convention: pitch, catch, hit, throw, run. WEEE!!! What did I just prove? Nothing. That doesn't mean SHIT if you don't know *how* to pitch, catch, hit, throw, and run. And if you're managing, you need to know how every one of your players pitches, catches, hits, throws, and runs.

Baseball's cerebral side involves numbers. While I believe in baseball-card wisdom - you are who the back of your card says you are - it's just a little piece of the whole. When some of us (OK, me mostly) advocated dealing, say, Votto and Homer Bailey for Oakland pitcher Joe Blanton, the Statboys came out flame-throwing numbers:

Blanton's a creation of his spacious home ballpark! Look at his ERA, home and away! Blanton's a flyball pitcher! Check out his ratio of groundballs to flies!

If you shot back that Blanton has won 42 times in the last three years - and that he went 7-5 at home last year and 7-5 on the road - if you suggested that no number matters but Games Won, you were dismissed as an illiterate.

(Actually, maybe Blanton won as many on the road as at home, even with a much higher road ERA, because Oakland's hitters worked under the same conditions as their pitcher. Allow more runs, score more runs. And factually, flyball man Blanton gave up only 16 home runs in 230 innings last year. But never mind.)

These are all stupid-ass ESPN type arguments. NONE of these are relevant to why you would never trade Votto and Homer Bailey for Blanton. I'm not even bother going to respond to this, because the arguments from the "statheads" quoted here are stupid, and his arguments are quite possibly even dumber. Blanton is a decent middle rotation pitcher. Nothing more. His stuff is mediocre. He doesn't have any particular dominant "out pitch," and he's one of those guys who has to rely on guile and location to get outs by missing the fat part of the bat. He does, however, have outstanding pitching endurance. But regardless of his stats, which (amazingly) back up everything I just said, he is not worth losing both Votto and Bailey.

Votto is a big first baseman who enters the majors with a Nick Swisher like reputation for power and patience. However, Votto also has speed, and makes use of a short compact swing, which allowed him to maintain high batting averages in the minors. He projects as a true impact hitter. The weak spot in Votto's game is defense, something he has been working to improve, and made strides in. Votto takes the game seriously, and has a tremendous work ethic. These are the types of players that are most valuable as prospects, because their hard work means they will likely reach their peaks.

Meanwhile, Bailey is a raw prospect, but one that has #1 ace potential. His fastball is 95-96 miles per hour, and when his mechanics are right, he has a very devastating, tight curveball. He also has a changeup, but it is far from polished. Bailey struggles with suspect control at times, and will occasionally hang his curve. Since he is young, his pitching endurance as of yet is untested (especially compared to the innings eater Blanton), meaning that he doesn't pitch a lot of innings per game, or per season. However, if Bailey puts it all together, and eases into a Major League workload, he could be one heck of a pitcher.

Those are *MY* scouting reports. Still think Votto and Bailey for the proven but only marginally above average Blanton is such a great deal?

Numbers are fun to look at but dangerous to dwell on. Baker understands this. If Dunn walks 30 fewer times this year, he'll drive in 15 more runs. His on-base percentage will dip. Oh, no.

If Dunn walks 30 fewer times this year, HE will drive in 15 more runs. Meanwhile, his teammates will drive in 20 fewer runs because he isn't on base, or because he ended innings with teammates on base.

If Votto takes fewer first-pitch strikes, his run production will improve.

But if he swings at more first-pitch balls, his run production will DISimprove, and he will get himself out easily a few times swinging at the first pitch. Plus go back to the second thing I said to Paul: "Our regular Shakespeare here has seen completely fit to unPROFF everything here, by jumping from sentence to sentence via the 'leap of faith' repeatedly, and scribbling down broad, sweeping generalizations and opinions as fast as I'm refuting them."

Still true...just pointing that out...

And so on. Here's a stat: Wins as manager: Dusty Baker, 1,162; Bill James, 0.

Here's another stat, and one that is far more telling given that James has never managed a game in his life: Douggy Bombs, 1; Paul Daugherty, 0.

So far, 337,615,886 people realize that Homer Bailey better hope Dusty Baker wakes up one day and thinks, "You know what I'm sick of? Pitchers staying in games too long and blowing out their arms."

However, judging from past history that's not likely...

_______________________________________________________________________

Douggy Bombs' Inadvertent Greatest Clean Anti New England Rant Ever

2008-03-09T03:51:00.001-07:00

No Douggy F-Bombs didn't give up cursing for Lent...

He didn't give up anything for Lent...

He's just being careful, because he knows that kids are in the audience, and by not cursing, he can become a positive role model. And what more positive role model for your kids than Doug Mientkiewicz?

Even though he is horrendously saddened that he is now no longer a New York Yankee, Douggy is happy to report that he is happily a Pittsburgh Pirate of the Caribbean and vows to set sail with one intention: Break the Curse of the Green Monster and hit Mike Lowell with his own knee...

YARRRrrrrrr...

Anyway, here's the rant, with some input from some of Douggy's friends. Background info is Douggy was trying to get something from someone (peacefully, because we all know he could have used lethal force to get it, but Douggy is being diplomatic these days in accordance with the Role Model thing...):

It starts when someone else claims to hate New England more than Bombs. GASPSPSPSPSPS!!! OH NOES!!! TEH WHO CUOLD SAY SUHCH LIEIEIESSSS!!!!

Person #1: excuse me, i object. you and i are AT LEAST equal on the new england hate.

Douggy: ah, but i hate ALL THINGS new england...you hate the people and the sports teams and the gayness. i hate EVERYTHING. i hate all that. i hate the weather. i hate the lack of things to do. i hate the way it's always windy rainy snowy, or a combination of 2 or 3 of the above at all times. i hate New England Accents. I hate New England TV. I hate the way that 95% of people in New England are cheap bastards. I hate the way the transportation doesn't run late nights, everything closes by 1, and transportation stops around dinner time on sundays. The way that there is one subway in 6 states. The way that it takes 2 hours to go by bus somewhere it would take 40 minutes in NYC. The way that I can't get a decent pizza, or the lady in the deli looks at me funny when I say I want sandwich fixins on a BAGEL instead of the usual "cream cheese or butter". The way that everyone here is in your face and obnoxious. The way that no one has any personality in this god forsaken region so that the only things they can find to do is get drunk and drive, and wrap themselves around trees, and expect people to have sympathy for them after. The way everyone is the same. The way NOTHING is open on sunday. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ALL THINGS NEW ENGLAND, and I am deliberately keeping htis clean, and believe me still waters run deep and this runs A LOT DEEPER than anyone here could ever know. I'd ship off to Seattle in a heartbeat and deal with the rainy depression and "increased suicide rates" there WAY before I ever consented to go back to NEW ENGLAND for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. hope i scratched the surface there a bit for ya...

Person #1: i hate all those things too...except i never lived there. so i guess you DO have me beat.. but ONLY because you live there.

Douggy: yup its so much worse once youve been here...these peoples lives are so devoid of any real human interaction, creativity and enjoyment that there sports teams really DO give them meaning...and thats just fucking (woops) pathetic...

Person #1: i've visited.. mostly boston and rhode island. yes i was sickened by everything there.

Person #2: wait doug i assume u grew up in new york? and i agree especially with the cheap part. im a prime example. as is my mother and 95% of the town in which i grew up in. they wont pay an extra 2 dollars on grocires but they will drop 40k on a mercedes.

Note: Doug NOES he was born in Toledo, OH; but for the purposes of real life, he grew up in the mean streets of Kingsbridge in the Bronx. Don't f...fool around with BOMBS. Actually FUCK it, the kids went to bed. And Douggy's such a role model y'all should be cursin' too...

Douggy: BINGO!!! they will fucking drive 15 miles out of the way and incur an additional $5 of gas expenses just to save 31c on a fucking 6 pack of Chef Boyardee. and yes i grew up in NY...give me my late night pizzas, grocery stores/delis that are allowed to serve alcohol, variety of bars/restaurants, public places to actually do things, night life, day life, 4am train rides home, and i'll GLADLY put up with homeless people shaking their cup at me while pretending i can't see them, the smells, the monday morning piles of trash stacked high, and the traffic...new england has no CHARACTER...everything i described above, good and bad, has CHARACTER. new england is a sterile "pretend everything is perfect" little dream world that really isn't anything close to what its cracked up to be. its fucking miserable here, and the only thing anyone can think of to do is go to the SAME place every weekend.

Douggy: there's different ways to party than:
6PM liquor store run aka "packy run"
8PM pregame
10PM go out to the same bar you've been going every time for 4 years
1AM bar closes, find a house party where you know maybe 5 people and get drunker there
3AM return to room
3:30AM order pizza from the same shithole that can't make pizza and is the only place in town somehow still open (hint: because they make most of their money off college students by using cheap ingredients to make bad pizza and charging "discount" prices to drunk college students which are really only indicative of how bad the pizza is, and cuz the kids are drunk they get away with it)
4AM pass out
1PM wake up with a hangover, brag to all your friends how you drank "20 shots" last night, pretend you don't have a hangover, pretend you can't remember anything from last night (execept remembering that you "had 20 shots" of course), and talk about how you're going to "get after it" again tonight...FUCKING BORING. come up with something new. there is more than one way to party and / or have fun, and these fuckfaggots haven't figured it out yet (see pic for a typical New England weekend)...NY 4 LIFE.

Person #3: "they will fucking drive 15 miles out of the way and incur an additional $5 of gas expenses just to save 31c on a fucking 6 pack of Chef Boyardee" hahhhahahahahaha!

Person #2: LOL LOL LOL. OMG. u hit every gripe i have with new england. omg my hometown nothing is open past 11. LOL. i love ur night description too. and my mom literally does that. she drives an extra 10 miles up I-84 to get her grocires in brookfield cause in ridgefield everything is expensive. unfortunately im getting a state certification. not a national cert so most likely im stuck here for life. its damn true. sadly.

Person #4: new england has 1 good thing... thats me as i have lived there all my life. I hate Mass and NH and VT. i do love CT though

Note: Person #4 is right. Douggy Bombs was not born or raised in New England... So looks like just the "1 good thing"...and CT is mostly Yankee fans, so we'll cut them a break. We'll annex them into New York as "New York East", not to be confused with "East New York"

Douggy (making a rare concession): parts of CT are OK, and the parts of VT that feature skiing are iite too...but the rest SUCKS harder then jenna jameson in a room full of dyson's

Person #5: ik a couple kids from mass. here at school one of whom's last name is Fitzgerald I see em out usually and you have to deal wth "Hey Fitzy get ah load ah dis guy he looks wicked fuckin retahded

Douggy: ah yes our old new england bruddah-hood. fitzy, sully, Chaz, and Steve-O...yeesh...damn new england

NEW ENGLAND IS TEH SUCKXXS AND JUST GOTZ PWND!!!!

and thx to this PICK-TCHUR so did their sports teams...

Note: Douggy appears here (bottom right). Also appearing is Jack Bauer, middle left, because with no CTU and no season 7 (yet), he actually had some free time. Unfortunately B.A. Baracus was too busy signing autographs, pitying foo's, and upgrading his jewelry to partake in the PWNAGE in the picture, but that's OK, because just like everyone else, B.A. gets two weeks vacation every year. The third person in the picture, top center, is one of Doug Mientkiewicz's biggest fans, who singlehandedly spread the rumors of Doug's ridiculous woman sexing, home run hitting, and gold glove winning to New York City. However, this individual has asked to remain nameless, and so the folks at PWNAGE will comply with this request.

What a beautiful picture, no homo.

Survey says New England is a bunch of

Nothing like a collection of wiseass remarks

2008-03-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

Hey Jack, looks like you'll have some work to do this year after all. What are you doing now that CTU is gone?

Anyway, I figure it's time to take a look around and see what stupid shit is being said as well as make a few observations. Batting leadoff:

When Brandon Inge talked last weekend about the challenge of hitting and catching, Ivan Rodriguez understood.

It's a hefty job, and after 17 Major League seasons, it's not any easier for Rodriguez. When he comes into camp in the shape that he's in at his age, that's just the start of his work.

Screw being in good shape. Remember when Pudge actually was pudgy? Back when he was a "junk-food" junkie?

1996-2004: .522 SLG

2005-2007: .434 SLG

If I'm Dave Dombrowski, I tell this guy, "Hey, get off the treadmill and go back to eating Big Macs."

After all the work behind the plate catching side sessions and learning pitchers and getting back into game mode, this, he says, is his time to start to focus each day on refining his swing.

You should focus each day on refining your not-swing.

2005: 11 BB in 504 AB

2006: 26 BB in 547 AB

2007: 9 BB in 502 AB

You don't have to be Kevin Youkilis and never swing at anything, but come on. Take some damn pitches.

The key for Rodriguez, certainly at the plate, will be his discipline.

That's more like it.

Now, time to check out what professional curmudgeon, Murray Chass, has to say.

The Yankees have made two major decisions since the end of last season that they could come to regret this season. Last October there was Joe Torre; more recently there was Johan Santana.

Ohhhhhhh boy...this sounds like it's going to be one of my favorites!

The Yankees fared so well in Torre’s dozen years as manager — 4 World Series titles, 6 American League pennants, 12 playoff appearances — most people came to believe that only he could manage the team to October.

Most people are morons.

1996-2001

Tino Martinez: 175 HR

Bernie Williams: OPS's of .926, .952, .997, .971, .957, .917

Paul O'Neill: .297 BA, 102 HR, 604 RBI

Derek Jeter: .321 BA, 99 HR, 135 SB (77% successful)

Andy Pettitte: ERA+s of 129, 155, 104, 101, 111, 112

David Cone (1997-1999): ERA+s of 159, 124, 137 and 9.18 K/9 IP

Mariano Rivera: 466.1 IP, 215 SV, 100% invincible

Are you telling me that a team with players of this caliber could only be managed by Joe Torre?

Torre’s greatest managerial attribute was his ability to manage his players, keeping them happy even if they were former everyday players who were reduced to utility roles.

I agree. Because aside from that, he doesn't get pitching. I also am beginning to wonder what he did to prepare the players in spring training the last few years. The Yankees have been getting off to bad starts the past few seasons. A fair amount of players have been slow out of the gate and then pick up later in the season. Now, this spring training, some players (Mike Mussina) have been talking about how they did more running in one day under Girardi than they did in all of some spring trainings. That strength and conditioning coach didn't know what the hell he was doing, but maybe the buck doesn't stop there...I don't know. I'm just speculating.

Joe Girardi has managed only one year, but in that year, 2006 with Florida, he demonstrated enough knowledge and ability that I believe he could have done at least as well as Torre. He might have done even better, because he would most likely have run the pitching staff more efficiently than Torre. It is unlikely that Girardi will overuse and wear out some of his relievers and ignore others the way Torre did.

Hey!!! There you go!

If there’s one element of the team that could undermine Girardi’s chances of winning, it’s the pitching, and that is where the decision not to pursue a Santana trade could create regrets.

Oh no you don't go.

Entering a brave new world, the Yankees this year are counting on young pitchers. The change in philosophy, advocated by General Manager Brian Cashman, is admirable, but is it completely smart?

I think so.

Maybe Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy and Joba Chamberlain will become the reincarnation of Vic Raschi, Allie Reynolds and Eddie Lopat. But maybe they will be more reminiscent of Andy Hawkins, Dave LaPoint and Tim Leary, vintage 1990.

All three of these guys dominated the minor leagues. All three are number 1 picks. All three are now MLB-ready. Not at their primes, but ready to face MLB-hitters. All three cost nothing. What is the opportunity cost? Johan Santana. Yes, best pitcher in baseball. Blahblahblah. But the Twins wanted Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy, and Melky Cabrera. Two of our three number 1 draft picks who dominated the minors, and our centerfielder for the future. Oh I know what you're going to say..."But he's Johan Santana!!! And then you coulda signed Aaron Rowand or Torii Hunter!!!"

And let's see how much that would cost going at their current contracts...

Johan Santana: 6 years, $120 million

Aaron Rowand: 5 years, $60 million

Torii Hunter: 5 years, $90 million

Yeah, let's spend $38 million more a year and achieve marginal to no improvement.

Maybe they will be everything the Yankees expect them to be. Maybe they will all succeed from the start. But maybe they won’t. Maybe they’ll stumble and sputter and need time to develop into consistent winners.

The point is, Hughes, Kennedy and Chamberlain don’t come with guarantees. Santana does.

Does he really? The guy is turning 29. Still young, but he had a bit of a downyear for him at age 28 last year, surrendering 33 HR. The guy will still be very good, but:

a) he costs a ton of money

b) while he'll still be very good, he's going to be able to dominate for fewer innings each year

c) just because he's had no injury trouble in the past does not mean he's not going to as he reaches his 30s

Had the Yankees sent Hughes to the Twins for Santana, it would not have been Scott Kazmir for Víctor Zambrano. Had the Yankees traded Hughes, they would still have had Kennedy and Chamberlain.

But they wanted more than just Hughes, you schmuck. The Twins wanted Kennedy, too. And Melky Cabrera.

My God...Santana's name now makes me nauseous. As a result, I'm going to go get drunk...perfect solution.

Francona Calls Pedroia a Moron! Exclusive Interview with the Moron Himself!

2008-03-04T20:00:00.000-08:00

Well folks, with the 7th season of 24 being canceled, Jack Bauer now has some free time all of a sudden. In fact, the return of baseball has Jack Bauer excited and talking about something other than basketball for a change.

This morning, I happened to stumble upon this gem of a quote in the Boston Globe:

"I got a headache I was laughing so hard. Pedroia is a moron. I mean, you can write that. Pedroia is a moron. He looked a puppet on a string."

Anytime Dustin Pedroia is called a moron, it makes for some good comedy. When its Terry Francona calling his own player a moron...that's just gold.

Fortunately, I was able to sit down with Mr. Pedroia himself and get his thoughts about his manager's telling statement. Below is the interview in its entirety, enjoy.

Jack Bauer: So Dustin, your manager essentially calls you a douche bag, what do you make of this?

Dustin: Oh well, Terry was just joking. We're good friends. He would never say anything mean about me.

Jack Bauer: But Dustin, he called you a moron. Let me refresh your memory with this quote, he said "Pedroia is a moron. I mean, you can write that. Pedroia is a...."

Dustin: Stop it!!! I know what he said!!! And I know that you know that I know what he said!!!

Jack Bauer: That makes no sense.

Dustin: Touché!!! But I know what you are trying to do Jack. What are you gonna do to me, torture me like you do to the terrorists who withhold information from you?

Jack Bauer: DAMMIT DUSTIN, I'M CONDUCTING THIS INTERVIEW AND YOU WILL STAY QUIET UNLESS YOU ARE ASKED A QUESTION!

*Dustin shits his pants*

Jack Bauer: Wow, that was too easy. *Jack Bauer calls B.A. Baracus and Douggy Bombs..* "Hey guys, Dustin might be more of a jackass than Papelbon is...."

Dustin: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

*2 hours pass and Dustin has finally stopped crying*

Jack Bauer: You ready to continue this interview?

Dustin: I'm always ready, just like I was ready to win rookie of the year and a World Series in my first year in the majors. I was ready to accomplish all of that despite my below average height...

Jack Bauer: I don't know if you play video games at all Dustin, but MLB 2K8 came out recently and they made you incredibly short in the game. I think they even have you listed at 4'11. I'm guessing its because of all the bitching you do about how short you are.

Dustin: Its because they want the game to be realistic, I'm a very short man that just happened to win rookie of the year and a World Series in his first year in the majors...

Jack Bauer: Yes, we know. You are listed at 5'9 though on the Red Sox website, isn't that around the average height of a man in the United States?

Dustin: Umm...nooooo, there is nothing average or big about me. I'm a very short baseball player who has overcome tremendous odds.

Jack Bauer: So you are saying that everything is small about Dustin Pedroia?

Dustin: Yes, you are finally getting it. There is nothing big about me....hey, wait a minute!

Jack Bauer: Dustin, despite your accolades, isn’t it suspicious that you only hit .282 on the road with an OPS of .729, as compared to a .351 average at Fenway with an OPS of .912? Could it be that you really just need Fenway to make you a decent player?

Dustin: I’m a very good player no matter what the circumstances are. I’ve had to overcome the odds and numbers don’t show that. How come nobody questions Derek Jeter about stuff like that?

Jack Bauer: Probably because Jeter's OPS last year was essentially identical both on the road and at home. Jeter also happened to hit .310 on the road. Of course, it could also be because Joe Torre never called him a moron.

Dustin: Stop saying that! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Jack Bauer: Wow, you really are a moron.

Calling out Derek Jeter proved how moronic Dustin Pedroia truly is. Everybody knows that if you are going to call out a Yankee, A-Rod is the obvious target...

There are some people who should just be tied to the back of the A Train and dragged from Inwood to Far Rockaway: this guy's one of them

2008-02-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

Here we go again...

Award won't change Pedroia's attitude

AL Rookie of the Year doesn't feel he has anything to prove

1. Brian Bannister shouldn't feel he's got anything to prove with that 1.2 WHIP and 121 ERA+ on the KC Royals. Josh Fields shouldn't feel like he's got anything to prove with those 23 homers and .480 SLG in only 100 games, aside from learning how to not strike out every 3 at bats. Reggie Willits shouldn't feel like he's got anything to prove with that .293 BA and .391 OBP last year.

Any of those men should have won the AL Rookie of the Year over Pedroia.

2. Yes, Dustin. You do have something to prove. You need to prove you're not just a Fenway Park-aided David Eckstein (.351/.410/.502 at home, .282/.349/.380 on the road).

FORT MYERS, Fla. -- The proverbial chip that an undersized player carries on his shoulder for inspiration clearly doesn't go away one American League Rookie of the Year trophy later, or even after a heroic postseason.

Oh please, everyone's sick of this shit.

"Oh look at him go! He's so little but he's really big! He's so amazing! You think he's too small but he's proven all you haters wrong!!!"

-every Red Sox fan everywhere beating off to the picture of Pedroia in Big Floppy's arms

No, it's still there. All you had to do was be at Dustin Pedroia's locker early Sunday morning to see it manifest.

Does Pedroia have anything to prove after fueling the Red Sox in such emphatic fashion a year ago?

I already gave you the answer. But let me guess what this overrated little sack of shit had to say.

Reporter: Hey Dustin, after winning the Rookie of the Year, MVP, Cy Young, Rolaids Relief and Silver Slugger at 5'1" and 113 pounds, and then single-handedly winning the World Series for the Red Sox by hitting 11 walk-off grand slams in the postseason, do you feel you have anything to prove?
Pedroia: You know what, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm good. I know I'm good. And I'm TOUGH and GRITTY. I give 3000%. I'm always going to be ME. A lot of people have a problem with ME being ME. I for one will always be ME. If you have a problem with ME being ME, then don't watch ME.

How close was I?

"I don't really care what people think -- I don't really have to prove anything to anybody," said Pedroia. "I just have to prove stuff to my teammates. I don't [care] what anybody says about me. I'm going to go out there and be who I am and if you don't like it, watch somebody else. That's all I care about."

You don't have to prove anything to anybody. You just have to prove stuff to your teammates.

Does anyone see an inconsistency here?

Oh and by the way, I was close, wasn't I?

And that Rookie of the Year Award? Sure, it meant something special to Pedroia at the time. But listen to the man speak, and it's clear he's not seeking pats on the back for past accomplishments.

"I don't think about that, man," Pedroia said. "That's just something that sportswriters voted on. I don't think I was the best rookie. I didn't really think about it. The only thing I knew is I got an opportunity to play in the World Series and we won. That's what our goal was all year. The whole Rookie of the Year thing, I'm not really concerned about it. I actually, I might put a little holster on it and hold up my garage door and put it down there."

Oh your humility is touching...

It's highly doubtful Pedroia will actually use his well-earned trophy as a garage door ornament, but you get the idea. This is a player who feeds off his feistiness.

Feed off this:

Still feeling feisty?

Didn't think so.

Time to Shit in Bill Simmons' Wheaties Again

2008-02-06T08:48:00.000-08:00

Linked

I love "I Told You So's" against New England and those "Boston Blowhards." Now let's check in with our daily shitting bowl Bill Simmons:

GLENDALE, Ariz. (Monday, 3 a.m. MT) -- Now it all makes sense.

You bleed for your team, you follow them through thick and thin, you monitor every free-agent signing, you immerse yourself in draft day, you purchase the jerseys and caps, you plan your Sundays around the games ... and there's a little rainbow waiting at the end. You can't see it, but you know it's there. It's there. It has to be there. So you believe.

Spoken like a true New England douchebag fan who frequents the Church of Stupid by using a bunch of bullshit religious symbolism - "believe" "have faith" - these are not components of sports. These are excuses used by mindfucked idiots to talk about their own difficulties in convincing themselves of anything in sports.

Of course, there's one catch: You might never get there. Every fan's worst fear. All that energy over the years just getting displaced, no release, no satisfaction, nothing. Season after season, no championship ... and then you die. I mean, isn't that what this is all about? Isn't that the nagging fear? That those little moral victories over the years won't make up for the lack of a big payoff at the end -- that one moment when everything comes together, when your team keeps winning, when you keep getting the breaks and you just can't lose.

Is Simmons talking about sports, or his own inability to achieve sexual climax the last time he fucked a fat chick?

And if none of this makes sense, well ... it does to me. I just watched somebody else's team win the Super Bowl. Giants 17, Patriots 14.

Since Bill is also a Red Sox fan, and I'm short on time re: Google Images...

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

If you're wondering why this column feels familiar, it's because I pulled the previous three-and-a-half paragraphs from my postgame column after the Patriots stunned the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI. This time around, we were the Rams. We were rooting for the unlikable double-digit favorites with an unstoppable offense. We were the arrogant fans who dismissed the chances of the other team. We had the Super Bowl postgame party looming that had been a hot ticket all week. Then the game started, and everything went right to hell. We looked flat from the first minute. Our underdog opponent gained confidence, punched us in the mouth a few times, kept punching and punching, caught a few breaks, threw a few more punches, ran out of gas near the end, looked to be done ... and out of nowhere, rallied for a miracle drive to steal the championship. We stood there slack-jawed while the other fans celebrated; we were unable to breathe and wondered what the heck just happened. And then we hustled out of the stadium like we were fleeing a crime scene.

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

The symmetry was incredible. It was staggering. It was epic. During the two weeks leading up to the game, I heard and read different media members make the case there were potential similarities between Super Bowl XXXVI and Super Bowl XLII, never believing the comparison had merit because the 2008 Giants were so different than the 2002 Patriots. The Giants had a deep threat. They had a monster defensive line. They had a semi-experienced quarterback and a good running game. Unlike in 2002, some people were giving this underdog a chance. I just didn't see it.

But standing there in Section 129 and surrounded by delirious Giants fans who were hugging and screaming and crying and acting like stranded castaways who just noticed a rescue boat? I saw it.

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Truth be told, I started seeing it during the halftime show, immediately after the Patriots headed into the locker room with a deceiving 7-3 lead. Their lack of energy was alarming and almost inexplicable -- not just during the first half, but when they were warming up beforehand and getting "fired up" during the pregame introductions. (Remember that bizarre NFL Films clip before Super Bowl XXXVI, when a psyched-up Brady momentarily freaked out in the tunnel, jumped toward Drew Bledsoe, grabbed Bledsoe's helmet with both hands and started head-butting him and screaming like a lunatic? Those days were long gone.) There were red flags everywhere. New England's offensive line was getting overwhelmed by New York's front four. An uncharacteristically sloppy Brady had me telling everyone within earshot, "You know, I really think his ankle is bothering him," at least 73 times in 90 minutes. Even worse, the game had no discernible flow because of New York's 10-minute opening drive, followed by an endless slew of commercial breaks so Fox could catch up.

I'm too lazy to copy and paste that photo and crying sound again, so I'll just point this out: "An uncharacteristically sloppy Brady had me telling everyone within earshot, 'You know, I really think his ankle is bothering him,' at least 73 times in 90 minutes." = Typical New England fan. We HEARD you the FIRST time. Shut the fuck up!

Who were these guys? Where was the team I watched for the past few months? Why aren't we attacking these guys? Why did we stick with our January cold-weather offense when we're playing indoors?

And right as I was wondering about all this stuff, Tom Petty started playing "Free Fallin'.

"Oh the irony, Bill. You never cease to amaze with your overuse of symbolism that doesn't exist in sports. You do realize Tom and the Heartbreakers would have also played this song if the Patriots were leading at the half. OH WAIT. They were. Once again, a New England fan with a lead, creaming his pants and pissing on his ankles because he is an insecure fuck born and bred in one of the most depressing regions in this country. If Simmons wanted BETTER symbologyism, perhaps he should have mentioned that Petty played "Running Down a Dream" - as in the Giants as a big ol' hit and run driver chasing some pedestrians:

I'm going to skip around because there is a long delay of more of the same - bitching about the way the Patriots played, trying to create symbolism where it doesn't exist, and trying to compare this Super Bowl to 2002 as if he is writing an English paper for a class called Masturbatory Lit.

With that said, I never thought the Patriots would lose. I thought they'd be tested, I thought the game would be great ... but lose??? You could point out 10 different instances when the Pats blew a chance to make a monster play or put the game away, and you could point out all the different times the Giants caught a break or had a ball bounce their way, but really, everything you need to know about Super Bowl XLII happened on the Miracle Play To Be Named Later -- you know, the third down on the do-or-die drive when Eli Manning ripped himself away from the entire Patriots defensive line (THEY HAD HIS JERSEY!!!!!!) and threw a pass that hung in the air forever like one of those sports movie passes, and even though David Tyree and Rodney Harrison had an equal chance of getting it, Tyree jumped a little bit higher, hauled in the football, trapped it against his helmet and somehow held on while Harrison was doing everything but performing a figure-four leg lock on him.

More selfish New England douchebaggery, and it ties right into that incredibly irritating "believe" mindset they ladle out at soup kitchens up there for the emotionally starving. "I never thought we'd ACTUALLY lose!" Eli Manning and David Tyree made that play because they wanted it more - because their O-line wanted it more than the Patriots' pass rush. Because this is the quarterback Eli Manning had in him all these years, hidden away, behind the facade of the sometimes stupid and spiteful New York media's understanding of his abilities. And Harrison is a lot of things, but he was never a good jumper. The Giants knew this and picked the pieces apart of the so-called "invincible Patriots." PS - surveys show that 65% of non-Giant non-Patriot fans wanted the Giants to win, so for once, America got a champion it wanted. In a tight game, not a blowout. And this was before all that crap about cheating. America hates the Patriots because America hates the Red Sox and all Boston sports. We hate arrogant blowhards in this country. Pat your own back and someone will shoot you in your back. That's always been the rule of the street in this country. Humility is a positive trait, and one that does not go overlooked.

Seriously, what else do you need to know about this game beyond that play and the 30-second loop of Brady getting pounded by various defensive linemen?

How about the plays that actually resulted in the game's scoring?

The Giants played well enough to win, they were tougher, they were luckier and they wanted it just a little bit more.

"They were luckier." Even after all this, we're back to WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Now we live in a world that Tom Coughlin outcoached Bill Belichick in a Super Bowl...

How could ANYONE outcoach Belichick? He's a GENIUS! Newsflash: Geniuses don't get caught with their dicks in the microwave like Belichick did when Mangini busted him for cheating. Geniuses also don't run their star players out there game after game with second half leads of 30 points or more trying to run up the score. It's bad business and a risk of injury. And geniuses don't pass up 49 yard field goals in the first half of a Super Bowl to "go for it" and get stopped.

...that Eli Manning outplayed Tom Brady in a Super Bowl, that a Belichick-era Patriots team lost a Super Bowl because they weren't tough enough, that the Ewing Theory has been replaced by the Tiki Theory.

Please take a breath. Tom Brady isn't the all invincible quarterback you think he is, and don't even think about blaming his injury. Once again this just goes to prove that he is nothing without that offensive line. The rest of this babble is as incoherent as Belichick's dumbshit decision to walk off the field with :02 left on the clock. Just like New England, Belichick neither knows how to win or lose with class. In a way, he's a perfect metaphor New England, which probably explains why the region swings from his nuts 8 months a year.

The Giants deserved to win. They were better. They peaked at the right time. And watching their fans celebrate afterward, a small part of me actually felt happy for them. Envious, even. It's one thing to win a championship ... it's another to win a championship like that. You can't possibly understand unless it happens to you.

This is arguably the only part of Simmons' article that makes sense. It feels DAMN good to end a bid at perfection and win the whole thing. And it gave the NFL its best Super Bowl in years. In past years, it's mostly been a formality...oftentimes a blowout. This year it was something different. A nation united behind the Giants in an effort to beat a hated franchise that had grown too big for its britches. And we were vindicated when they pulled through, against all odds. New Englanders will never know that feeling, and trust me, 2004 doesn't count. The Giants were the last line of defense against the Patriots in their pursuit of a record perfection that no one really wanted to see. America got its wish, and the Giants and their fans were rewarded with an incredible championship that we will remember for a lifetime.

Now Simmons goes on to list 8 memories from the Super Bowl. I will only talk about the interesting ones.

3. First entry in my notebook right after the game ended: "Eli Manning just gave me the Eli Manning Face." And he did.

Honorable mention for this, because it actually made me laugh a little. But you have to admit the old Eli Manning Face is much funnier than the Tom Brady face (helmet unstrapped, hands on hips, frowning on sideline, head slightly tilted). And I say old Eli Manning Face because the new Eli Manning Face appears near the top of this post. :P

5. Much like the Patriots, I choked heading into the weekend: Somehow, I forgot to pack my good-luck Wes Welker jersey and headed to Sunday's game without any Pats gear. Originally intent on buying a Pats hat at the game, once I saw all the jerseys in the stands and in my section, I made the executive decision to fine myself $85 dollars (the price of a white No. 81 Moss jersey at one of those merchandise booths). You can currently find that jersey sitting at the bottom of the garbage can in my hotel room. I might take it home and burn it. I haven't decided yet.

Oh no. More superstitious bullshit with religious undertones. Because Bill Simmons forgot to rub his dick three times, light a purple scented candle before leaving for the game, bring his lucky Rabbit Foot, play a pregame Simon Sez, and tap his shoulders three times before every offensive Patriots play, the Patriots lost the game. Now he is reduced to a pile of manrubble, burning things he perceives as "bad omens." It really IS funny to watch people reduce themselves to human piles of shit sometimes.

After the game, we reacted in different ways: I took the approach of "we didn't deserve to win, we sucked, we choked and I'm not getting distraught over this when the city of Boston has won five titles since 2002" (note: I didn't fully believe this but desperately tried to talk myself into it), while my father went with the approach of "I look like a doctor just gave me horrible news, and I can't speak." He was totally blindsided by what happened; in his defense, he wasn't picking up on all the bad omens during the game

So...Simmons took the douchebag New England fan's POV: "Fock the Pats!!! Wicked geyy! Focken feggits! Focken loozahs! Focken Red Sawx is where its at now, boys! Focken Celtics gonna show how shit's done in New England. Focken bums! Fock Tom Brady, focken overrated pieceashit! And whea's Welkah? Focka didn't do SHIT, Fock 'em!"

Meanwhile, daddy was just disappointed. I guess whoever said wisdom comes with age was right. And I'm sure he's not wasting time writing about bad omens. Bill: "Whea's my focken locky rabbit foot?"

8. Finally, can you guess the last thing we heard as we were walking (OK, hustling) out of the stadium right after the final play? That's right, it was the sound of euphoric Giants fans chanting, "Eighteen and one! Eighteen and one! Eighteen and one!" Yes, it's safe to say the Boston-New York rivalry has been taken to new heights. As a tennis umpire would say, "Advantage, New York."

If this shit WAS a tennis match, the umpire would say "Deuce" upon reading Simmons' excessively verbose article. As in, "I've got to stop to take a deuce, this shit is taking forever homee!"

Eighteen and one! Eighteen and one! Eighteen and one!

I can still hear them. I will always hear them.

Oh noes teh ehcoes! Tehy're haunting me! Teh gohsts! Ahhhh!!! Tihs is waht hapenns wehn yuo don't follow teh oMeNs!!!

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Oh and I won't brag at all...

Well maybe just a little. So glad y'all New Englanders planned that party in advance. Mothafuckas gon' haveta press cancel on that Facebook Event shit.

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Fuck it, time for some 'I told you so' pwnage

2008-02-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

Meet Greg Cote. The predictive genius.

MIAMI — Yes, the New England Patriots will lose a football game.

It probably will be sometime around mid-autumn of 2008.

They will not lose before then. They will continue marauding through this NFL season as unstoppable as a rock slide. They will complete the regular season unblemished. They will sweep through both playoff games as expected. Then they will win the Super Bowl, just like they are supposed to.

Let's break this down.

Yes, the New England Patriots will lose a football game.

Correct. No team can win every game.

It probably will be sometime around mid-autumn of 2008.

I'm sure the chances of them losing a regular season game next year are high.

They will not lose before then.

Wrong.

They will continue marauding through this NFL season as unstoppable as a rock slide. They will complete the regular season unblemished. They will sweep through both playoff games as expected.

Correct.

Then they will win the Super Bowl, just like they are supposed to.

WRONG.

Stating an opinion is one thing. Writing an article that presents your opinion in the form of prophecy is where you can get yourself into a little trouble.

By the way, did you really think that you were writing something groundbreaking at the time, Greg?

The Patriots will finish undefeated and be called the greatest team in the 88-year history of American professional football.

WRONG.

If the 17-0 Dolphins of 1972 have the one and only Perfect Season in history, perhaps we will need to call New England's 19-0 the Beyond Perfect Season.

18-1. The Irrelevent Season.

No other team can.

This was written on November 25th, before the Eagles game, which NE won by a whopping score of 31-28, and before the Baltimore game, which NE won 27-24. I bet good old Greg was shitting his pants during both games.

Dallas, the likeliest eventual Super Bowl opponent, tried last month, at home, and lost by three touchdowns, buried in a 48-point Brady avalanche.

Now, you see? That's better. Dallas did NOT make it to the Super Bowl, but it was perfectly reasonable at the time to say they were the "likeliest" Super Bowl opponent.

Brady is having what to this point would rank very high among the greatest individual seasons by any athlete, in any sport, anywhere, at any time. His record pace of 38 touchdown passes against just four interceptions — 17 of those scoring throws to Randy Moss — is unprecedented. Giving Moss to Brady is like giving a raise to Bill Gates.

Bad analogy. Bill Gates is the richest man in the world at about $47 billion. He's head and shoulders above everyone else regardless of a raise. Tom Brady, before this year, never had a QB rating above 92.6, never had more than 28 TDs, never had a better completion percentage of 63.9%. He was a very good QB, but he was clearly never the BEST. He gets Moss, and then suddenly Brady goes from good to God with 50 TDs, 8 INT, and a QB rating of 117.2. "Giving Moss to Brady is like giving steroids to Barry Bonds" would be a better analogy.

The only reason to think New England won't stay unbeaten is that nobody (since `72) ever has. The thing is, history has never seen what we are seeing of a dynasty angling for its fourth championship this decade, led by a near-perfect, precision quarterback in his prime and directed by the most ruthless coach in the sport.

So...the only reason to think it won't happen is because it hasn't happened since it last happened. But what's happening is something that history has never seen happen. So it's going to happen. Good logic.

The Patriots are the perfect team to hate. Coach Hoodie. The Bling Dynasty. The classic overdog. And Brady is Mr. Perfect, with his movie star and supermodel girlfriends and his impossible dimple.

Yes! I agree! They are the perfect team to hate. They're a bunch of douchebags. I will comment fully on the douchebaggianism of the team and head coach in a later post to come soon

Miami will go 1 for 2, then, on NFL history this year.

The franchise will avoid the ignominy of a winless season, but can only watch as another team at long last achieves the perfect distinction Miami once held alone.

Nope, Miami went 2 for 2. You went 0 for everything. (Well, not really, but you might as well have. Remember, I have the freedom to exaggerate for humerous purposes.)

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!

MEMO to Jessica Heslam: Douggy Bombs Does NOT Want You to Have His Babies

2008-01-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

OK she might be hot, but Douggy still won't hit that. Looks can be deceiving, you know.

Here's why.

Pats Fans a Cut Above
Giants Fans Outclassed on the Field and in the Seats
By Jessica Heslam

"New England Patriots [team stats] fans are smarter, classier and healthier and own pricier homes than the riff-raff who root for the New York Giants - and now we’ve got the research to back it up."

Gasp! Scandal abounds! Oh noes, deys gots da PROFF!!!

"Some 62 percent of Pats fans living in the Boston area earned a bachelor’s or postgraduate degree or have some higher-education experience, compared to 59 percent of Giants fans, according to the latest marketing data provided by the Nielsen Co., the TV ratings firm."

Oh my. A whopping 3% more Pats fans living in the Boston area have a higher ed degree than Giants fans living in an undefined area. Holy shit, that is so scientific. And where is the PROFF again that you speak of? I can make up numbers too. 81% of Jessica Heslam's sex partners left disappointed. 77% of Jessica Heslam's waiters never received a tip from her. 100% of Jessica Heslam's articles suck. Actually, I didn't make that last one up.

"Likewise, 72 percent of Pats fans live in homes worth north of $200,000, compared to 63 percent of Giants yahoos, the Nielsen data show."

Pointless economic argument. I will go into this more at the very end, but did she ever think this could have to do with the fact that many Giants fans do not actually OWN their own homes? As in, they rent APARTMENTS?

"That’s just for starters."

Crap. You mean I have to read MORE?

"Pats fans consistently show better taste than their Gotham counterparts, according to Nielsen.

We drink Amstel Light, not Bud Light. Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey."

I'm just going to point out that this just keeps getting worse and worse NOW, so that I don't have to do it every time I copy and paste one of her poorly formed sentences. Anyway here's her PROFF: and it's not in the pudding, it's in the alcohol.

Here, I will take the high road and address this by simply saying that Amstel is not "better" than Bud Light - they're two different, but similar quality beers. That beer drinking comparison MIGHT only make sense if it was revealed that "90% of Team A's fans say they drink Natural Light and Schlitz Malt Liquor on a regular basis, compared to 10% of Team B's fans." The mention of whiskey is a potshot at best - and you will notice that there is no PROFF for anything she says in this snippet (not even her usual unsupported percents). Lastly, the sentence "Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey" sounds like it was written by a 14 year old boy for a PG-13 rated English textbook as a sentence to diagram.

YES! I finally used Diagramming Sentences in real life! Disclaimer: I never said I was good at it either...

Lastly, for the record, I don't even drink Bud Light. I drink Miller light, but I don't think it's "better" than other comparable beers - *I* just like it better.

"We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts. They’re also less likely to favor organic food than other New Yorkers."

In essence, Jess is saying the following, and since I am aware it's hard to follow, I will simplify it for you by using a little program I like to call Compare-ee-o:

ANALYSIS INPUT: We like to read sophisticated magazines. [Omit what they read.] [Omit what we eat]. They like to pig out. ANALYSIS OUTPUT: NO COMPARISON IS POSSIBLE GIVEN THE ABOVE INPUTS.

Thank you, computer.

"Giants tailgaters are conspicuous consumers who party off the backs of Land Rovers and showy BMW SUVs. Pats fans are more likely to tailgate off the back of an understated Lexus or a sturdy Volvo SUV."

Now that I'm warmed up, it's time to start the heavy hitting. When I was a freshman in college, we drove from Needham to Boston via Newton...and we counted ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN Mercedes / BMW's / Lexus's along the way, looking out one side of the car. And a Lexus is not "understated." Understated means you can park your car in an OK neighborhood and not have to worry about the radio (or the whole car) getting jacked. "Understated" is a Subaru, Mazda, or Nissan. This dumb bitch can park her Lexus in Crown Heights and see if it's so "understated" that it's still there in the morning...

"When Pats revelers aren’t watching football, they’re hitting the slopes skiing or going for a sail. They’re also more likely to belong to country clubs."

This is an opportunity issue, nothing more. Simply put, there isn't much skiing in New York. So compare an hour long day trip (for New Englanders) to a 3 hour drive that requires overnight stay to get to mountains (for New Yorkers). This is like saying that Dolphins fans are twice as likely as Viking fans to frequent the beach.

But yet...

"When Giants fans aren’t booing Giants coach Tom Coughlin or punk quarterback Eli Manning in that New Jersey stadium they call home, they’re out practicing their tennis backhands in the backyard."

Tennis is widely considered an upper class game. This dumb bitch just contradicted her own point! And there's nothing wrong with playing tennis - it's a great game to play to stay fit, develop hand eye coordination, and improve reaction time. Why she's using it to be derogatory is beyond me. I won't even bother to address her points about booing...aren't Patriots fans the same ones who booed Deion Branch and Adam Vinateri when they returned to New England?

"None of these marketing revelations came as a surprise to Mike Schuster [Douggy's note, pic at right], 45, who lives in the shadow of Gillette Stadium in Foxboro."

Of course, Jess...ask a PATRIOTS fan for objective commentary on your generalizations, poor use of connotation, and conclusions derived from unPROFFed data. A Patriots fan, I might add, who is depicted in this picture (which was taken from the article itself) in full facepaint, drinking beer out of a wine glass, while wearing all of his team memorabilia, a bow tie, a JBL white cowboy hat, and a white non sport coat designed to look like one. This guy probably wore a tuxedo T-shirt to his prom, and yet Jess is taking everything he says as pure fact. I would also like to point out this guy's age - 45 - and the fact that he is still dressing up like a sexually confused preteen boy to go to games.

“Boston fans are much classier,” said Schuster, a real estate agent and software consultant who is heading out to Arizona for the Super Bowl. “Have you ever been to Yankee stadium? I mean, they boo their own players.”

There's your fair and objective - I mean unfair and unobjective - commentary from 45 year old Manchild Mike. This guy sells real estate and develops software? Well, I think we've just found our explanation for 1) the subprime mortgage fiasco and 2) why Microsoft Windows sucks so much.

(For the record I am aware that it was the BANKS that were largely responsible for the subprime mortgage fiasco, but it's just funnier if I blame Schuster. I have a creative license, and you have the ability to suspend your disbelief - so use it. Mike Schuster is an idiot, and should be made fun of in this slightly exaggerated way wherever possible.)

“Bostonians, in general, are better educated,” Schuster added. “New Yorkers have to send their kids to Boston to educate them.”

I bet he said this with a big shiteating grin on his face too. NEW YORKERS go to Boston for college because it is a nearby decent sized city, and close enough that they are a 4 hour train ride from home. They also go to Boston for college sparked by a desire to see the rest of the world and experience new things. Boston, and for that matter Baltimore and Philadelphia, offer a safe "first step" into exploring the rest of the world. Contrast this with many New Englanders who have an inexplicable fetish for "sameness." Many will live their entire natural lives in the same location, breaking only for college to go a couple exits up or down I-95 to cram into a Boston Institution of their own.

Secondary to this, having a lot of colleges does not make a place great. Colleges affect neighborhoods in different ways. Some lead to gentrification and that Ivy League patrician appearance - which drives land values up - while others are subject to belligerent adolescent debauchery that defaces and devalues neighborhoods, attracting lower income residents and oftentimes crime. It's a hit or miss - NOT a sure - proposition. Still don't believe me? Rhode Island is full of colleges and the state still sucks. A couple malls, a state house, a few hotels, and Providence thinks it's a mini Boston? All the colleges in the WORLD wouldn't turn Rhode Island into a bustling anything, until public transportation and a host of about 100 other things were improved.

"It’s also worth noting that the Patriots are an equal opportunity franchise, drawing more female fans than the competition. Nearly half of all Pats backers - about 43 percent - are women. In Giants country, just 31 percent of the fans are female."

That has nothing to do with equal OPPORTUNITY. Equal opportunity means that a female Patriots fan has an equal chance of BEING ALLOWED TO GO TO THE GAME as a female Giants fan. There are LAWS against crimes of UNEQUAL opportunity, so it is fair to say that the opportunity is equal, even if your unsourced excuse for PROFF claims the outcome of said equal opportunities isn't.

"Pats fans are also more Web savvy, some 63 percent have broadband Internet connection."

This is just flat out irrelevant. Internet is Internet - does it matter how you get there? Secondly, having a faster connection does not make one more web savvy, just like having a faster car does not necessarily make one a better driver. In fact, you could probably argue the opposite too, since someone using dial up [Douggy raises hand for when I'm at home] would really have to triage their internet priorities to make sure they did what was most important. Thirdly, what the fuck does this have to do with anything?

"Of course, though we may hate to admit it, fans on both sides of the turf do have some similarities. The Nielsen data indicate that Pats and Giants fans are both likely to live in “affluent” suburbs or rural neighborhoods. They both buy “above average” amounts of beer, too, and they like to garden."

OK... So despite all this money bullshit being thrown around, in the end Pats and Giants fans are both likely to live in affluent neighborhoods. Furthermore, you acknowledge HERE that the beer argument from above was bullshit - since we ARE talking about football fans you know - and, you choose to end your article with "they like to garden?"

Jessica Heslam, kill yourself:

Now, regarding the economics: It is not PROFESSIONAL sports journalism to EVER bring up socioeconomic status, which is completely irrelevant to the discussion of any team's sports fans. I don't even care that she criticized New York fans, which is fine because both sides are allowed to criticize each other - we have freedom of speech, freedom of press, and all that - but to refer to social status, economic status, and New England's supposed "wealth," is a bunch of absolute bullshit. Also, she is wrong. Another article she is credited with clearly states that while 15% of Patriot fans have annual household income of $150,000 or more, 40% of Giant fans have annual household income of $100,000 or more. She's not even comparing them according to the same criteria when drawing her invariably stupid conclusions! This is called manipulating facts to suit your wants, and it is shoddy journalism. And furthermore, stepping out from behind the controls of the Abrams Tank I am using to assassinate her awful thought patterns for a second, her snobbish self-centered attitude is an embarrassment to her upbringing, and a sad indictment that people like this are allowed to walk around believing this kind of nonsense by justifying it with their stuck up attitudes. A sports rivalry should never be about proverbially looking a disadvantaged person in the face and saying "haha...you remind me of the other team's fans." And when it crosses the line and becomes that, rest assured, Jess, you've got bigger problems than just your inability to write well.

Now, back behind the cannons.

At the risk of becoming too street, I say let this "rich bitch" spend 15 minutes in Harlem...15 MINUTES after the sun is down, and we'll see how long she lasts if someone doesn't get "the drop" on her for standing out. We'll see if that doesn't change her whole stuck up, maid-using, I'm-fed-by-other-people, my-shit-gets-picked-up-for-me mentality. And don't let this turn into a soapbox to criticize New York for crime, either, just because I said that. When you live in New York, you learn to interact and cope with a lot of different kinds of people, not just people like you. There are "ways" to do it and ways not to. And crime happens in New England too, even if she doesn't want to believe it.

This e-article is a piece of shit not even worth the time it would take me to print out and use the next time I have to wipe my ass. Besides, toilet paper is softer on the tush.

FINAL NOTE: I would also like to point out that Jess was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia (Canada), NOT in New England.

BANDWAGON FAN ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BANDWAGON FAN ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BANDWAGON FAN ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BANDWAGON FAN ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BANDWAGON FAN ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PWND.

A Night at Sully's: the story of Bill's life

2008-01-24T18:53:00.000-08:00

Nothing like a night of nothing to do and literary feces courtesy of Bill Simmons:

SEPT. 18, 1996. --I was bartending in Boston and wondering what the heck had happened to my life. You know things are bad when you're setting your alarm clock for noon every day, only you still have to hit the snooze button a few times before rolling out of bed. That was me. I wanted to do only one thing in life -- write a sports column...

Some people's dreams should never come true.

On Sept. 18, I had the night off and was sitting at home. Roger Clemens was pitching in Detroit. Like every other Boston fan, I wasn't sure how to feel about him. He'd struggled through a dreadful contract year (4-11, 4.36 ERA on Aug. 1) before ripping off four straight wins and looking like the Clemens of old.

Suddenly, Boston was divided between two camps: "We gotta re-sign Rogah!" and "We gotta get rid of this bum!" I was firmly entrenched in the latter.

So...to summarize how you feel about Roger:

1. I don't know how to feel about him.
2. I feel that we gotta get rid of this bum.

On this night, Clemens had it going. He struck out 12 Tigers in five innings. Like every other Sox fan, I immediately thought of his famous Mariners game. Could this be ... ?

Nahhhhhh.

I called my dad. He was watching and thinking the same thing. After I hung up, my phone started ringing. One buddy called. Two buddies called. Three buddies called. Everyone was thinking the same thing.

Who said great minds are the only minds that think alike?

Oh my God! Roger Clemens MIGHT strike out 20 guys in a meaningless game against the woeful Detroit Tigers!!!

Let me say that I in no way discourage getting excited about sports. I've gone nuts after a huge home run or a big win. I've called my friends...after something big HAPPENED...you know, HAPPENED. Past tense. Like a game-winning home run against the Red Sox or Mets, a big rivalry, or a big win in the playoffs/postseason. I don't call my friends about something that COULD happen, especially not in a game that means nothing.

Oh, and by the way, while the Yankees are important part of my life, they are not the essence of my life.

Clemens struck out the side in the sixth, and the symbolism was suffocating. Weeks into his 1986 breakout season, Clemens struck out a record 20 Mariners. With two weeks remaining in his Boston career, he was doing it again. For some reason, fundamentally, as a human being, at that specific point in my life, I needed him to do this for me. He had sucked against Dave Stewart his whole career, he had sucked for most of the past four years, he was putting together the most thinly disguised contract push ever ... and you know what? I didn't give a crap. He owed me this. He owed every Sox fan this.

Oh. My. God. I don't even know where to begin.

First of all, there is NO SYMBOLISM IN SPORTS. Sure, there have been some funny/weird coincidences. But symbolism is a stupid literary tool...not an element of professional sports.

For some reason, fundamentally, as a human being, at that specific point in my life, I needed him to do this for me.

You needed him to do this for you. You needed a guy you've never met who throws a cork wrapped in yarn for a living to do something for you.

By the way, between 1992 and 1996, Clemens had put up these ERA+s:

175 in 246 innings, 104 in 191 innings, 177 in 170 innings (strike year), 116 in 140 innings (strike shortened season), 139 in 242 innings.

Sure he wasn't the same Roger Clemens anymore, but to say he sucked is a bit of an exaggeration.

Oh and let me comment again just to remind everyone. Bill Simmons needed a guy he's never met who throws a cork wrapped in yarn for a living to do something for him.

And let me state for the record that I think it's perfectly reasonable for fans to feel as though professional athletes are indebted to them and that these guys "owe" them record performances.

Oh it ain't over yet...

I remember cracking open a beer and working five Marlboro Lights at once. After Clemens fanned two more in the seventh, I called my dad, and we had a two-minute conversation of only one-word sentences ("Wow!" "Whoa!").

The extensive vocabulary of two brain dead morons.

Tired of pacing my apartment, I walked down to Sully's Pub in Charlestown for the last two innings. There wasn't a more predictable local bar: The same people were there every night, the same bartenders worked the same shifts, and the guy-to-girl ratio never dropped below 5:1.

Welcome to New England.

Anytime I liked a girl, I took her to Sully's. If she didn't like it or made a sarcastic comment like "I thought we were going somewhere fun," she was a goner.

"I thought we were going somewhere fun." New England in a nutshell.

Now I was in my mid-20s, sitting in a Boston bar and legally drinking, living in the only place I had ever wanted to live ... and there was Clemens, my favorite pitcher once again, about to strike out 20 again. Maybe life wasn't so bad after all.

The same bum you thought they should have gotten rid of just hours earlier = your favorite pitcher once again. Welcome to New England fandom.

When Clemens notched No. 20, in the ninth, the roof in Sully's practically came off. I'm not kidding. I hugged complete strangers. I bought a round of shots even though I was broke. A buddy showed up, and we eventually closed the place. I woke up at noon again the next day, maybe even a little later, but for one of the few times that year, I had a smile on my face. Roger Clemens had fanned 20 guys. Again.

One of the few times you smiled that whole year. I can't even make fun of that. That's just so pathetic and depressing.

The rest of the article is discussing how steroids play a factor in Clemens' stats, legacy, Red Sox fans' memory of him, etc. I don't particularly care about what he has to say about that. However, I do want to point out just how pathetic this man's life is as well as all of the people like him. I'm so sick of this team and their fans. A bunch of bandwagon morons whose lives are defined by vicariously living through sports teams.

No brains, no lives, no fun. Welcome to New England.

Some of B.A.'s thoughts on some arbitration

2008-01-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

I have to say, it kind of pisses me off that the Indians offer Rafael Betancourt $1.75 million, $750k shy of what Betancourt asked for.

Over his career, he has a 158 ERA+, a 1.057 WHIP (even more important for relievers), a home run allowed only once every 11 innings, and 9.14 K/9 IP.

Last year, he had a 312 ERA+ and a 0.756 WHIP.

Yes.

Three. Hundred. Twelve. Zero. Point. Seven. Five. Six.

I know he's 33, but he has been a fantastic bullpen arm ever since he came up in 2003. He was probably the best reliever in baseball last year. Awesome, AWESOME set-up man. And you won't even meet his $2.5 million wishes.

That's such crap.

Thankfully the Yanks are trying to work out a 4 year deal for Cano. Reportedly worth about $30 million. Lock this guy up. He's the second best 2nd baseman in baseball (behind of course Chase Utley).

It won't be long before my next post, I'm about to start it now. Wait til you read this gem, foo's!

Tim Raines: Hall of Famer?

2008-01-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

Reading a series of e-mails between Jayson Stark and Peter Gammons is not exactly my idea of fun on a Sunday night, but I got about 3 more months before all the fun starts again. So I'm forced to grab at straws.

You can read the whole thing here, but here's the long and short of the e-mails traded back and forth between the two. Odd numbered e-mails are from Stark to Gammons and even numbered e-mails are vice versa.

E-mail #1:
I initially was not sure about Tim Raines' HOF candidacy, but the more I reviewed his case, the more I became convinced he belonged.

E-mail #2:
I have a problem with Tim Raines because a bunch of people who call themselves experts never voted him higher than 5th in MVP voting. He never led the league in anything. He doesn't have a big dick like beautiful, rugged, godlike, amazing Jim Rice. He's like Bert Blyleven. He just doesn't give me orgasms.

E-mail #3:
Um, ok. But I don't think MVP voting should be that important. And no he didn't lead the league, but he did finish in the top 5 a lot. That means something.

E-mail #4:
Well, ok. He was a really good player. But he wasn't as good as Koufax over that short period of time. And he certainly has nothing on my hot loverboy hero Jimmy Ricecakes.

E-mail #5:
If Raines weren't fucked by collusion and labor strife, he would have gotten a good deal closer to 3,000 hits. If he were at about 3,000 hits for his career, we wouldn't be having this debate. You know he reached base more times in his career than Tony Gwynn? They had identical OBPs.

E-mail #6:
Ok, you got me. I'm gay for Rice but not for Raines. Raines probably deserves to be in, I'll give you that. He gets my, Peter Gammons' vote, but he still doesn't get my dick's vote.

E-mail #7:
Your dick has a vote?

E-mail #8:
Why do you think Jim Rice keeps getting votes every year? My dick votes like other Red Sox fans vote for Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon to represent the Sox at the ASG.

E-mail #9:
Well I guess that explains your wife's unhappiness and her need for male escorts.

By the way, those last 3 e-mails are not made up. You may think I'm just over-the-top and that I'm kidding. I'm not. That's exactly what Gammons wants you to think...

Seriously though, Raines is a borderline Hall of Famer. Jim Rice is NOT a borderline Hall of Famer. He was a valuable player, but he shouldn't even merit discussion because he simply wasn't good enough. Looking at his numbers, the following two things discount Jim Rice immediately:

1. .320/.375/.546 at home, .277/.330/.459 on road
2. Fenway Park was his home park

Those two facts alone should explain his exclusion from the HOF in my opinion.

Raines. Debatable? Yes. But using Jim Rice to explain your reason for excluding Raines? Ok, Peter. Stop drinking that Mirabelli defecation flavored cool-aid and shut up.

Boston + Overrating = Angry B.A.

2008-01-07T23:19:00.000-08:00

That equation is as fundamental as e = mc^2, or F = delta p, or Isiah Thomas + James Dolan = 2 assholes and 1 bad franchise.

I'm sick and tired of everyone who rants and raves about how awesome the Boston Red Sox rotation is and how scary it could be to face next year. Let's break this down:

Point #1: Esteban Louiza had a dominant year once, too.

Josh Beckett has one...ONE dominant year, and suddenly he's the greatest thing on God's green earth. Can we hold off on the coronation err ass-kissing err self-gratification err ejaculation for JUUUUST another season or two please?

I'm not saying the guy sucks. He is a good pitcher, but there are several pitchers in MLB I would take before I take Josh Beckett. He had a flukily low BB/9 IP relative to his career norms this year. He often pitched under little or no duress the whole season which probably helped lower his BB/9 IP total. He had a fairly low HR/FB percentage (8.0% vs. 10.2%). There are too many variables for Beckett to continue having the success of 2007. And if you look at his gamelog, in the few games he pitched this year that were close, he either walked a more typical number of batters and/or gave up home runs. Since I'm too lazy to do more than this, here are numerous examples of his walk rate increasing in close games:

April 21 vs. NYY 6.2 IP 2 BB 7-5 when pulled
May 2 vs. OAK 7.0 IP 2 BB 5-3 when pulled
May 13 vs. BAL 4.0 IP 2 BB 0-2 when pulled
June 3 vs. NYY 6.1 IP 3 BB 5-4 when pulled
July 20 vs. CHW 6.0 IP 2 BB 5-3 when pulled
Aug 24 vs. CHW 5.2 IP 3 BB 3-5 when pulled

Over those starts, that's a 2.91 BB/9 IP. Not terrible, but much more typical for him in his career.

Magglio Ordonez hit .363 this past year and OPS'd well over 1.000. Shit like this can happen, where a guy who is a good player to begin with has everything go right for him. He's going to walk more people next year (you generally do not improve your walk rate drastically at his age), he's going to give up some more home runs (96 mph fastballs will tend to find the head of the bat a little bit more like they did in 2006), and he will not get the same run support either. Red Sox scored 5.35 runs per game this past season but 6.42 runs when he was on the mound. So he's going to have to pitch under a little more duress next year. Beckett will likely have an ERA around 3.80 to 4.00 in this upcoming season.

Point #2: Curt Schilling's a fat, lazy, old piece of shit with a mouth that defecates it as well.

Anyone who expects more than an ERA around 4.00 to 4.25 in 160 IP from him is deluding themselves. He's fat, he's injury prone, his stuff is not nearly what it once was, etc. He won't walk people because he never has (though it might go up marginally since he has to be more of a finesse pitcher now, but nothing significant), but he's going to give up more hits because he can't get his fastball by as many people anymore and he always gave up home runs. Ideally, I'd like to see him go 0-18 with a 17.39 ERA to break Roy Halladay's record for worst ERA in over 40 innings by about 7 runs, but God provides Heaven on earth in instances that are few and far between. After I die and hopefully go to Heaven, this will happen.

Point #3: Daisuke is just not that good.

He's not. It's as simple as that. The Yankees kicked his ass numerous times, for example. Yeah, sure he struck out lots of guys this year. But he's very hittable (191 H in 204 IP), will give up long balls (25 of them), and can lose his control at any moment (look at how many times he walked 3-5 guys in a game. "Too many times Turtle...too many times").

Everyone's so scared of this rotation...

A rotation of Wang-Pettitte-Hughes is probably better...
A rotation of Halladay-McGowan-Burnett/Marcum could be better...
A rotation of Lackey-Escobar-Weaver is probably better...

You could do a lot worse than Beckett-Schilling-Matsuzaka, but let's stop salivating on and swinging from their nuts, huh?

Step Up to Get Knocked Down: Sean Deveney's Turn in the Pirhana Filled Dunk Tank

2008-01-04T08:02:00.001-08:00

Arguably one of the worst pieces of sports "journalism" in human history, up there along with Jemele Hill and those cretins who actually like the Boston Red Sox. First, he's a picture of this idiot for your viewing displeasure and comedic indiscretions...

Why won't anyone pony up for Johan Santana?
By Sean Deveney - SportingNews

The Yule logs are but ashes. The fruitcakes are being digested, a process that will continue until July. The Moet bottles are empty, giving off a nauseating, sour smell that really makes you wonder how the stuff possibly tasted good the previous night.

-Scintillating journalism. The only fruitcake here is the guy that wrote this article.

Baseball generally goes into hibernation for the last two weeks or so of December. But, alas, the holidays are over. Spring training is but seven weeks away. Let's get that pilot light going on the hot stove again, shall we? We'll start with the biggest question (on-field, at least) looming over MLB: Why the heck hasn't anyone traded for Johan Santana?

-Pilot light has been out since A-Rod opted back in. There's been NO news this offseason and that's why Santana continues to be such a reported non-story. Until something happens, stop typing, and please put that lighter down that you plan on using to reheat the proverbial stove before you blow us all up. Yes, Sean, gas is flammable, too bad your e-articles aren't...

It's funny, because Santana is widely regarded as one of the top three pitchers in baseball -- if not No. 1. He turns 29 in March. He is 93-44 in his career with a 3.22 ERA. He has pitched 200-plus innings the last four seasons and has struck out 1,381 batters in just over 1,300 innings. He is, by any measure, a top-shelf ace, a general manager's dream.

-Truth!

But no one seems to want him. The Twins offered a four-year, $80 million extension, but billionaire owner Carl Pohlad would offer nothing longer, despite the fact that he'll have a new stadium in 2010. The Yankees offered the Twins a package that included outfielder Melky Cabrera and pitcher Phil Hughes, but they refused to include Ian Kennedy and are said to be wary of the luxury tax ramifications that would come with giving Santana the seven-year, $150 million deal he warrants. The Red Sox are offering packages that include Jon Lester or Jacoby Ellsbury, but not both. Word is, they'd prefer not to get Santana but are keeping their noses in the talks in case the Yankees relent and sweeten their offer. Other teams have shown interest -- the Mariners, Mets and Angels -- but they haven't shown the Twins the right offer.

-Truth! A summary of the non events so far. This is like all the reporting that goes on during the Kentucky Derby. Horse #8, Naked Run, is being led to the stall! The difference is, at THIS horse race, no one even knows when the race begins, if at all. Consider it a rain delayed - maybe eternally - Derby. And Pohlad is so cheap, he should become president of Providence College. Everyone knows it, but Selig won't do anything about it.

Am I crazy? We're talking Johan Santana, right? He's an ace, a durable lefty available in a market in which back-of-the-rotation starter Carlos Silva signed for $48 million over four years. It's the same market in which Barry Zito, coming off three very average seasons, received $126 million over seven years. How is it that teams are not falling all over themselves to get Santana?

-Ah, yes. The old "Johan Santana" argument. Made by every journalist who wants someone ELSE to do something. I mean how could you not trade for Felix Escalona? "He's Felix Escalona!!!" And how could you agree with me that this article sucks! "It's by Sean Deveney!!!"

"I think there are a couple of reasons," says one NL executive. "For one thing, the Zito deal is scary. What if you pay him all that money and he falls apart? And there's free agency. Why clear out your best prospects for someone who you can sign next winter?"

-There's a reason this guy is an NL Executive as Sean Deveney is writing unprinted articles on the internet - that's right folks, they're so bad you can't even bunch them up and use them as toilet paper. This guy's quote is so common sense and tongue in cheek it reminds me of THIS quote from yesterday's RR crossing incident:

"Brucker added, "He tried to stop the train by waving his arms, which apparently was not totally effective in slowing the train."

Valid points, but again, this is Santana. He is not showing the signs of decline that Zito was showing before signing with the Giants last offseason. And yes, he will be a free agent next winter. The idea, though, is to give him a contract before he hits the open market. It sounds so simple, but no one has done it.

-Ignoring the whole "because of his name" case...everyone knew Zito was a HORRIBLE signing. But that was a signing. You are talking about teams trading top young talent for the right to negotiate a huge extension. It's not just money anymore, it's cheap, affordable, young talent. PS Santana went 15-13 this year with his highest H/9, ERA, HRA, BAA, WHIP, and fewest IP this year since becoming a starter in 2003. So he is showing some signs of what some might call "decline." He is no doubt one of the best pitchers in baseball, but that doesn't mean trading two of the NEXT best pitchers in baseball for him.

The Red Sox won't include both Lester and Ellsbury? Why not? They think they're good enough to repeat as champs next year without Santana? Maybe. But is anyone all that afraid of a postseason 1-2-3 of Josh Beckett (scary), Curt Schilling (will he make it to October?) and Daisuke Matsuzaka (who faded in '07)? Couldn't they use a legit No. 2 to back up Beckett and keep pressure off Matsuzaka?

-Lester and Ellsbury (and that Lowrie guy who doesn't seem to exist) is STILL an underwhelming package. Consider it to be essentially a healthy Randy Wolf and Michael Bourn. Replace Ellsbury with Crisp and the deal is markedly worse. Plus, according to Deveney, Santana is "an ace, a durable lefty" and one of "the top three pitchers in baseball -- if not No. 1" and now all of a sudden he's playing second fiddle to Beckett? I know this sounds more up B.A.'s alley, but Make up yo damn mind, FOO!

Look, I know Boston fans are caught up in Ellsbury worship right now, but he is not going to hit .353 forever. He is fast and exciting, but Sox fans haven't seen him in a slump, nor have they seen him handle 162 games for Boston. Fans like the energy and enthusiasm he brings. I say, if you want energy and enthusiasm, buy a six-pack of Duracells and watch Regis and Kelly. Ellsbury has very little pop in his bat and, at age 24, that's not going to change. Who's to say he's the All-Star the Fenway faithful envision?

-Yeah! Some Ellsbury hate! I love it! He sure won't hit .353 forever. Fast and exciting, however, he is not. Poor analogy with energy and enthusiasm. Try this: If you want energy and enthusiasm, down a six pack of Red Bull and visit the caffeinated marketing department at Starbucks. Then turn off the TV because it's not making you any smarter and stop trying to insert those batteries into yourself via suppository form. I am enlightened, I know these things. Sean Deveney does not, and that is why he is still trying to energize himself and his writing. And Ellsbury is no allstar unless Boston bandwagon idiots start giddily logging onto their computers and voting him in with the same tenacity they write "Yankees suck" all over the internet thinking it will sway the opinions of others. Which I'm willing to bet won't happen because they'll be too busy voting for Trot Nixon thinking that he still plays for Boston, but still unaware of the fact that he was their RF in 2004...

As for Lester, he still needs to cut down on his walks and solve his consistency problem. If he does that, he could be a lefthanded ace. Or, the Red Sox could just skip the "ifs" that come with Lester and trade for Santana. A lefthanded ace.

-Nope. Pitchers generally don't improve their control that much over their careers anyway. Some do, but not many. Look at Carlos Zambrano, Victor Zambrano, Russ Ortiz, Kerry Wood, Andy Pettitte, AJ Burnett, etc. While some in that list are very good pitchers and others are not, control is generally consistent over a player's career. Likewise when it improves, it tends to go bad shortly after, ie within a couple years (Kyle Farnsworth, Tanyon Sturtze, Brian Bruney, Jaret Wright, Oliver Perez come to mind). So it's safe to say that Lester won't get better. But Lester's not the sticking point apparently, that overrated Ellsbury fellow I addressed above is. So why he's arguing this pointlessness is not above my head, but rather below my feet.

The Yankees don't want to give up Ian Kennedy? The guy has tremendous potential, I understand that. Five years from now, Kennedy could be better than Santana. But Santana is in the prime of his career, with several good years ahead of him. It's not as though you're dealing for a 35-year-old. This is the best lefty out there, and he could be pitching in Yankee Stadium. It's a no-brainer. Santana might never lose at Yankee Stadium. And who'd want to face a trio of Santana, Chien-Ming Wang and Andy Pettitte in the playoffs?

-Ian Kennedy has the potential of being a very good pitcher, but I'm pretty sure Phil Hughes, one of the Top 5 Prospects in ALL OF BASEBALL is more of a sticking point than Hughes. Unless Deveney meant to type Hughes, but Kennedy was what popped out. I mean, H is kinda close to K on the keyboard, E and U are both vowels, G H is near N and he probably hit N twice, he got the next E right, S near D, and his ejaculate hit the Y as he excitedly finished his typing...plus there's that whole Melky guy that Deveney completely forgot about, one of the best defensive AL center fielders and a major reason our outfield looks good post Bobby Abreu and Johnny Damon (since, thanks to Melky, our outfield is now post Hideki Matsui, too). The fact that Deveney admits that Hughnnedy, or Philip Kennedy, or Ian Hughes, could be BETTER than Santana in 5 years speaks volumes about his lack of journalistic ability. Especially since assuming that, he'd STILL trade for Johan. Oh right, I forgot. "He's Johan Santana."

The Mets won't trade Jose Reyes? For Santana? Reyes is an amazing young talent, but again, Santana is a lefthanded ace. Why is there even any discussion? It's much easier to replace a shortstop than a starting pitcher. The Mets still think they're the class of the National League, but who's their 1-2 punch in the rotation? Pedro Martinez, coming off shoulder surgery, and John Maine? That's not getting you past the Diamondbacks. Might not even get you past the Phillies and Braves in the division. Tom Glavine is gone and, let's face it, Oliver Perez is not going 15-10 again next season.

-This is turning into a question mark fest, and it's rather annoying. Journalists aren't paid to ask readers questions, they're paid to ask insiders questions and then report what they can disclose to the public. And yes, for the record, Reyes would be great to trade for Santana because he is overrated, and he sucks at baseball mentally. Omar Minaya should kick himself in the face for trading Lastings Milledge for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider. Johnny Estrada could get it done, and Milledge and Reyes could land them Santana for the next decade to headline a rotation that you actually analyzed fairly correctly. Another year of Shawn Green couldn't possibly be as bad as no Santana, no Milledge, and Brian Schneider and his .240 average behind the dish.

The Dodgers are out, the Angels ambivalent, the Mariners timid. These teams should be faxing a list of their top 10 prospects to the Twins with a note reading, "Take your pick." They should be ponying up a contract Santana can't refuse.

-Um, what? Good one. Fax all your prospects over on a list and tell the Twins take your pick. Bye bye Felix Hernandez and Adam Jones, bye bye Matt Kemp and James Loney, bye bye Brandon Wood and Nick Adenhart. The Mariners still won't have half a rotation, and the Dodgers and Angels are still without any offense (and the Angels REALLY without a shortstop now). All so Johan Santana can come in and go 10-12 with a 3 ERA on a team that doesn't come close to winning its division, and these teams can pay him 21 million dollars a season to do that while handicapping their ability to rebuild.

I feel bad for new Twins general manager Bill Smith. He already has watched Torii Hunter and Silva leave, and now he is facing a gaggle of GMs struck by a bizarre fit of restraint, even though Smith is trying to move a player for whom teams should be mortgaging the farm (system). Smith is being patient, hoping that, as the offseason dwindles, one of the bidders will crack and change its offer.

-Sniffle, sniffle, tear tear...Smith knew what he was getting into. He doesn't have to unload Santana. In fact, losing Hunter freed up resources for Santana, and he might be able to work something out to keep him in Minnesota. If not, you could do a heck of a lot worse than getting draft picks back. If Smith was smart he'd start looking for left side of the infielders, and affordable, good, young starting pitching. Demanding 3 grade A prospects, one of which must be a starting MLB CF, from any team in trade talks, is absolutely ridiculous, and that is why everyone is balking.

In other words, now that the holidays are over, Smith is hoping some team will come to its senses and realize he is offering Johan Santana.

-..."because he's Johan Santana." The logical end to a piece of bileworth that's not worth the bandwidth used to transmit it over the internet. Sean Deveney, GO HOME.

The Santana Saga

2008-01-01T18:46:00.001-08:00

According to Joel Sherman, the Red Sox remain the favorite to get Johan Santana.

Let me see if I understand this.

The Yankees were willing to offer the following:

Phil Hughes
age: 21
in an injury plagued rookie season, put up a WHIP of 1.280 and a K/9 IP of 7.2
has torn through the minor leagues

Melky Cabrera
age: 23
.750 OPS in his rookie year
129/99 K/BB ratio

While the Red Sox offered:

Jon Lester
age: 23 (ok)
1.57 WHIP in majors (yikes), 9.48 hits AND 4.61 BB per 9 IP (YIKES!) with minor league numbers that are hardly more than underwhelming

Coco Crisp
age: 28
.264/.317/.385 and .268/.330/.382 the past 2 seasons in a very hitter friendly ballpark

The Twins like the latter better than the former?!

Being a physics major, let me be a nerd. Phil Hughes and Melky Cabrera are like gamma ray emitters. High energy, require thick concrete walls to absorb and even then they can't be totally stopped. These guys kick ass. Jon Lester and Coco Crisp are like alpha particle emitters. Thick, easily absorbed by the air, lower energy, and if they're ingested (i.e. signed to your roster) you're fucked.

Jon Lester is OK. At his best, he's going to be a #3 or #4 starter. He's a lefty, he can eat up innings, but he's just simply not that good. Crisp flat out sucks. He had 2 decent/solid seasons in Cleveland, but he's been garbage since. He's been a little injury-prone, so playing on artificial turf might not be that kind to him.

Plus, imagine going from Torii Hunter and Johan Santana to Coco Crisp and Jon Lester.

Stop, don't bother Twins fans. Imagining that would be cruel and unusual punishment.

Now, imagine going from Torii Hunter and Johan Santana to Melky Cabrera and Phil Hughes.

OK enough Twins fans! Pleasuring yourself is meant to be done behind closed doors...

Well, hey. If the Twins want to trade gold for feces, go ahead. The best possible outcome is trading Santana to the NL, which would certainly be plausible if the Dodgers became willing to part with some of their young talent (Ethier, Kemp, Loney, etc.). Even with the Red Sox acquiring Santana, the Yankees are going to be better off hanging on to the youngsters.

Getting hard-ons for the wrong people

2007-12-31T15:26:00.000-08:00

The nostalgia orgasms that writers have this time of year when discussing Jack Morris's candidacy just kill B.A. every time. One of the latest periodical hard-ons belongs to Jon Heyman. Here's what this guy has to say about the great Jack Morris:

2. Jack Morris. The ace of three World Series teams, it's an abomination he may never get in. Morris made 14 Opening Day starts, tied with Steve Carlton, Randy Johnson, Walter Johnson and Cy Young, behind only Tom Seaver's 16 (the others already are or will be in Cooperstown). Also pitched the greatest game of the past 25 years, winning Game 7 of the 1991 World Series 1-0 in 10 innings against a young John Smoltz. The only two reasons I can think of for him not making it are: 1) he got hit hard his final couple years and finished with a 3.90 ERA, and 2) he was no charmer. Neither is a good enough reason to omit him. His impact was great.

An abomination? Really? First of all, in my opinion, the ace of a staff is the guy who was clearly better than everyone else in the rotation. So, no, Jack Morris was NOT the ace of 3 World Series Championship teams. Dan Petry had just as good if not a better season than Jack Morris did on the 1984 Tigers.

Jack Morris (1984)
240.1 innings pitched
1.282 WHIP
109 ERA+
148 K
87 BB

Dan Petry (1984)
233.3 innings pitched
1.273 WHIP
121 ERA+
144 K
66 BB

He didn't have the best season on the 1991 Twins, either. Kevin Tapani put up a 143 ERA+ and a 1.086 WHIP. To be fair, he probably just got very lucky that year, as he never had another season like it, and was not overpowering at all. However, Morris had been a below average pitcher every season since 1987 leading up to 1991, so Morris very well could have gotten lucky, too. In 1992, he wasn't even close to being the best pitcher in his rotation. Jimmy Key was. ERA+ of 116 versus 102, WHIP of 1.218 versus 1.255.

But, that shit doesn't matter. Because Morris was clutch...he was an amazing postseason force. God forbid Jack Morris was the opposing pitcher in a postseason game...

Jack Morris (postseason)
92.1 innings pitched
3.80 ERA (3.90 career regular season)
1.246 WHIP (1.296 career regular season)

Just because he was the guy that started in that amazing 1-0 win in Game 7 of the 1991 World Series doesn't mean he should get a ticket into Cooperstown. Should Bobby Jones be a Hall of Famer because of his 1-hitter against the Giants in 2000? Or how about we give Jeff Weaver a plaque for his 2006 postseason?

I exaggerate, but you see the point. Morris was a pretty good pitcher for a number of years, but he was not dominant and like it or not bad seasons count, too. As do the postseason games in which he pitched badly (see 1987 ALCS Game 2).

Funny I mention that game. The guy who beat him in that game unfortunately just doesn't get Heyman wet.

I still am unconvinced that he [Blyleven] deserves enshrinement. But I do think he deserves an explanation.

Blyleven did some great things in his career, and he pitched a lot of dominating games. Yet he never had a truly dominating season. He threw 60 shutouts -- but won 20 games only once in an era when 20-game winners weren't nearly so rare as they are today.

1973: 158 ERA+, 1.117 WHIP
1974: 142 ERA+, 1.142 WHIP
1977: 151 ERA+, 1.065 WHIP
1984: 144 ERA+, 1.135 WHIP
1989: 140 ERA+, 1.116 WHIP

Times in Top 5 for ERA+: 6
Times in Top 5 for WHIP: 7
Times in Top 5 for K/9 IP: 9

Times Jack Morris has had a season equal to or better than years listed above: 0

Bert was no match for Jacky-boy in the postseason though...

Bert Blyleven (postseason)
47.1 innings pitched
2.47 ERA
1.078 WHIP

But really, "he was rarely among the ultra-elite in his 22-year career."

Seriously, this is like getting a hard-on for Julia Roberts wearing a maternity outfit, but just nodding and turning away from Jessica Alba naked. One is clearly way better than the other, but you go for the lesser chick...and yet the reasons for which you claim to like her more are reasons the other chick is better. This must be Jon Heyman logic. I guess in 2006 Barry Zito gave him a banana crotch but Brandon Webb made him soft.

Providing Isiah Thomas with the support he deserves

2007-12-17T21:31:00.000-08:00

Jack Bauer and I were present at tonight's disaster at the world's most famous arena and contributed to the euphonious "FIRE ISIAH!!!" chants that erupted relentlessly throughout the entire 4th quarter. However, I felt slightly bad at how poor little Isiah was getting his feelings hurt, so I decided to try and make some small talk from section 310.

"Hey Isiah! Harass any women lately?!"

Douchebag didn't bother to dignify that with an answer. Fag.

And so far he hasn't taken Jack Bauer's advice either...

"Hey Isiah! Get Keith Van Horn back!!!!"

Jack Bauer was actually supporting Isiah, with votes of confidence such as "YOU RULE ISIAH!!!" Having felt some compassion for the sexual harasser/proud owner of the quote "If Larry Bird were black, he'd just be another good guy"/guy who doesn't think it's as bad for black people to call women "bitches", I decided to vouch for Isiah to Jimmy D by exclaiming "GIVE HIM AN EXTENSION!!!"

If Knick tickets weren't so fucking expensive, I'd be doing this every home game. Seriously, this is almost as fun as it would have been to be at the LJ 4 pt play game or "the dunk" game courtesy of John Starks. We need him back. Starks is amazing. He is Zeus's bitch. His penis is more powerful than a tactical nuclear weapon. Just like David Lee.

Jack Bauer: Did somebody say David Lee?
B.A. Baracus: Jack, calm down...don't you have the whole Tony Almeida being alive to worry about this season?
Jack Bauer: Don't you have to whole being unemployed and making no money since the A-Team went off the air 20 years ago thing to worry about?
B.A. Baracus: ..........touche!

Anyway, please, continue what we started tonight. Give Isiah our support...by asking how his sex life is going? Get his mind off basketball. Ask him how his bitches are doing. Tell him to remind us about how tough it was to grow up on the streets of Chicago. Ask him about how Game 5 of the '87 Eastern Conference finals turned out or what he thinks of Larry Bird. Most of all, show him that you care about him.......getting his motherfucking ass fired.

Oh, and James Dolan's band sucks. True story.

NYC etc.: The Death of Common Sense, and the Coinciding Death of Fun

2007-12-08T22:07:00.000-08:00

Time out for a non sports post.

Idiots are ruining our world. Day by day, one by one, brainless spineless moron fucks, are shitting all over everything we have, and ruining what makes life full and complete...with their stupid idiot mishaps and inability to overcome even the most basic of obstacles. Now, what one thing might I be referring to? I'm actually referring to a bunch. This post represents the culmination of many years of frustration going from a childhood where you could pretty much do what you wanted, to an adulthood where people are babied and pampered beyond belief, and the result is really the death of fun and the pussification of all. Just because a few fucking idiots couldn't handle the most basic responsibilities.

Think about it. 9/11 happens, and some moron dumbfuck college kid decides to be a wise ass and prove a point. Meanwhile, as a result, security around ALL airports is going to continue to stay at the already ridiculous levels it is at, and possibly even increase, because of dumbasses like this, who pop up periodically to raise the levels of perceived security threats just when they are dying back down, to prevent the rest of us from flying conveniently, or at all.

Here's a photo from the 1950's taken on the old Third Avenue El in Manhattan. Notice the open END DOOR on the rear of the train, and the guy leaning near it. Clearly a "perilous position" in the eyes of today's casual observer. I remember as a kid growing up in New York, of at least one train that I rode on, with an open end door that I rode on (this one was in a more dangerous position - the very FRONT of the train). It slid open as the train pulled into a station. Rather than panicking, and running in fear, and taking the train OoS, and bitching about the TA and standards of decency or acceptable service, and the whole "what have we come to" speech, someone calmly closed it. The train stayed in service, and everyone and everything moved on, including the train. Has it really gotten to the point where someone like my father would get charged for letting me ride in the back of our Jeep as a kid and hold logs in place as we shuttled them from our yard to where they'd be stored as firewood? God forbid I'd fall out of the open back hatch and under the wheels of the car. Oh wait, I'm a human being with BALANCE, and the COMMON SENSE to know whether or not I'm comfortable doing that... Needless to say I'm still here...

Now in the subway, you will find locked car end doors - not even at the ends of the train, where it makes some sense, but BETWEEN cars - because of a few dumbasses who think riding between cars is cool, or because of people like THIS, who are too dumb to realize that what they are attempting is extremely unsafe and stupid. Here is a diagram showing ANOTHER catastrophic, probably unintended, but likely consequence of this moron's actions. As a result, the rest of us are forced to live in some pussified state of existence, because these nincomshits can't stop getting injured, dying, or worse yet hurting others, at every twist and turn. The murderers? Their own fucking stupidity. Imagine the lawsuit on the MTA's hands when a woman is raped, and can't escape to alert a train crew member...all because the car's end doors are locked and she can't pass through. Just so some fucking idiot won't be tempted to try and take a quick shit on the coupler between stations.

And how about the dumbasses who monkey see and monkey do, even when it's incredibly illegal and flat out wrong? Or the movie that's so good, it just REQUIRES that one plug a bitch without delay.

It gets better. Remember that idiot who decided it was a good idea to jump off the upper deck at Yankee Stadium? Or those wise guys who decided there was no better target for their frustration than a first base coach? And you wonder why fans aren't allowed near players, or why storming the field is both frowned upon, and disciplined wherever possible. But these have been occuring for years, it just seems that in the past people were more willing to chalk it up to idiocy. Now it's, "if an idiot can do it, anyone can." And the result? The death of fun.

Look at how cigarette companies can't advertise anymore. Are people really too stupid to say no? Or are we really that fucking dumb that if a cowboy or a cartoon camel tell us to do something, we'll do it? All that ad revenue money, poured back into the American economy...NOT!

Or how about how "Walk" and "Don't Walk" is insufficient for street crossings? Yes, we really have dumbed down to the point where we need COLORED PICTURES to indicate if one should be walking, or stopping at a busy intersection. As if the perpendicular traffic lights, visible from the crosswalk, aren't enough. As if the cars' relative speed and acceleration / deceleration is not enough. Where the FUCK is the common sense? Will we someday need a trained security guard on every street corner to help interpret the pictures for the people who no speaky English and can't distinguish colors? And is it really illegal to photograph bridges? Does it really lead to blacklisting as a terrorist? And is it truly necessary to stop at railroad crossings? Well, this guy thought it was, it's just too bad he waited until he was already on the tracks to stop! DeeDuhDee!!!...But don't laugh, it wasn't funny for the crew of the train, or the company whose shipment was on board!

The fact is we live in a world of the consolation prize. The belief that everyone deserves a fair shake only results in the reality that everyone kinda gets a high five, but nothing more. Fat kids get trophies, kids get paid to go to school like they are supposed to, game show contestants always have a consolation prize and a hug to fall back on, and if you can't work or get a job? There's always unemployment, welfare, and other social services! And all those illegal immigrants? Why, sure, we all feel bad for them. Rags to riches...this is America, baby! They don't pay taxes, but what the heck? Let's extend to them all the benefits of citizenship! And then let's act shocked and appalled when people actually have the balls to say what everyone is thinking, at least everyone who has to go to work and pay taxes on their earnings to make their living.

And let's reinstate the millenia old tradition of shoving religious beliefs down everyone's throat. Because religious beliefs such as wait until marriage are clearly what this country was founded on, not separation of church and state, freedom of religion, and life liberty and the pursuit. Religion is, and always has been, used as a way to control the masses - See what your peers are saying. Whether you are religious or not, you should realize that the indiscriminating believer does what he/she is told in fear of an all powerful divine creature who will either deny them safe passage into an after life, or make their present circumstances more difficult. This has historically been exploited in such travesties as the Crusades, religious warfare in Northern Ireland, and even the current misapplication of Islamic principles used by the very terrorists we claim to be fighting. The so-called "Bible Belt" is largely responsible for the decline in standards, the increase in stupidity, and the belief that we should accomodate idiots. Their self-promulgating idiocy makes the world worse...and dumber too.

But yet most people are too STUPID to realize any of this. They're too busy drunkenly weaving in and out of traffic and causing pile-ups to notice that some lawmakers in our world actually want to make it illegal to make a gay joke.

And TV is doing its part to turn the general public into a bunch of stupid fucking lemming morons. Instead of intelligent TV, or even humorous TV, we are now faced with a bunch of fucking bilefilth that glorifies tramps, ho's, skanks, pimps, idiots, crack dealers, dumbass no-talent get-lucky celebrities, and unnecessary high school level drama occuring at ages 25 and up. And worse, yet, the Internet is giving people a forum to be dumbasses and actually get the attention they crave. As a result, people are getting DUMBER and DUMBER. There is no such thing as good TV anymore, save for a few shows.

Meanwhile, people are more concerned with celebrity hijinks than actual news. More concerned about getting on [insert crappy show here], or having a brush with a celebrity so they can tell their friends something. All this over getting a job, a degree, developing meaningful friendships, actually dating people of the opposite sex instead of hooking up with them so you can friend them on Facebook later, and pursuing their actual interests to develop their personality instead of just copying those around them.

"Damn, yo. That's the life. I'd love to get on the Real World and sass some ho's!"

Congratulations, the world we live in is now one big, fucking high school. And just like high school, the rules are changing to become more strict - always hold the handrail when ascending or descending stairs, and watch the gap when boarding an elevator. The fun is going away. First it will be airport searches, closed subway end doors, and no more delicious Garlic Bob's Brick Oven Pizza because of a health code violation I never tasted in 7+ years of going there at least once a week, and then pretty soon you will have to board a ferry to cross a fucking street. Next thing you know they're going to ban hay rides, water guns, glass silverware, flatbeds at Costco, the double bacon cheeseburger, sports, jungle gyms, jacuzzis, pools, plastic bags, and the wired telephone.

Why? Simple: Stupid people fucking up so often that these items become "hazardous to the health of the general public."

Don't be one of them Stupids. This site is called pwnageofmorons for a reason...morons eventually get wrecked, because they tend to Stupid themselves right into a wall...at a buck twenty...on a scooter. The best advice I can give you is to be as far away from them as possible when they do, so that you don't become collateral damage. And for now, enjoy what's left of the fun.

HOT STOVE to the Angels: YOU JUST GOT BURNED!

2007-12-01T23:02:00.001-08:00

Installment #2 in the series of Idiot-GM-Fuckfacery-Resulting-In-Subpar-Teams, which is amazing for the Yankees, and amazing for Douggy Bombs because now that his computer has healed like his broken wrist, he has something to write about again.

Today's issue: THE ANAHEIM, oh wait, LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM OF THE US OF EARTH OF WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT SAYING OF ANYMORE

Today's subject: Rookie GM Tony Reagins, the first person on this blog for whom I shall reserve the term "n00b"

Scenario: The LA Angels of Anaheim, henceforth "The Angels" because I don't want to type that much, are coming off an AL West Division Championship. Known for their good pitching, and smalltesticle oriented (lack of consistent) offense, the Angels were by far the weakest of the 4 playoff teams, and the second weakest among the division winners (ahead of the Cubs). Their pitching, especially their bullpen, faltered badly down the stretch, and they struggled all year to find consistency in the back of their rotation and some bats to go along with Vladimir Guerrero's. This really came back to haunt them, as they were swept by the World Champion Poughkeepsie Barnswallows in the ALDS in a not-so-surprising rout.

Their lineup and rotation/key bullpen components entering the offseason:

C Mike Napoli / Jeff Mathis
1B Casey Kotchman
2B Howie Kendrick
SS Orlando Cabrera
3B Chone Figgins
LF/DH Garrett Anderson
CF Gary Matthews Jr.
RF Vladimir Guerrero
DH Any of a bunch of utilty guys to rest some of the regulars

SP John Lackey
SP Kelvim Escobar
SP Bartolo Colon (UFA - see ya)
SP Jered Weaver
SP Ervin Santana
CP Francisco Rodriguez
SU Justin Speier
SU Scot Shields

Needless to say a solid team.

So n00b trades the free swinging Orlando Cabrera to the White Sox for Jon Garland, a sinkerballer who instantly replaces the corpulent Colon. A great trade. Seemingly paving the way for Marlins third baseman Miguel Cabrera to join the team. BUT WAIT A MINUTE! Let's overpay for free agent Torii Hunter! 5 years 90 million dollars to join a team that already has a full outfield and several outfield subs! YESSS. Now Garret Anderson or Vlad can DH!!! And Brandon Wood (might) be able to play some short.

Not bad, seemingly. But Reagins just sold himself completely shitty with the potential for a team that could contend with the Yankees and Red Sox. Here's why:

Cabrera for Garland: Great move. The Angels have one of the strongest farm systems (ranked #1 at one point last year), despite a lack of abundance of depth of MLB ready talent. But their low minors are filled with studs. They have some blue chip guys to move. The problem last year, was offense and the bullpen. If Justin Speier can stay healthy, overwork of Scot Shields is instantly addressed. Garland is a big upgrade over Colon, and will especially benefit from moving out of Chicago, where Juan Uribe's scatterarm certainly hurt him the past few seasons.

Missed Opportunity - Miguel Cabrera: Now have some fucking stones. Forget Hunter. Go get Miguel Cabrera. Figgins can play anywhere on the field, including shortstop. What do you need? Not much. Trade Wood to the Marlins, who instantly salivate as they add him to a young infield that already has Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla. I know, I know, that's not enough. So add Ervin Santana and his electric "stuff" and see if the Marlins can get results from the guy who will never be confused with Johan. Still not enough? OK fine. Throw in Juan Rivera (Marlins need OF help), and a pitching prospect (a good one, but not Joe Saunders) like Stephen Marek, and you've probably got a done deal.

And that's a worst case scenario trade...it's possible Cabrera could be had for less than:
Brandon Wood IF
Ervin Santana SP
Juan Rivera OF
Stephen Marek SP

...gets you Miguel Cabrera, who even if he is a fat lazy piece of shit, can hit the stew out of the ball and has an available DH slot waiting for him when he balloons past the point of playing third base in a few seasons.

The Improved Angels: And with the $90 million NOT wasted on Hunter, who is redundant as a Halo, the Angels can pay Cabrera for years to come. And that gets me to my final point: the 2008 Angels Lineup / Rotation / Key Relievers via me:

SS Chone Figgins
2B Howie Kendrick
RF/DH Vladimir Guerrero
3B Miguel Cabrera
DH/LF Garret Anderson
1B Casey Kotchman
CF Gary Matthews Jr.
C Jeff Mathis / Mike Napoli
LF/RF Reggie Willits

SP John Lackey
SP Kelvim Escobar
SP Jon Garland
SP Jered Weaver
SP Joe Saunders
CP Francisco Rodriguez
RP Scot Shields
RP Justin Speier

...Wow, what an upgrade. There's that big bat to replace Vlad, and all it costs you is a prospect who can hit but has limited plate discipline (Wood). You swap out Ervin Santana and replace him with Joe Saunders, giving the rotation its only lefty and resulting in what I would argue is an upgrade. The bullpen is still sturdy at the back end, and with infielders Robb Quinlan and Maicer Izturis, and outfielder Nathan Haynes (Quinlan can play OF too), you've got a solid but unspectacular bench.

Moreover, you've got Figgins, one of the few players in baseball who despite being good at smallball, actually manages to be useful, a great contact hitter in Kendrick, Vlad being a typical savage despite knowing no English, Miguel Cabrera eating mistakes as fast as double bacon cheeseburgers, Anderson quietly compiling numbers Bernie Williams style, and Kotchman, a great defensive first baseman, and his improving bat picking up the slack from the middle of the order. Then Matthews and Mathis / Napoli (mostly the promising Mathis) round out 7-8 in the order, and Reggie Willits functions as a second leadoff hitter batting 9th. With tremendous plate discipline, he's a perfect candidate to turn the lineup over. And furthermore, you've got speed throughout that lineup and good hitters that get on base, with firepower in the middle of the lineup. In other words, all the key components of a very successful offense, capable of scoring runs off all kinds of pitching and playing intelligent situational baseball to maximize their production. Overall it's a:

MUCH
IMPROVED
TEAM

And all it took was not signing Hunter, and making a blockbuster deal.

So laugh it up as Wood becomes Khalil Greene for the Angels, and they whine and bitch all season about how they need a bat. And watch those five outfielders fight it out for playing time, too. That will be entertaining as well.

But more importantly, watch the Angels not win the World Series, or even seriously contend, in 2008.

B.A.'s gonna have to choke a bitch

2007-12-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

"According to multiple reports, the Yankees will go forward by offering right-hander Phil Hughes to Minnesota in a possible deal, hoping to bring Santana to the Bronx and give New York the true No. 1 pitcher it covets."

What...the fuck....ARE YOU IDIOTS THINKING???

How many times am I going to have to tell this to people or write about this? WE DO NOT FUCKING NEED JOHAN SANTANA BADLY ENOUGH TO GIVE UP PHIL HUGHES AND MELKY CABRERA.

Phil Hughes is going to be an excellent pitcher. He was forced to work with less than his best stuff for a lot of the year and really learned how to pitch. It paid off by the end of the year as he had a 2.73 ERA, 1.18 WHIP in 30 innings in September, as well as a very good series against the Indians, allowing just one run in 6 innings with 6 strikeouts. He has a great fastball which touches 93-95 and looks even faster, fantastic 12-to-6 curve, and an above average changeup. He has great stuff. He showed it in the minors, and he showed he can do it in the big leagues, too. And he only turned 21 this past June. Johan Santana is 8 years older than Hughes, has a lot of mileage on his arm, and could very well not be able to throw the number of innings he has in the past. And we're going to have to pay him $25 mil/year to do so while giving up valuable pieces to what could be an excellent Yankees team with great staying power in maybe as little as 2 seasons.

I've already proven that Melky Cabrera is much more valuable to the Yankees than a Torii Hunter or Aaron Rowand. Young, great arm, plays a good center field, good contact hitter with effective leadoff hitter potential over old, overrated defense, and career years in walk years. Although it would not cost money, Johnny Damon being put back in center and Hideki Matsui playing left field everyday sucks like Sex and the City. Although his zone rating was good last year in center (.928), Damon's just too old and fragile to handle the position anymore. Not to mention his arm just absolutely blows impotent cock like Sex and the City actresses with the pun most certainly intended and is meant for left field. All of this can basically be said about Matsui, also. His knees are question marks and will be better off getting lots of time at DH.

There is no need to make a huge splash with Santana...for now. Get him in free agency or in a trade deadline deal.

Why do I have to be a fugitive? I should be runnin' the Yanks, foo!

Omar Minaya is a Fucking Numbnuts

2007-12-01T01:37:00.000-08:00

Your team just shat the bed down the stretch. Just prematurely creamed its pants, and watched the Perfect 10 model storm out of the room. Just fucking fell apart the last two weeks of the season like a home equity lender's stock. It entered the offseason riddled in confusion and drowning in the overflow from its own septic tank.

You are the Omar Minaya, GM of the New York Mets.

But despite all this deserved bruhaha, mostly "haha" of course, your team doesn't suck the flamingo scrotum everyone says it does. Granted, your pitching performs as badly as Tom Cruise in front of a camera, but the hitting is there to be successful for seasons to come. The only major question marks are catcher Paul Lo Duca, that famous team player and good clubhouse guy, a free agent, and outfielders Shawn Green and Moises Alou. Second baseman Luis Castillo, who played well down the stretch and wants to return, is also a free agent, as is backup Damion Easley, and starting pitcher Tom Glavine, who, even when he was pitching for the Mets, was pitching for the Braves.

The always injured Alou is always a good bet for a Pavano award, and the only thing Green can do these days is throw well and impersonate Trot Nixon at the plate. Lo Duca's hitting is just about on par with a slightly better version of Jason Kendall, so he's no stud, and he loses points for his clubhouse shenanigans too. Plus he's old. Castillo is a solid player with diminishing range, but still very serviceable, Easley can provide pop off the bench, and Glavine is as good as gone to the Braves, or as Minaya might say...Los Bravos.

So you don't want that childmolester Lo Duca in Mets gear next year. Cool, no problem. See ya, Lo Smegma. But wait a minute! The best catchers available: Kendall (ugh), Yorvit Torrealba (hmm...), Michael Barrett (see Paul Lo Duca's personality), and Paul Lo Duca.

So Omar Minaya makes a brilliant move. He trades that underachieving juicehead nincompoop Guillermo Mota to the Brewers for...Johnny Estrada! One of the better hitting catchers over the last 4 years, who when he's healthy, is capable of close to an empty .300 average: no walks, little power, some run production, but good contact and acceptable defense. Far better than the alternatives. And not only this, Minaya frees up 3 million dollars instantly with the trade. YAY!

So why is he a fucking numbnuts? First, because he's counting on Alou for another season (brought him back). But more importantly, because he non-tendered Estrada, who now won't be with the Mets next year at all, and turned him into a free agent. Very dumb, when he didn't have anything better than a platooner (Ramon Castro) behind the dish to begin with. But this next move takes the cake for dumbest move of the offseason: He traded his blue chip top prospect (Lastings Milledge) for...fuck the drum roll, it's not necessary...Ryan Church and Brian Schneider. Church who is a nice outfielder and a good approximation of the now gone Shawn Green, and Brian Schneider who is worse than every single one of the catchers I just named. He'll be the lefty half of a platoon with Castro. And when he's hitting .250 with 4 home runs in September, I'll be the guy fucking your girlfriend while mouthing the syllables "I told ya so." All that while your girl is mouthing me.

That said, I'm surprised Omar Minaya traded for some white people. But of course, we all know he's going to turn around and flip Church on someone for Jose Cruz Jr. or Juan Encarnacion, and I hear Jose Guillen is still a free agent...

All this time and attention wasted on making a solid lineup worse, when he should have been fixing the pitching. Glavine is gone, Pedro sucks and MIGHT give you 100-150 innings tops (certainly no ace). Maine and Perez are solid #2 - #4 guys depending on who you ask, but there's always the chance Perez and his Kei Igawa mechanics revert back to 2005-06 form. Oh, and that bullpen is still horrid aside from Wagner and Feliciano. So, to recap, all Minaya has done so far is let Glavine walk, trade Mota for nothing, trade his best prospect for close to nothing, and sign the incredible Brian Stokes, he of the 92mph four seam fastball, 80mph change, and 76mph 12 to 6 curve. In other words, the most bland and hittable stuff you could imagine. That 7.07 ERA with the Devil Rays is looking mighty good in a Mets uniform. He'd have to get it down just over 2 runs to get to 5.05, which spells SOS, so no matter how you look at it, this guy is two runs beyond fucked.

I guess Aaron Heilman's gonna be a starter, and when Pedro the Douchebag inevitably goes down with his latest vaginal cramp, Mike Pelfrey and Philip Humber are gonna be go to guys.

But at least he brought Luis Castillo back...

I don't even like Mencia, but...DEE DEE DEE!!!

What I would do with the New York Mets

2007-11-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

This franchise is in a bit of a mess here right now. Stuck with a bunch of vets past their primes. Since it's fun to fool around with a team you have no emotional ties to, here's what I would do in an attempt to fix the New York Mets.

STARTING PITCHING
Problems are numerous in this area. Glavine was the only Met to get to 200 innings pitched this year. Oliver Perez and John Maine were pretty effective, but these guys are not front of the rotation pitchers. And Maine having never thrown a full season caught up to him in the second half. They're going to need to replace Glavine. And you cannot expect El Duque to keep getting people out. He's older than Fidel Castro. So here's what I do.

1. Sign Carlos Silva.
He's not great. Hard to say how well he'll do because he pitches to contact, isn't a big groundball pitcher, so he has a small margin for error. However, he's 29, will pitch around 200 innings and won't walk people. He gives up home runs, but at Shea you can knock down the number of gopher balls he'll give up. He usually gives up 20-25, so making half of his starts at Shea that could go down to about 15-20.

2. Trade for Cliff Lee if the deal is reasonable.
He still has some upside, and the Indians are apparently thinking of shipping him off. Lee going to the Yankees was a possibility but it would be at a high cost considering the fact that the Yankees are contenders. It's not the same situation for the Mets. They might get him cheap. If possible, try to trade Ruben Gotay (to play second base platoon with Cabrera, which could work well seeing as they are both switch hitters who have different natural sides) and Carlos Gomez (who they might see as a better option than 41 year old Kenny Lofton). If they want more, then fuck that.

So now the Mets rotation is:
SP Oliver Perez
SP Carlos Silva
SP John Maine
SP Pedro Martinez
SP Cliff Lee

Not great, but it'll do for now as the Mets can try to make a pitch for Santana in the 2008-2009 offseason. There really is no clear cut number one starter here, but of all of them, I'd put Perez one because he's the best of this group. Silva will pitch a good number of innings and they will likely be pretty effective, so he'll fill the two slot. Maine is a number 3 starter anyway, so this should be a good role for him. Pedro Martinez will probably be one of the best #4 starters in baseball. He's a six inning pitcher at this stage in his career, maybe get seven innings out of him if he has an extra day or two rest. Every once in a while you can have Duque start in his scheduled spot to give him that extra time. With Lee in the #5 slot, you don't have a whole lot to lose, and a fair amount to gain. If he sucks, put him in the bullpen and give Pelfrey another shot.

BULLPEN
This was a pretty big cause for concern this year. So here's what I do.

1. Sign David Riske
He's always been fairly reliable and just about anything is better than Guillermo Mota.

2. Sign Scott Linebrink
Another solid bullpen vet. Sign both Linebrink and Riske, then Heilman becomes expendable.

SECOND BASE
I would sign Tadahito Iguchi. Nevermind David Eckstein. Eckstein's been getting hurt a fair amount the past couple seasons and he would have to switch positions, not to mention Eckstein plain and simply just doesn't help the Mets. Iguchi has enough power to hit around 14-17 homers. He can hit around .275-.280 and OBP about .350, which is pretty solid. Defensively, he's not Robinson Cano or Aaron Hill, but he's decent. Try him for like 3 years, $15. AT THE ABSOLUTE MOST, $24 million. If he wants more than $8 million a year, then just re-sign Castillo. Castillo's defense is lesser and he has a good deal less power, but he can hit around .300 and OBP .370-.375. If the Mets re-sign Castillo, then I'd bat him leadoff and stick Reyes in the 2-slot.

FIRST BASE
Stuck with Carlos Delgado for now. He's turning 36 next year, and his prime's obviously behind him. However, you can still expect 25 homers out of him. There really isn't anything available aside from a trade for Mark Teixeira, and frankly the Mets don't have anything they can give up for him, especially considering the fact that as division rivals, the Braves would demand a lot.

CATCHER
Torrealba was the Mets' target, but that deal went into the toilet. Not necessarily the worst thing in the world, he's terrible. There's nothing out there now that Posada's back where he belongs. Since just about anything other than Barajas is better than Lo Duca, the Mets could try to work out a deal with Michael Barrett. I know, not great, but there's nothing else out there, unless you want Rod Barajas's career .288 OBP. Barrett's had several years of hitting 16 homers (and not simply due to Wrigley, he has legit power). He's been bad throwing runners out the past two seasons and overall for his career he's about 23% successful, but Lo Duca wasn't exactly much better this past season, and Barrett's going to provide a good deal more on offense than Lo Duca would. You could also give Lieberthal a chance, too if you'd like.

RIGHT FIELD
Decline Shawn Green's option. Just let Milledge play right field for now. I hate the guy, but he's put up solid minor league numbers at a young age, and he had a decent run with this Mets this year (.786 OPS). He'll do what Shawn Green could or probably better, and Green would cost about 20 times as much. Save the money, then when Pedro's contract's up at the end of the year, there'll be a good amount of money for the Mets to try and land Santana. The Yankees now have A-Rod back for the $275 million deal, so the Yankees might be less willing to spill another ton of money into signing Santana, especially if the Wang-Hughes-Kennedy-Chamberlain rotation turns out well.

So there's my attempt at fixing the New York Mets up a little bit. My main goal for the Mets here is to try and stay somewhat competitive while shredding some salary. Dump Shawn Green, sign either Iguchi or Castillo who are both pretty good players and hopefully won't cost too much, sign Barrett or Lieberthal for a short-term deal (Lieberthal might be more likely for a short deal), sign Silva (a pretty good AL starter who will probably be very good in the NL), trade for Cliff Lee (since you're not really giving up anything important), sign Riske and Linebrink to pitch in the bullpen, etc. I think this will keep the team somewhat competitive. Also, you don't make any retarded long-term signings and fuck yourself anymore. If you decline Green's option, there's $10 million freed up. After 2008, you're done with Pedro and Delgado (around $30 million). That's $40 million free in a year you can try to sign Santana. They might not be able to, which is not the end of the world, because they still have $40 million to play with. After 2009, you're done with Wagner (another $11 million). There's a lot of money to play with now. Plus, after 2008, you can try to trade Milledge (and hell, maybe even Reyes too) for some better pitching. Right now, the Mets should be looking to sign guys to deals no longer than 3 years and they should not be big name, high salary types. Then, you ride out the rest of these dead weight contracts to free up money. Then, SPEND IT WISELY for once.